Starting Chemo March 2015

SueH58

And you feel so much better after a good cry. It'll juice you up for s good day tomorrow.

Meme117

Good morning from PA, I've been off for a few days and it's taken me a while to catch up.

I feel like we share the same emotional cycles. I had my 3rd spa on Monday and so dreaded going, different feelings from the other two. I kept busy all weekend so as to avoid thinking about it. Had a great weekend, enjoyed beautiful sunshine. Went to a local street fair, watched the Derby activities, took son & 3 friends to see new Avengers, soccer game, made Sunday dinner for family and then BAM remembered had to take the steroids😔 have slept like total crap since Sunday and have had no naps. Woke up several times feeling like I was in an oven, hot flashes or steroids I don't know? Truly didn't want to go, fended off the crying burst outs and kept feelings to myself. Feel as I have to be strong for my son and husband, he doesn't do emotions well. I've always been the stronger one. I think he thinks I'm fine since I'm not crawled up in a ball praying to the porcelain god. A friend gave me an affirmation magnet which is on the fridge, I read it each day multiple times and it got me thru Never never never give up. It sucks cause you start to feel like your wonderful old self and then WTF back to cancer, boo-hoo.be back have to get son ready for school.

SC_Coqui

I'm surprised that they would do Adriamycin as drip. They're very strict about it at my Onc's office. If they can't pull blood from you're IV / Port they will absolutely not do the infusion. As they do the push, they do a blood draw every couple of minutes to make sure that they are still in the vein. It is so toxic that it can burn skin, they want to make sure that the vein is still intact and that it's not infusing into muscle and skin. I'm so glad that I am DONE with it.

I had my appointment with my doctor today and got more clarification with what's going on. The Pathologist is going to run more tests on my tissue samples. This time from what they removed from my nodes. They're hoping to get a clearer read. We should know today. If it's negative, then no Herceptin, if it's positive or equivicol again then Herceptin. If my MO doesn't have the results today, we'll skip herceptin tomorrow.

Today I have an echo done as well. Working from home. It's a gorgeous day out!

Leighrh

Yep Trvler, Thursday is my day.... super nervous this time and Bekah... really weepy about it.  Not sure why this one is getting to me so much.  I  cry thinking about how much I don't wanna go and I get nauseous thinking about how I felt last time.  I wish I could exercise but these last two I haven't felt up to it until at least day 5 after.  I might try and just push through and try to go to the gym Friday.  For me I really think it's the steroids that get me so down.  I did cut back last time to one the day after tx and half a pill the next 2 days but I really think the bag the give me during tx takes a couple of days to shake off. 

Katy and Littleblue -- I think we are chair sisters tomorrow!  I will be thinking of you both!

Trvler

I think most of the problems are the steroids too. They make me jittery. She said I could ease of the Dex but I am just going to suck it up and take it. I kind of know now what to expect and I am not going to not take something to sleep like I did last time. But Ativan wears off pretty fast to tonight I will take Xanex.

Leighrh

Did you  ask for a script for Ativan or did your MO just give it to you?  Mine has not offered it but I can ask I guess.  Does it take the edge off that horrible steroid feeling?  I only take Zofran and Phenagren which makes me sleep.  So I feel like I really just sleep for 3 days.

Jackbirdie

Maryellen- so sorry you're feeling down and have to hold it all in and "be strong like bull" in front of everyone.. Maybe the bracelet will come to you this week and bring some magic! In the meantime, thinking of you.

Leigh- yes you and I in the chair tomorrow. and littleblue? I don't think I've made her acquaintance......anyway yes good luck to the three of us tomorrow. I think it is #3 for you Leigh? Out of 4? Sure hope so, being 75% done would be great. I am 4 of 6 tomorrow. And oh so looking forward to starting the steroids.

Karen30

hello everyone- day 5 post AC and finally feel a bit better- I skipped all the extra decadron this time only had what they gave me in the bag during infusion- it definitely reduced the volume of the shakyiness but I still had it. My red devil is via push as well - interesting how some places have different protocols - it's really toxic so I'm glad they check and triple check as the give the push. My liver functions were out of wack as well prior to infusion so they are rechecking on Friday- I have avoided all OTC meds even emergenC this week- coconut water has been my rehydrate- I only had the plain one for days around chemo - it's not great tasting but after day 2 I've had the flavored ones and they are not bad at all.

I'm sorry so many of you are having a difficult time with hubby's- I don't know how you do it- I'm newly divorced and can't imagine having to deal with a hubby as well- I will say I found outy ex is now officially dating some poor woman- my initial thought was how unfair it was that he got to be living it up while I was dealing with this crap- I'm trying not to become the bitter ex wife- but it does suck - still as many of my friends have reminded me karma is a bitch - and I definitely don't want him back so all I can say is good luck to her she is going to need it!!

I hope those of you headed to the spa today have an easy ride , and those recovering enjoy our few days of "normal".

Trvler

Hmmm…they gave me ativan to sleep and they gave me zofran to take in the morning and last night. Is that one that makes you drowsy? It didn't affect me that way. If you want help sleeping try a low dose of xanex. Ativan only lasts about 6 hours.

Leighrh

Nope its the Pheagren that puts me to sleep... and its a deep sleep... so much that when I have to get up its really hard to shake off.  But the Zofran gives me  a headache and it doesn't seem to work very well especially the first and 2nd day.

Jackbirdie

Karen- glad you are feeling a bit better today. I am sorry you are alone going through this process, but I think you have it right that it is better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't support you, or worse, like I've read on some threads here, they can actually pull you down. While expecting you to continue to take care of their needs.

Having said that, I've also been heart-warmed by stories of some relationships, when sometimes even the couples become stronger, and the husbands really step up. A variation on this theme occurs with friends too. Very hard time to learn these life lessons.

On the anti-anxiety and sleep front, I was prescribed (already, by another dr, not my MO) klonopin/clonazepam, which has a longer half-life than either Ativan or Xanax, or Valium, all in the same class of meds, benzodiazepines...... They are all used for different things. The short half-lived ones are good when an immediate reaction needs to take effect. I've had Ativan in the ER. But for longer term use, my dr. told me he prefers clonazepam, because it has a longer half- life and is more likely to last for the full night.

Also, the longer the half life, supposedly the less likely you are to become dependent. Because you don't have more drug rushing at once at the beginning, it is less likely to create the "drug-seeking" reaction later. I'm not sure about all of that, but the best I can do with my doc is clonazepam.

Jackbirdie

Italychick- best of luck in the chair today!

Enjoy your cookies!!!

SueH58

I didn't have steroids, but still have not been able to sleep for a week. I took 3 mg of melatonin last night as suggested by nurse and pretty much slept like a baby. Maybe you guys can add that to your ativan or other medications.

SC - did they do your HER2 via the FISH test? Mine was done 2 ways - the first came back equivocal but the fish came back negative. I'm sure they did, just throwing that out there.

Enjoy your day. Out to buy some new hummingbird-attracting perennials.

so-she-did

Just coming out of the rabbit hole. Chemo fog and fatigue were intense this time. I have been spotty on reading posts and I have pages to get caught up on but found this on my Facebook feed this morning and thought of you all. This goes along with those conversations we have had about stupid things people have said or done. http://www.boredpanda.com/empathy-cards-cancer-postcards-serious-illness-emily-mcdowell/.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Jackbirdie

Sue- you are after my own heart. I had a little hummingbird who came to my feeder every day while I was going through the worst of surgery recovery. I always loved them, but now I feel an extra kinship with them. It was the only source of a smile for many weeks.One of the charms on my bracelet is a tiny hummingbird.

Melatonin is a great idea, thanks for suggesting it. It works for many people, and you don't need a script!

Jackbirdie

Amy- you've done it again! Even though you're just emerging from the hole, you have managed to cheer me up enough to get me started today.

I would love to pass all those cards out to my friends. Then stand at the doors of the local hospital as people are exiting,,or wherever I could find the potentially stupid people who don't know about these cards!

I will patronize the panda!

I hope you have a wonderful day

eheinrich

Amy those cards are great. Thanks for posting the link.

SueH58

Amy - AWESOME cards!

Katy - I have to tell you about a trip we made to Costa Rica a couple of years ago. We went to a hummingbird sanctuary (the birds were free to come and go). There were hundreds of them in all species and sizes. Twice a day they let you feed them. They put a little purch on a tube (like one you get on roses) and the birds would sit 3 and 4 on that thing and drink sugar water. The most fascinating thing was that their tongues are twice as long as their beaks, so you could see them dipping down into the tube to eat. Best experience of my life!

If I would not be impositing (since I'm not officially part of the March group), I would like to contribute a hummingbird charm for the bracelet in Katy's honor.

Sunny day's today,

Sue

Trvler

Sue: So glad you got some sleep!

I have been having a beautiful cardinal come visit me every morning in my crabapple bush right outside my kitchen window. He chirps loudly to tell me he is there. This is the first time in 11 years I have noticed one every day. Sign? Maybe not but I enjoy it.

SueH58

Lots of cardinals here in WI too, but none that make a point to say "hey" each day.

Actually, I see Katy already added a hummingbird charm. I'll think of something else.

Jackbirdie

oh Sue.... You are not imposing here. Perish the thought! I didn't know that hummingbirds had tongues! What wonderful imagery you provided me. You must capture that and call on it when you have a down day and feel yourself slipping down the rabbit hole!

You are most welcome to contribute to the bracelet and I am really touched at your gesture. Send me your address via pm. You will be sent the magic bracelet in due course (will be months, just a warning) and you can wear it, add to it, say incantations over it... For 2-3 weeks, then you will be notified by pm where to send it next. I am the keeper of the addresses and they are safe with me. Only the person just before you on the list will know your address, so they can send the bracelet to you. Thanks so much Sue

Jackbirdie

Sue- there is my own personal bracelet, which has a hummingbird on it.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling F Bracelet has its own bracelet!

So far it has the F, and a little bed that Diane out in it. I think it is on its way to Maryellen in PA right now, and I am not sure if she is planning on adding to the bracelet or not. It is not a requirement.

So your idea is wonderful

SueH58

Katy, I don't know what happened to my digital pics (probably on my bad PC), but I will try to find them. Yes, their tongues and LONNNG and skinny and work like crazy. I always thought they drank from their beaks!

Jackbirdie

Allison- I take that as a sign. A good one! When I lived in PA, I really enjoyed the cardinals. In the winter, when everything was bleak, the color was astoundingly beautiful. I always liked seeing them in pairs, but the poor Mrs. only had the red beak, while Mr, (like so many males in nature) strutted his red stuff all over!. A nice memory this morning. Thank you!

Amy, I just bought 6 of those cards! 25% off when you choose any 6! And I don't even start the steroids till tonight! Not a good sign for my pocketbook

Jackbirdie

Sue- I beseech thee to find those pics!

I think we ALL could use a look at THAT!!

eheinrich

Katy, let's hope you never have occasion to send those cards though.

Trvler

Katy: They have to be beautiful or the lady birds won't have anything to do with them. Wonder why?

so-she-did

I just accidentally ate 2 of those big Costco chocolate chip cookies. Well, "accidentally" isn't quite an accurate account of how things went down

Trvler

Accidentally. Love it!

wpmoon

The steroids haven't been letting me sleep very well the last few days, either. I'm exhausted. And my face is all puffy/fluffy. I know it'll go away in due time, it's only temporary, blah blah blah, like everyone KEEPS REMINDING ME, but I hate it. I hate not looking like myself.

No D for me yet after this round, but now having painful stools. Maybe my body has decided to switch things up on me?!

Had my echocardiogram yesterday morning and they just called to say it was normal. I asked about my elevated liver enzymes, and my MO is on vacation, so the Dr. that responded back said that it's a very common side effect and it should rectify itself after treatment is over. I plan on emailing my MO again next week to hear it from him.

Good luck to everyone in the chair today!