Starting Chemo March 2015

Italychick

Haha, I don't know how to do things in slow motion. But today Cheryl said she is going to make me ride a more leisurely pace. We will see. I just get so happy that I can still do it that I push it.

ThePrincess

Boo - got my pathology report from lumpectomy and SNB today -

the 2 cm tumor was down to 1 cm with good margins - which is surprising since MRI couldn't see it? I was hoping it was GONE.

he took 17 nodes, even though we swear he said he was taking 3 - 2 came back positive so I assume that means the other lymph nodes showed nothing and it hasn't spread farther than that.

Boo, I was hoping to hear it was all dead

What are the probability I'll deal w/lympedema with 17 nodes removed? Nurse did say there are 40-50 nodes in that area so removing those isn't too bad?

molly1976

I have such mixed feelings about overtreatment being the hot new topic. I understand rationally that many women do not need the treatments some doctors are pushing onto them, but I'm somebody with aggressive cancer in my 30s so obviously I feel like mammograms at 40 are a pretty terrific idea! I'm lucky, too, that my doctors are all part of the Duke University system and very tuned into the latest research. I always have felt like, if anything, they were presenting options that were a touch too mild! I had easy (ha) chemo, a short course of radiation, and "only" a lumpectomy. But that's what the latest guidelines say for my type of cancer, so I've tried to trust that.

Jackbirdie

The Princess- some people get LE with one node removed. My aunt had them all removed (back in the old days), and didn't. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. I would see an LE specialist now and get measured for a sleeve, if you haven't already, and consult on how to ease into exercise, and how to minimize your risk in as many ways as you can. It's a management problem, and having truncal LE myself, I can say compression and learning to do the manual lymph drainage massage on yourself, if you need to, will make it manageable. Best of luck.

eheinrich

Arlene, thanks for letting me know that this high-rising expander situation is ok, or normal, well, no, nothing about this is normal, but you get what I mean, right? I'm relieved.

Good outfit suggestions ladies - interview is 10/8. 3 hours, 10 diff people to talk to....

KBeee

Molly, I'm with you. It is easy for docs who are unaffected to say we are over treating. If I was 70 years old, I would be more willing to try forgoing treatments to wait and see. I think it is interesting they point to the toxicity of the various treatments... And so often our docs deny those same toxicities exist!

Tina, rads will zap any strays surgery left behind. No larger to consult with LE specialist to get a sleeve to have on hand

Beachbum1023

Eileen, I am crossing my fingers for you!! Good Luck! I usually go the black suit route for interviews, but I am sure you'll nail it. Keep us posted. Cheryl

Jackbirdie

you will nail it, E

avmom

hi, all.


I don't know if I've turned a corner or not, but thought I would try a post. My mental state is pretty bad, but I have a counselling appointment on Monday morning, so maybe I will get some help. I could sure use it.


I have been reading this board just about every day, but can't keep people's names straight. I'm glad for all who have had good news, and who have moved forward with their treatment.


I am looking forward to the bracelet coming, and I understand it will be soon. I'm going to try to find a great charm to add, but just feeling the weight of it on my arm will be a welcome reminder of all of you wonderful women.


My prophy (oh, how I hope it is prophy, and they don't find anything in there - most of my cancer was invisible to mammo and ultrasound the first time around) mx is scheduled for October 20. I was going to have the MX and reconstruction at the same time, but my reconstruction surgeon was concerned about symmetry as my surgery side is very, very tight. I had the opposite of a skin sparing mx - things looked so bad on the day of surgery (they told me I presented at stage iv, which was restaged to IIa after pathology came back), so they took EVERYTHING they could, including the fascia of my pectoralis muscle and as much skin as possible. His opinion is that I'll get better symmetry on reconstruction, and easier recon surgery if we start by making the scars "match". So, it's back to the hospital for me. Pre op clinic is on the 15th.


I'll try to do better posting between now and then. Gentle hugs to all.

Carrie37

Avmom, I made a counseling appointment too. My emotions are whack right now. I'm glad you checked in anD you have a surgery date. Keep us posted as you are able. Hugs.

Jackbirdie

Avmom-

So nice to see you posting and thanks for the thorough update. You have been through so much and it sounds like a ways to go. We will be here every step of the way for you. I'm glad you're getting some counseling next week. I think it almost certainly will help, and I don't think it can hurt.

You will indeed be receiving the bracelet soon. Sounds like the timing will be very good for you. I think in about one month or thereabouts it will be at your doorstep. Don't worry about adding a charm. It has never been a requirement. Only if something strikes you. By now it probably is very heavy, and I hope its weight translates for you the caring bond we all share in this group.

I will be thinking if you as you navigate the waters ahead.

Hugs and mojo coming your way. Endless supplies.

Carrie37

I posted on another forum too but maybe others have ideas for me: I went for my fourth fill today. My PS said my access port has moved. Used the little magnet thing and then showed me how the needle mark was in a different place. He said it's weird because he stitches them in during surgery. He didn't seem concerned only a little perplexed. But, of course, I am worried. Anyone have any experience with this? I also am in so much more discomfort then with previous fills. Now I am so paranoid that something is wrong with my TE. One foob is noticeably lower than the other.

eheinrich

Carrie! I posted here or somewhere my TE is all up in my armpit & my real boob (even though lifted) is nowhere near the foob. It's so messed up...

avmom

thank you, thank you, thank you.

neverthought

I thought I was used to the brillo pad on my head but now I am just cold. So the buffs and hats came back out to keep my ears covered. And when they come off it is just not pretty. Plus just don't have the stamina that I used to. By the end of the day, brain is just too tired. Will stamina and brain improve over time? So glad it is Friday.

So grateful to have this thread. Sorry so many worrisome decisions, test results and life circumstances to deal with. And grateful that March sisters are not afraid to share.

Jackbirdie

Neverthought- you must re-align your thought process... For us, now, hat head is a good thing! Haha

It does get better. I promise. There will be setbacks, but it does. It helps when all tx is finally done, and so many of us are still in the throes if Herceptin, recon, and various re-entering life as we knew it issues.

Good to see you!

slothabouttown

Eileen congrats on your interview, can't wait to hear that you nailed it! I'm in the process of hiring for three different positions right now and I can tell you that the process is exhausting on this side of the desk too.

With all the news coming out of oregon yesterday I neglected to point out, like I seem to always do at the first of every month, that most of us have been living in the BC world now for 10 months! We've been through winter spring and summer together and now it's getting to be fall. And all the experiences we've shared through diagnostics, chemo, rads, recon, every Damn layer of the sandwich has been so much more tolerable with this group to share with.

Every day I come home from work and the first thing I do after romping around with the dogs is check in on this forum, it's become my routine and my best support, just knowing all of you are in this for the long haul with me is a huge comfort. I appreciate all of your kind words, humor, irreverence, wisdom, and occasional 80s references. Thanks to every one of you who still read and post in this March forum!

Helen and Savvy, wishing Eileen a killer interview and symmetrical boobs.

jumbledbamboo

Katy having that go to outfit for any day is a must! I get so stressed trying to find something I go batshit,

AVmom I do not know a lot but I am sending you a gentle hug right now.

All of our oregon ladies I am thinking of you and so devastated. This is so sad and I am thinking of you all.

I go for my recon on Monday. I am going for it. The eye thing may be nothing. I think it was here that I showed how wonky it is in a pic a while back. We are planning to just stay in a hotel the night before so that travel to the hospital will be less stressful. My sister will try "try" to come with me to th neuro opth on that Friday. I just want some support. Thanks ladies for listening. I am a PITA with all this stuff.

shaz101

I've been down visiting the rabbits. There were already too many down there so I've come back up for a while.

You girls are all so amazing. You are my rocks and sources of info when I need real answers.

My sheep are about to get sheared. They are not happy being put into a small yard. I hope you're all sleeping well.

Katy, your bathroom and kitchen will look amazing. I'm looking forward to seeing the end results.

Eileen. Good luck at the interview.

my everything is crossed for those who are having tests.

Italychick

avmom, so great to hear from you. My arms are around you right now in a big hug, I am so sorry you are having such difficulty. As Katy said, don't worry about adding a charm if you can't, you are a part of our group of sisters, and I hope the bracelet can reinforce that. Know I am here rooting for you, however I can. I don't know what else to say except best of luck for surgery, and I will be thinking about you!

Sloth, great to hear from you, I have missed your wit!

pboi

Avmom...I'm having a prophylactic MX too, though on Nov. 11. My tumor was not found by mammo either, so I understand the worry of what might be found on the other side.I'm having an oophorectomy at the same time. I too will be making a counseling appointment in hopes it will help me.

I'm posting this so you know you are not alone, I'm going through this now too. We will get through this! It is comforting for me to come here, I feel the love and support from all the ladies here who truly "get" what I'm feeling. Thank you all!

PB

jumbledbamboo

I miss having rabbits! We had minis and regular. Mine was Buttermilk, chocolate chip and mable. They were so fun. I wish that we could have more pets but you have to have the mooola(see what I did?) to take care of emergencies.

Jackbirdie

Sloth- the pups are adorable! I've missed you too.

PB- we are with you.

Amber- that is certainly a lot coming up. Can you both repeat your dates so I can get them in my calendar?

It is very exciting that the people behind the Think Before You Pink program have asked me to expand what I've written so they can use my story in their media and blog. As I think I mentioned, they launched a new campaign on Oct 1 called Poison Is Not Pretty to take the ACC and the Personal Care Products Council (an industry group of course) to task about the abhorrent practice of giving carcinogenic and endocrine-disrupting products (which can make Tamoxifen fail) to cancer patients via the Look Good Feel Better program.

It is making me feel a lot better, and less like a victim (which I definitely was feeling) to speak up for all of us. I thank SpecialK once again who, through her impeccable knowledge and gentle guidance, has led me to this place.

SpecialK

jackbirdie - thank you! I like that you are feeling empowered by doing this - that is a good thing! Here is some more fuel for your fire - BCRF The Breast Cancer Research Fund, is a group hailed for having very low administrative costs and giving much money to research - more than most - but it is an offshoot of Estee Lauder, maker of carcinogenic cosmetics. Susan G. Komen also tried to launch a perfume as a fundraiser but I don't believe it sold much, as it contained carcinogens. Revlon helped bring Herceptin to the market, and Avon sponsors the 3-day walks - but, you guessed it.....

Jackbirdie

thoroughly disgusting, Special. I have lost all naïveté so none of this shocks me. But it does sadden me. And I WILL use the ammunition. Komen has so lost their way. I do hold the cosmetics companies accountable but their natural profit- making ways can sort of explain why they try to get away with this shit.

But Komen, a non-profit, now resembles a publicly traded company more than a non profit. I bet Susan K is rolling in her grave.

DavisD

Good morning everyone! I still haven't heard results of my MRI, Friday was only 24 hrs but I feel if it were really bad he would have called me....? I'm choosing to believe it will be fine.

Friday the neuropathy, nerve pain, inability to focus, etc, maxed out. It rained heavily all day and I felt miserable by the time I got home from work. I did keep my appointment with the social worker from Life with Cancer. She suggested downloading one of the apps for meditation. Anyone have any suggestions? Meditation is work for me, ha!

Avmom-My heart goes out to you. My mental state hasn't been good lately and I've vowed to at least post something every day to feel connected. It really does help me. When I don't check in I sometimes feel totally alone so I try to make myself just power through and sometimes I inadvertently experience some real pleasure. Always a smile from this forum. Sending you my warmest thoughts and gentle hugs:)

Eileen-Good luck on your interview. I don't think I could give you any better fashion advice than you've already received! You'll nail it if it's right for you.

Allison-Haven't read the article yet. Wanted to stay on my plan of responding to this thread while I'm feeling half way decent. My mood fluctuates so much throughout the day...The article sounds very thought provoking and thanks for sharing. Comments to come....:)

pboi-I'm with you too...

sending this before finishing my thoughts, my dogs are wanting in and they are soaked! Be back later

Jackbirdie

Good morning Diane- regarding the meditation, I have a hard time with guided meditation, using DVDs, apps etc, as by the time I get it all set up it feel like work to me too.

A couple of years ago my shrink showed my on Skype what he does. It's just slow, controlled, breathing and thinking of nothing. It's not so easy at it sounds. I try to breathe slowly and deeply, to the count of 3 or 4, whatever I can do, and try to slow my breathing down.

While you are doing this, and trying to think of nothing, all the beasties will try to come into your head. I was told to imagine something like packing them up on a ship and watching it go over the horizon. I chose a Disneyland-ride type car. I see myself waving to all of those thoughts as they turn the corner around the mountain and go out of sight. Invariably they come back and I just send them around the bend again.

This works for me because it is simple, I can do it any place, any time, with no set up or apparatus. That way, when I need it most I can stop, even in a public bathroom stall and do it for a couple of minutes. It doesn't half to be 15 minutes or a half hour to be effective. You can slow your breathing down and get calm in a matter of minutes. It's your choice-when you are in a situation when you can and need to do it longer, just keep breathing and practice keeping your mind blank. They call it "a practice of meditation" because even the most sage and experienced of yogis still have to practice, after all their years of doing it.

I hope this helps. I'm so glad you're here.

K

eheinrich

Thanks Helen & Savvy (and Linda) - not sure which I'd like more the job or symmetrical boobs

Jackbirdie

I can't figure out who is funnier. You E, or Sloth. Your acerbic wit always makes me smile

IndyGal35

My charm has arrived, and the bracelet will be heading to Carrie on Monday. I've hogged it for far too long, but it has been such a joy and comfort. DH's birthday is tomorrow, and we are having a group birthday celebration with friends today. It will be with me for one last send-off before the bracelet continues its tour.