My MIL is driving me crazy!!!

JJOntario

So....the past week I've had enough. I just stopped answering my phone to my MIL. Since I was diagnosed she has called me daily and our conversations have been more like 20 questions. I just can't take it anymore from her. My DH is now feeling the heat and it sucks that she doesn't seem to understand. I've tried writing her a really nice note letting her know I love her but right now I need time for ME so I can decide what is right for me (masectomy with immediate reconstruction vs rad...complicated by the fact that almost exactly one yr ago I had breast augmentation ..)

Life has been insane...too noisy...and I just need quiet...so I can actually breath and think. We just bought a new house and the move was stressful on top of all of this. Why do I let her make me feel selfish for wanting some space! 23 yrs with this woman...I don't want her comments like "just cut it off and be done with it"...she fails to understand that in the end...I want this to be over too...but hopefully with a nice pair of boobs that still look good in a swim suit!!!

AmyQ

My first instinct is to sit her down and tell her face-to-face just what you told us, but then again, she may be too self-absorbed to truly understand. I wish you luck in your decision.

Amy

SweetHope

Stand your ground and let DH give his mother the attention she wants right now. After twenty-three years, she should know you well enough to trust your decision-making ability.

I don't know either of you, but I am positive that only you can make the correct decision. Once your decision is made, and your plan is initiated, you will feel much stronger and better able to enjoy DMIL.

rozem

I can relate...my MIL drove me around the bend.  She was diagnosed a year prior to me, but completely different scenario (5mm grade 1 lump+ rads) and she was in her mid 70s.  She would make comments like "your eyebrows will fall out" and "well if the radiologist wants you back its probably cancer".  Now none of this sounds terrible in any way but I always felt like she was delivering the bad news before the professionals did.   She was also always trying to compare and there was no comparison (my young age, aggressive type and harsh treatments) in my eyes.  She would make comments like "you'll be fine!  no one dies of bc anymore!" which enraged me even more because she didn't know/understand the facts.  I care deeply about my MIL but it was getting so upsetting for me that I had DH speak to her.  Im sure she was hurt but at the end of the day this was about me, not her - for this moment in time.  I didn't need any more stress then what I was already dealing with.

My advice is to have a conversation with her or have your husband speak to her - and field her calls.  Tell her that the questions and opinions are upsetting and while you know this is because she cares it she needs to give you some space.  In my experience, you may feel badly for doing it but you will feel better emotionally in the long run - and right now this is about YOU

JJOntario

This woman is the queen of the family....I think everyone is a bit afraid of her. She increases my heart rate just talking to her. I really just want to blast her...but I'm trying not to.

It seems right now the only people I want to talk to is my DH and my 2 girls...the silence is actually comforting...like a cozy blanket. I just need it right now...updating everyone is really really exhausting.

SpecialK

If updating one by one is exhausting you might try a FB page, or a CaringBridge page, that way you update once and then people can read it on their own time.  Here is a link:

http://www.caringbridge.org/