Coping with the death of my father

auroaya200882

This is really not cancer related but I am feeling low and don't want to fall into deep depression so I need to vent. My dad was the healthiest man I knew he never went to the doctor but in the past three months he developed acute anemia, then a week ago Friday the doctor determined he needed to be hospitalized, the anemia caused his liver to fail and the waste from the liver went to his brain in the blood stream causing encelophatic anemia which meant even though he was conscious he was not coherent. I am grateful that I was able to see him in October and December of last year when he was still OK and last week even though he sometimes did not  recognize me at least I was able to be with him before he slipped into a coma due to liver, kidney failure. Sunday a week ago he had a heart attack and had to be put in a ventilator. My brother mom and I asked the doctors to end his suffering but in Mexico they legally cannot disconnect someone from the respirator so they kept him "alive" for a week until his heart gave out.

I've lived in the USA for the past 35 years and I am so thankful for the health system here. Before I got to see the conditions at the hospital where my father died I used to complain about Medicaid etc but now I have a different perspective. There is no doubt in my mind that if I had been living in Mexico in 2013 when I had my femur fracture due to stage IV I would probably died in their system.

My heart hurts for my father but at least he's not suffering anymore.

Aurora

AmyQ

I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved father. Try to remember all the good times and the special bond you two had. I am very sorry...

Amy

Moderators

Oh, Aurora, we too are so, so sorry to hear of your loss. Please know we are all here for you to vent to.

We're all thinking of you at this difficult time!

Hugs from the Mods

MusicLover

Auroaya, I am so sorry for your loss.  Prayers for you and your family.

Trvler

I am so sorry.

Beachbum1023

Auroaya, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family as you celebrate your Father's life, and mourn his passing. I do hope he has found peace. Take Care.

LilacBlue

I'm so sorry to read of your loss (((Aurora))). We are here for you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Be gentle beauty, stay close and I know you were a kind, caring, loving daughter to your wonderful father. With Love, LB, x

LindaE54

So very sorry Aurora.  Condolences to you and your family.

Hugs - Linda

Rosevalley

What a shock that must have been. I am so sorry you and your family had to endure it. May your Dad rest in peace now. I hope the memories of him and your love sustains you. (((hugs))))

ruthbru

Oh Aurora, I am so sorry. Thank goodness you got to spend time with him; and even though he seemed not to know you near the end, I believe that he could sense your presence and love. Sending hugs!

jmiltmog

My father passed away two weeks ago -- he had been very sick the past 8 months and my husband, mom, and I had been the caregivers.  We had some good moments with him his last week -- and I'll treasure those and try to forget how much pain and sadness there was in his last few months.

I'm glad he's no longer suffering and it's been difficult to keep up with taking care of myself during chemo and make sure Mom doesn't fall through the cracks.  I do feel guilt though that there is some relief from the caregiving -- not sure how much longer I would have been able to keep it up as I'll be starting 12 weeks of Taxol next month.

We are now dealing with all the "business" of his death, I'm working full-time, and I am simply exhausted.  I also have a cold and am entering my low point in the chemo cycle -- so I'm just a little whiny today. 

Glad I found this forum -- this is the first real time I've been alone since diagnosed in November -- I wasn't sure how I would do today, but it helps to keep busy. 

auroaya200882

jmiltmog, I feel your pain and empathize with you. Cancer brings with it so many losses and to top it all the loss of our fathers brings the pain to a whole new level. My family and I are also dealing with the "business" of his death. They are in Mexico and I am here in the USA and very little I can do but worry about my mom. Apparently in Mexico in order to get a Death Certificate a Certificate of Marriage must be presented and my brother is having a hard time securing a certified copy of the marriage license. Once they get the certified marriage license they'll have to deal with more red tape to get my father's pension transferred to my mom. Additionally in order to sell the house they need to do a "succession" document which will cost $1500 USD pretty much everything my mom has in cash, thank God I have some savings and will be sending her more money in the following weeks, it's all I can do to help.