Not feeling good, but darn sure determined to look it!

SugarCakes

Anyone else stepped up their appearance since starting this chapter? I have worked from home when not traveling for the past 5 years. That typically means sweats and no make up, even when running errands or going to appointments, during the week. Last week I was in SOME doctor's office every day. Today will make the 3rd day this week. I have gotten nicely dressed (still casual), did my hair and makeup, and accessorized every day. It does help me feel better but also... Call it shallow, insecure, or silly, I want all these doctors and nurses just getting to know me, diagnose me, and determine my treatment to like me and take me seriously. I know I will not be able to keep it up when treatment starts, but I want them to have a glimpse of the physical me before this journey started. Fine, feirce, and feisty is in me!

Professor50

LOL! Yes! I hear myself in your post. I haven't worn my glasses (instead of my contacts) one weekday since I started doing radiation! I have been doing my darnedest to still look like me through this experience.

Akitagirl

I agree! Whenever I go to an appointment or for chemo, I make sure that I look professional and well put together. It gives me a sense of strength and to be honest, I think the providers/nurses/etc tend to take me a bit more seriously? Could just be my imagination, but outward appearance does make a difference both internally and externally.

Susug

Lol! I was just telling a friend yesterday how I have always washed my hair and put make up on everyday of my life. When I stared radiation the fatigue hit me so hard it was all I could do was get out of the bed and to the couch. I keep telling myself to get up and do something one day I just thought to myself just rest and stop worrying this won't last forever. Now I'm back to myself and feel like putting myself together again.i know what you mean about looking nice for appointments .sad but true

JJ47

I had to chuckle when reading through these posts since I too have felt like I want to look my very best whenever I have an appointment with my PS and/or Surgeon. I think I want them to know that my appearance is important to me and that I am willing to work as hard as possible to maintain that for myself. I remember telling each of my doctors how silly it was that my biggest fear was that of losing my hair! That I totally admit to being a vain woman who was most terrified of becoming bald. I have a good sense of humor and love joking with people, so even though I said it in my usual kidding way I was completely honest. In all reality the cancer should have scared me more than being bald, but that was not how I felt!

I just had my bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction last week and have my first follow up appointment with my surgeon and PS tomorrow. I am looking pretty rough, it has been a pretty rough week, but here I am thinking how am I going to fix myself up so I look good for tomorrows appointment (hard to do with my little t-rex arms) and what will I be able to wear! Crazy

MsPharoah

SugarCakes! Hello and boy did your post hit home. Not only did I dress, coif, straighten, accessorize, and made up for all my appointments, but I did so every day during treatment, unless I was in bed for the day during those few days each chemo cycle when I was "out of it". For me, it was a stubborn middle finger to cancer!! I always received compliments on my appearance from the nursing staff and chemo nurses and oftentimes was mistaken for a family member in the waiting room. I did everything I could do to look healthy and it definitely made a difference. Now I will say that there were many days when I would shower, lay down for a bit, put on my lotion and fragrance, and lay down for a bit, moisturize my face, lay down, put on my foundation, lay down...you get my drift.

I am so happy to hear that there are other stubborn gals giving cancer the big middle finger too.

Love, MsP

gentianviolet

Hi Sugarcakes -

My personal quest was to look as wildly healthy as possible. I didn't want to be thought of as "poor little cancer girl" she has no choice as to how she looks. I live in a small enough town that every one knows everything.

I hope your treatment allows you to maintain your feisty status, sending good thoughts.

SugarCakes

love it!!!

Meadow

Yes I too always try to put forward a neat appearance when at the treatment center or doctor, and yes, like MsPharaoh, I did it in stages, lay on the bed resting, then do more. My sweet father in law was a Navy Veteran, and a farmer and the kindest, most gentle man and had many doctor visits and hospital stays related to his service. He always said," I dont want to go to the doctor looking tacky". I have to say you can see lots of people who go tacky not just to the doctor but everywhere in public. I might get to where I dont have energy to care but for now I loved reading this thread of sisters who think the same!

DivineMrsM

Sugarcakes, Akita, and others, I agree, looking our best can be a form of strength. There was a thread started a few years back by a woman by the name of alesta who called it "putting her slap on". She always got dolled up when going to the never ending rounds of doctor appointments. I always tried to look nice, but I started to look even nicer after reading hers and others posts on the subject.

I get scans every six months and request them for early in the morning. I have to get up even earlier to drive an hour to the hospital. Four thirty or five o'clock will find me putting on mascara and curling my hair, then slipping on nice clothes to look my best as I face the day, after the scans I see the onc and get a zometa iv. A long day, and I want to look my best

MsPharoah

Hello lovely, put-together ladies!!!

I wanted to add that I recently moved across the country, intending to retire. However I was asked to telecommute from my new location and I reluctantly agreed. I've found working from home to be challenging in many ways, but I still "doll up" every day and I make it a point to skype with my colleagues. I never want to be one of those telecommuters who work in their "jammies", go without make up or spend the day with bed head.

I am not going to get younger, but I intend to be "stylin' the whole way.

Love, MsP

Juliecc

I especially worked on looking nice for my plastic surgery appointments. I wanted her to know I cared about my appearance so she would give me the best results possible. Overall I've been eating much better and taking better care of myself.

Anonymous

I always made sure I wore my glasses instead of contacts to appts and that they knew I was a university professor. Psychological research shows that people who wear glasses (even fake ones) are perceived as "smart". I wanted my doctors to know I was not some ignorant passive woman who could be treated paternalistically (both female and male docs). I've been treated like a child by nurses, doctors, and med technicians often through this process, and it sets my teeth on edge.

gemmafromlondon

Hurrah for you ladies±!! There is nothing like making an effort over one's appearance. How can we expect docs, nurses etc. to want to deal with us if we cannot be bothered about ourselves? I am an oldie but make-up is always on - that's how I like to see myself. Keep it up - it really does help with the self esteem. Just because I have bc doesn't mean I have changed in who I am. Good luck to you all.

LRGinger

I had to laugh when I saw this. I was recently diagnosed, and I find myself really stepping up my game, especially on doctor appointment days! I'm going to guess it won't last forever, but it gives me a sense of control right now.

Beatmon

I always dress and put on makeup whenever out...not just for chemo or Dr. Appointment. My face has pretty much disappeared. I have always been pale with blonde eyebrows. ...now nonexistent. So I need to add color or I just look so very pale and no face. A pair of big earrings seems to take others eyes off of my wig and poorly drawn on eyebrows!

Golden01

LOL - I remember the hardest thing on the day of my first surgery (a lumpectomy) was not putting on makeup. I ignored their directions and a least powdered my nose. My mother is 90 (and a BC survivor) and had the Family Practice Doctor she'd been seeing for 40+ years retire this past year. A new and younger Family Doctor has taken over the practice. On a recent visit, as she was about to leave, he asked "Mrs. Johnson, Do you always dress up when you are coming to see your doctor?" (she always does including carefully selected jewelry). She told him that at 90, she considered him one of the most important people in her life and she certainly would dress up for her doctor's appointments! This month, I'll be with her when she goes for regular appointment with her Oncologist. We'll both be looking good.

MsPharoah

Golden, your mother is made of pure grace and I am sure you get that in your DNA too. I'll bet her doctor takes very good care of her and was flattered at the respect she shows him.

Great story!

MsP

DivineMrsM

Golden, whoa, your mom is one class act and right on the money! God blessher, she is one we can all learn from.

rleepac

Part of me wants to put on my flannel pjs and curl up in a ball under the blankets and not even leave the house. But, I know that's not possible or healthy so, I too make sure I am showered, dressed nicely, have 'my face on', and do my very best to not 'look sick'. As a healthcare provider, I don't want to scare my own patients LoL! So, I do my best and in a small way it really does help me feel better. I am due to start chemo in about 2 weeks and I know that it will be even harder (at times) to look good and not let the fatigue and stress show...but I am determined to try!

MsPharoah

Rheepac, Keeping up appearances is definitely challenging during chemo. It took me longer to get ready in the mornings as the treatments progressed. Be kind to yourself and don't rush things. If you want/need a PJ day, take one. I worked during chemo and I didn't share my health issues with colleagues, so getting ready in the morning was critical. That was my choice and I'm glad I made that decision. I didn't have to spend energy telling people how I was doing. LOL

Hugs to you! MsP

Golden01

I often stayed in my pajamas and robe after my surgeries but I bought new pretty ones!

bobogirl

Right on, Golden! I so admire the gorgeous women on this thread. And I try to do my part to get my slap on (I miss you Alesta!). Hi Julie! I did that with my PS too. Professor, I wore my glasses for the same reason.

I confess, though, that my New Year's Resolution was to 'look better in loungewear.' No raggedy pajamas for me!

OMG, Sugar Cakes, the picture on your avatar is beautiful!

Denise-G

I'll never forget this encounter when going through chemotherapy.  My chemo nurse was escorting me back

to the last chemo suite when suddenly the lady in the suite before mine stopped me.  She said, "Are YOU going

through chemo?  You look great!"  I told her I was in my 5th month of chemotherapy.  She was absolutely astounded.

That made me feel so good because I felt so bad!   I always dressed up for chemo wearing colorful clothing and makeup. 

Three years later, that encounter it is still embedded in my memory and still brings me joy!

SugarCakes

Thanks bobogirl! I have played around with wigs and will pick up a new one on Tuesday, but I have also bought about 10 different scarves and turbans in the last two weeks. I'm liking them as much, if not more, than the wigs.

Trvler

I am hoping I don't have to have chemo because I have always looked absolutely AWFUL in wigs.

Meadow

Trvler, I bet you will look great no matter what. And hats and scarves are really fun, I did not mind being bald at all though, I found it to be one less thing to worry about while I was fighting the Beast. Just rock those hats and scarves. I refused to let cancer or the treatment to save my life rob me of my confident spirit. I want that for you too!. Thats not to say I didnt have my moments of course, but loving yourself is healing too, and I bet you really do look good, Hugs to you!

Moderators

What a wonderfully positive topic! All you strong women tackling this as best you can with your head held high, your appearance possibly better than how you may feel, and a positive attitude. You go girls!

Looking great makes you feel great, positivity is as good as a laugh for natural therapy. We hear of BC Support groups running 'make-up' days and organising spa treatment days, which are always so well received and everyone has a ball.

The Mods

bobogirl

Tryvler, splurge on a really soft silk scarf in whatever color you like. You don't have to wear a wig if you don't want to. You will rock it! No one says you have to buy 'bc oriented' scarves. Get one or two you love! Meadow, you are just the cat's pajamas.

Sugar Cakes, I bought a lot of scarves too, for a different reason. I had an MX and then a lot of sx to deal with infection. It was pretty bad. I went into work a week after the MX, totally flat, when before I had DDD breasts! Didn't say anything -- basically just kept my head down and kept working.

I got a lot of pretty scarves to wear -- not to 'hide' my chest, there was no real hiding it, and I am not ashamed of flatness -- but to make me feel good. I really like Eileen Fisher's scarves. She has little videos to show you how to tie them. I would put a video on and practice! I know it sounds silly maybe, but I really had fun fumbling around with those scarves, trying to keep up with the model!

Denise, Ms P, Meadow -- I swear, all of you could be models, you are so gorgeous. Beautiful inside and out! And now I have to get my slap on for another reason -- my mother is driving in from out of town.

Meadow

I love you Bobo!

bobogirl

Love you right back Meadow! Your hair is beautiful!