SCARED - first appointment at Sloan Kettering tomorrow

florida2015

Hi, I just got diagnosed with early stage cancer and have my first appointment tomorrow morning. I am not sleeping, exercising like I was, having constipation issues and generally just staying mostly in house and panicking.

I am an empty nester as of this September, married and have mentally not been in a good place even before this diagnosis. I feel very alone - I don't have a support system of friends, I let most of the people go I had as friends for various reasons, so I basically have a sister that lives an hour and a half away, my husband who has been very supportive -but with whom I have had a rocky relationship, so I am sure being on this board will help me get some support and I am sure I will need for piece of mind to find a breast cancer support group in my town.

My question is what should I be expecting tomorrow at my appointment? Will I be examined or will it be strictly a question and answer session. I am sure they will look at my paperwork and give recommendations, but what else do I need to know. Is it too early for them to have a pathology report just based on a biopsy taken? I know I will want to get a second opinon - is this something I explore right now and how do I go about finding the best person I can. I live on Long Island, and am going to go to Sloan Kettering in Commack NY for my first consulation, but if its determined that there are better Dr's in NYC, I may consider going there for a second opinion. I mentally right now feel very depressed and hardly able to function. I don't work, I have two girls in college who are due back for spring break in less than a month and I don't want to mention this to them. The only people that know are my two sisters, my husband and my best friend. My best friend and sisters live in different states.

Please help me get started.

Thank you.

Ariom

Hey florida, hello again! It is pretty quiet around here at the moment. It is normal to feel panicky and uncertain, you have just had a terrible shock. I am sorry you are feeling alone, but you'll find there is a lot of support here from women all over the world. Once you have a final Dx, you can follow the threads where there will be women with a similar Dx and they will happily share their experiences with you.

You will never be alone here, everyone understands how you're feeling.

This is a process, once you have spoken to the Doctor tomorrow, you'll have more of an idea of what is going on. You say your husband is supportive, for me, that was hugely important, my husband was there at every appointment and boosted my self esteem after my surgery, with his acceptance of the changes to my body and has been with me every step of the way. We were strong before, but even better now.

I am also very involved in my local Breast Cancer group, so can recommend you seek out a group, if that's something you're comfortable with. I have made so many friends and I really enjoy being part of a network for newly Dx women who are seeking support in my community.

I am assuming you will get your pathology results from your Biopsy tomorrow and the Doctor will outline the treatment options available to you. You say you were given a Dx of early stage cancer, so that would have come from the path report, from your biopsy. Make sure you ask for a copy, to keep as a record.

You can certainly go for a second opinion, many women do that. Try to take it one day at a time, take notes or tape the appointment and if you have any questions, write them down so you don't forget, when you're in there.

I don't know if you're one who would take anything for the depression you're feeling, many women here have had medication prescribed to help them get through, it is always an option that you can discuss with your Doctor.

Let us know how you get on tomorrow.

Moderators

florida, we know it's hard at the beginning, but you'll get through it! If it helps, we invite you to read the Breast Cancer 101 section from our main site, to help you sort through all of the information on our site to find what is more relevant to you right now like questions to ask your doctor, your diagnosis, getting a second opinion, etc.

We hope this helps, let us know how it goes tomorrow.

The Mods

Trvler

I assume your appointment is with a breast surgeon? They will mostly be focused on whether you chose a mx or a lx. They will give you an overview of both and the statistics they have on outcomes for both. They might briefly go over what may go along with your treatment (i.e. radiation, chemo, hormone therapy etc) but ultimately that is up to the oncologist. But the breast surgeons primary focus is to get that tumor out of you. They aren't terribly concerned with any reconstruction or appearance issues if those are of concern/interest to you.

It sounds like you were like me a bit. Did they just call you and tell you had early stage cancer but provide little other details? They may or may not talk about specifics at your appointment. I find the surgeons don't talk much about A) the specific kind of cancer and the pathology. They might send you for genetic testing or an MRI.

They did not tell me the size of my tumor at all until the third appointment in which I specifically asked. They try to tell you not to get to focused on the size and that you will not really know it until after your surgery when the final path comes back. However, I wanted to know because I saw three different sizes on three different reports. And it does impact your treatment options. I was told I was likely going to have chemo because of the size of my tumor.

Have they told you if it is estrogen and progesterone +? That is important to know and if it is, that's considered good.

With regards to the personal issues, your sounds somewhat like mine although I have kids 9 and 11. I had a couple of friendships including my best friendship go by the wayside in the last year and that made this really harder for me. But I have also found some wonderful, caring people because of this, that I might have otherwise not found. I attended a support group meeting and met some wonderful people there. I had a meltdown in my exercise class and a woman who was standing nearby heard what was going on and she came up and pointed to her short hair and offered to come to appointments with me and help me any way she could. (She is also a nurse). I have grown closer to both of my sisters although they don't live nearby.

YOu can get many of your questions answered here. I could spend days on here, reading, reading, reading and sometimes do.

I wish you the best and good luck at your appointment.

florida2015

I did see the surgeon this morning and she told me it was stage 1, very small and that a lumpectomy and radiation would be the way to go. Of course once it is out then it will be looked at and the nodes around the area. They will determine if I need to take the hormone drugs. I am very relieved not to have a mammo and chemo at this point I am going to schedule it for next week in NYC, since that is where the surgery is done. The sooner the better.

Trvler

It sounds like you are feeling better about everything. Did you learn which type of cancer you had? You might want to read up on that section if you did.

Beachbum1023

Hi Florida, Welcome! You will find a lot of support and love here. Ask any questions you have, you will find a lot of real time answers. Since everyone is different, it is helpful to see what others are doing. Stay away from Dr. Google, the answers are usually outdated and sadly just wrong a lot of the time. There are many threads for just about anything you may need. I visit here often and have met so many lovely ladies. You will find that though many have walked this road before us, we all walk together as we fight our own battles.

Take a breath, and relax a little. You can only fight the battles in front of you, one day at a time! Let us know how it goes.

Cheryl