Starting Chemo March 2015

Meme117

Yyea Carrie great news! What is your next step?

Sorry E a great big hug to you! I hope the antibiotics work.

Thanks for all the TE info, I also was wondering, thanks for asking Sue. Sounds painful.

Lee have you had any other se from herceptin? Had my first today after being off for 7 weeks. The only odd symptom I'm having is restless legs mostly my right one, started about half way thru treatment. How are you going to do rads with treatment? Schedule rads first or second?

I absolutely loved not going to my MOs office these last few weeks, it was as if I didn't have cancer. The surgery for me was so much easier to deal with and recovery has not been too bad. I actually feel like it could have been for anything not necessarily cancer, though I know they removed 2 tumors. I've felt so much better these last weeks how could I have cancer? I think if I could see the tumors, see the cancer then I'd know for sure. Know for sure all of this crap is worth it. Appointment after appointment after appointment, geez I frickin hate cancer

ksusan

Eileen, so sorry

Jackbirdie

Carrie- so glad drains are out.

Eileen.... 😖😓😖

slothabouttown

Appointments ugh. Saw my MO today and as usual she's "not concerned " with any of my odd pains and weird feelings. I'm beginning to think I could walk into her office with a newly sprouted parasitic twin hanging off me and she'd tell me she wasn't concerned about it! I told the PA about the high anxiety and tendency to worry oh, say, ALL THE TIME. Guess what? Not concerned.

So, pboi, I hear you about the rabbit hole. I sure would like to turn a corner in my head and shift the focus back to the things I used to think were important. Now I just go through my work day thinking how ridiculous the office drama is, or how unimportant this project is compared to my own mortality. Dang it I wish I could go back to worrying about normal things instead of cancer things or having cancer thoughts dangling in front of every other thought, refusing to be forgotten.

Going camping this weekend and hoping that might clear my head a little. And Eileen, it sucks that you're hurting. I hope tomorrow they knock out whatever's causing the problem.

KBeee

Eileen, So sorry you are dealing with the darn infection; I hope the antibiotics kick it. Sending healing thoughts your way.

Carrie, glad the drains are out.

Sloth, Frudtrating that your MO does not listen. He sounds like a brother to my ex MO

ninjamary

CK - AC sucks! I look back now and have no idea how I did it. I worked pretty much full-time during it and I think was crazy for doing that. Even thinking of AC makes me sick to my stomach. You will get through it. Just keep thinking you've passed the halfway mark. I will let you know if there had been a 5th infusion I would have refused it.

ninjamary

Sloth - OMG you are cracking me up. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. At my last support group meeting I bitched about my MO (support group is affliated with the hospital) I discussed my neuropathy and how no one gave a shit about it. The nurse at the meeting told me to call MO, get a physical therapy eval script and an occupational therapy script from MO, you know ... just call and ask for it. Well why the "F" didn't MO give me those the last time I was there (they day before) I'm at the point of "why bother" because I'm just a cry baby.

Anyhow you made me laugh today. I thank you for that.

Carrie37

Maryellen, next for me is getting the TE's filled as much as possible before I start rads. Now my PS is talking about waiting six weeks to start fills. The longer I wait to start that, the longer I have to wait until I start rads. I want to move on with my life. At the same time I know he is a doctor and he cited some new research when talking about waiting longer. Also something about that whole shredding of the muscle thing. Healing from that before starting fills sounds appealing.

I hear you about having a few weeks off and starting to almost forget about the cancer. I felt like that before surgery. I finished chemo and was feeling pretty good. And then I started this again. And Sloth, I hate that doctors can be so dismissive! I have gotten that feeling a lot lately, like my doctors are so used to the routine of seeing patients, doing surgery, etc that they seem to forget there is a person trying to live a life behind all of this...US!! When the nurse yesterday was getting ready to take out my drains she started with her whole speech on how she was going to do it. I finally interrupted her and said "you must do these a lot. I just saw you Saturday and you took out my other two drains." I felt so used. Haha! I hope you know what I mean.

I've written a lot here. Kind of rambling. Hope everyone has a great day. Thinking of you Eileen and hoping relief is headed your way today! 💜💜

eheinrich

Thanks ladies. I'll know more today. I knew it shouldn't have been hurting this badly. I'm so frustrated.

Whitney I can't wait to hear how the reading went.

Meme117

Sloth you are too funny, thanks for the laugh😀

Carrie totally right, the staff are so used to the routine of it all that they forget it is new for us.

I love my BS, her office which is all women integrates and promotes other therapies to help with healing. They believe in healing physically, spiritually and emotionally. At the next group support meeting they are having someone do music therapy, I have no idea what that entails but I'm gonna try to go.

Off to PT, have an awesome day friends☀️

Positive thiughts your way E, hope your doing better!

pboi

Eileen...thinking of you today and hope youre feeling better and getting more pain relief.

Thanks everyone for your replies, it really helps me feel like I'm not the only one feeling like this! I'm feeling a bit better today, but I hate this feeling of constantly worrying! I hear it takes time to get better...but right now I can't see that happening...

Sloth... If you don't mind my asking what odds pains and weird feelings do you have? I'm having a hard time sorting what might still be post chemo, post rads, Lupron, or Arimidex, or if it's some recurrence/mets I should worry about...sigh.

Allison...thinking of you too and hoping all is going well.

PB

wpmoon

Thank you for the support and encouragement everyone! Reading went well. The emcee started crying when she read my bio, which made me cry. So I started the reading a little teary eyed and snotty. Then powered through. Looked up a few times to see people in the audience crying. Quite a few people came up to me afterwards to thank me for sharing my story and congratulate me. A few people asked if I write anything else. Mentioned my blog. I have an idea for something bigger than that, but we'll see if it goes anywhere.

In addition to being published in their newsletter, they gave me tickets for their spring conference. I'm hoping I can make it.

I'm going back to work tonight to finish my 6 weeks of training. I'm nervous/scared/don'twannago. I really thought I wanted this job last year, now... not so much. I feel like because we made it/are making it through cancer, some people expect us to do great things with our lives. I'm not vacillating between wanting to do great things, and forgetting it ever happened.

Jackbirdie

Whitney- I think you can do both. Forget it ever happened and do great things. Because it wasn't having cancer that makes you do great things. You were always you. Cancer is nothing more than a stage. A backdrop. No pun intended on the stage thing.

shaz101

sloth, that's exactly how I feel when I see anyone. They ask me how I'm going and I tell them. But it's like I've just spoken to the wall! They just then tell me when they need to see me next and dismiss me! I walk out feeling like it was pointless going.

Eileen I hope the antibiotics are working. Thinking of you.

Pb I'm glad you've poked your head up.

Carrie how are you? You sound good!😊 I hope that is the case.

I'm thinking about going back to my gp again today. I saw the pt yesterday and she said that the drugs should be working by now and that I need to go back. She is so lovely,she actually sounds like she cares!!! She's booked me in at the pool next week to go through some exercises for my LE. She doesn't think I should be going back to work just yet either. Im feeling very anxious about returning!

I went to my craft group last night and a new lady asked me what was wrong with my arm. I told her that I have BC. Another lady corrected me and said that I HAD BC I didn't have it anymore!

IndyGal35

Spent 4 hours at the hospital today. My first rad set-up wasn't right, so they had to rewrite my plan. Between the 2 imaging sessions, I had my hands over my head for about 90 minutes. My right expander area is screaming at me tonight.

Since I'd already been there 4 hours, I was still there after their last patient of the day left. They went ahead and gave me my first dose today! 50 greys over 25 doses and 7 planes. I'm so worried about the fatigue and skin. My hgb is still 9.1 almost 3 months PFC, and it hasn't budged in a month. Plus, I need my skin to be in good shape so I can get these TE's out. I'm so ready to be done with them. It's no longer worth the constant pain for me.

Send prayers that this bite of the sandwich will be the easiest yet. The chemo and surgery are still apparently my gifts that keep on giving!

shaz101

Lee, big hugs to you! Rads for me was the easiest, hopefully for you they will be too. The fatigue and burn started for me probably around week 5. I'm about 1.5 weeks out and the burn is now a tan except for the area where my boost was. You can do this! Bloody hell you've done everything else ☺I hope the TE settles very soon.

It's hard to tell what SE is from which treatment and I'm feeling like I'm a hyperchondriac. I have an appointment at 4 with my GP.

Carrie37

Sharon, thanks for asking...I think I'm doing okay. I think I'm feeling sad over being flat. Even though people had shown me their scars prior to my surgery I don't think I was ready for how I look. Now, with drains out, I am realizing what has happened to my body. Sigh.

Lee, I'm sorry you were at the hospital so long. What a pain! Literally! I can't even imagine having my arm above my head like that for 90 minutes. I hope you are feeling better today.

Thinking of you Allison

Jackbirdie

Lee- I am so sorry for your ongoing pain. And 4 hrs today! Sending warn thoughts and mojo.

Sharon- I'm so glad your PT is nice. Somebody needs to care!

My LE tx finished today. I'm on my own now. She thought my truncal swelling had gone way down, and I will continue doing the MLD and compression THE REST OF MY LIFE. UGH.

I had a nice day otherwise out with my man Jack. We went to the Farners' Market and on a therapy visit to the memory care facility.

Here we are enjoying the day. I went commando all day.

neverthought

I have nothing to complain about compared to almost everyone on this thread but am a little cranky anyway. I have been told umpteen times that everyone on chemo is taking antidepressants. Is that true??? I think if you are being treated for cancer you have a right to be a little sad or worried sometime. Should I be jumping for joy that I have a 25-30% chance of recurrence plus umpteen appointments with dentist, eye doctor, eye surgery and crowns? Isn't it normal to be little worried about losing your job/health insurance after seeing the bill for over $90000 for cancer treatment so far this year? Add the 14 year old car, 40 year old refrigerator (no kidding), 90 year old dad and sometimes I am a little grumpy. Then turn on the news to see heartbreaking pictures of refugees and war. Hope everyone will forgive me for being a little down in the dumps some of the time. Sorry for going on and on. Is everyone on antidepressants but me?

neverthought

Wow Katie, look at you! What a difference from before you moved into your new house. You look great!

shaz101

neverthought I'm not on them. My opinion is that Im Not depressed! I'm not going to suppress my feelings! People just need to listen to them occasionally. That would help, instead of saying how tough/brave I am and basically shutting the door on anything to the contrary.

Katy,you look amazing! Go girl!

shaz101

Not enough for me to go commando yet! I'm looking forward to not drawing on eyebrows everyday!

Jackbirdie

Neverthought- thank you. It has brightened me up to be in a new place where there are no reminders of the last 9 months.

I am not on anti- depressants. I am bipolar instead. Opposite problem a lot of the time. So I'm not drug free, but technically not ADs. There is no shame in needing or taking whatever helps. Just because you have a reason, like cancer, to feel bad, doesn't always mean you can explain it to yourself and move on.

Treatment, generally thought to be most effective with meds and talk therapy, can put you in a mind set to be open to learn new tools to deal with your new truths.

Whether you do or don't is highly personal. But if you find you are not enjoying daily life, things you used to do, talking to a cancer specialized therapist first, before determining if meds could be helpful, might be an intermediate step for you.

I know it may sound nuts to talk about "happy" and cancer in the same sentence. Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy I got bc. I am not happy I'm still recovering from a surgery more than 8 months ago. I really wasn't happy being put in the position of having to trash my body with chemo for less than 5% recurrence risk reduction.

But in a strange way, maybe because I have struggled with mental illness before, I was a bit lucky because I had learned some tools that have been helpful in letting me be happy I'm alive, happy to know all of my wonderful new sisters, happy to share my dog with the elderly, the infirm, and the ill. I really don't want to sound preachy. Breast cancer was not a BLESSING. no. But I intend to now limit what cancer has taken from me. If I need or don't need meds or therapy-whatever it takes.

Big hugs for you. I'm very impressed with your refrigerator! You must have taken great care of it.

Now you take great care of you. Ok?

Jackbirdie

Sharon ..,, Soon....

neverthought

Thanks for the advice and encouragement and listening to my grumbling.

And I thought I was the only one who realized that I was getting 5% or less benefit from chemo. Had a hard time explaining to one of my friends that I thought it was still worth it. Almost everyone else doesn't believe me that is all the benefit I got. That is why I am a strong believer in funding for research on causes and prevention. I don't want younger people to go through what we've been going through. Sure wish I knew what caused my cancer so I could stop doing whatever it is/was.

ksusan

Neverthought, I agree with you and I'm not taking an antidepressant, though I would if I felt the need.

michele1028

my daughter will be starting chemo on Thursday. She says she wants to go alone, that she'll read and be fine. I want to be with her in case she needs anything or wants to talk or wants nothing. Should I insist or will she needs okay.

Italychick

neverthought no drugs here either. If necessary, I can always do a temporary spot medication with my friends Jim, Jack and Johnny - whiskey is my poison of choice - although not for the past 9 months. Nine friggin' months, I can't believe it! I must be an eternal optimist or something, because when people says they feel bad for me I just shrug and say everybody has something to deal with in their life.

Ksusan, thought of you today. Actually used you today to mentally bitch slap a nosy person, hope you don't mind. Flying to Chicago from San Diego airport, got asked in bathroom did I do chemo? Guess short hair means chemo. I thought about it a minute and said "no, I'm a lesbian." Wtf is wrong with people. Certainly shut her ass up though lol. Woman standing next to me was holding a 7 week old baby and the flustered woman that asked me the stupid question turned to her and said "are you waiting for the bathroom? She said no, I'm waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom and then looked at me and winked. I about pissed myself! Teach that stupid woman to open her mouth again. It was hard to not bust out in laughter.

Eileen, what happened? I know you were in pain but I must have missed a posting or something.

SpecialK

never - I did not take antidepressants either.

Michele - I would listen to what your daughter wants and respect her wishes

Meme117

Whitney so happy the reading went well, maybe that is the new path for you. Wasn't there a professional writer in the group?

Lee sorry about your hospital visit, what are greys? And planes? Sometimes I think the medical staff think we have nothing else to do with our day.

Sharon I bought a lash/brow enhancer and I think it really works. My eyebrows are definitely growing in but I didn't lose all. My eyelashes are still sparse and not growing back yet. It's rapid lash xl, cost $25 at BJs.

Neverthough I'm not on antidepressants. I've always been positive not a worry wart, I leave that to my husband, and i think it helps me deal with chemo and the whole cancer thing. The chemo shrank my tumor .6cm, not a lot but some. My RO told me ahead of time not to expect too much, Other doctors never stated such. She said to think of chemo as the way to kill cancer cells throughout my whole body, ones that maybe didn't show up on scans, then the surgery removes the tumor and the radiation will kill any remaining cancer cells. Do I think about recurrence? Yes but I won't dwell on it then the cancer would have won.

I'm going to be attending the PA breast cancer coalition conference next month, they have workshops and speakers and of course a pink party, I wish you all could come with! The main topic is about triple negative so I'll be happy to pass it on to anyone with that dx.

Any word from E?