Wife battling depression

concernedhubbyalan

My DW has Stage II and had a bilateral mastectomy and a TRAM flap reconstruction on Monday. She was fine the first day, but it seems that she is becoming depressed. She refuses to stand, only wants to communicate by nodding, and other weird stuff. 

I alerted the nurse and she will let her medical dr. know. I know she's in pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but if this keeps up, it's going to delay her recovery.

Is this common? Has anyone else dealt with this?

Ariom

Hello concernedhubbyalan, I don't have any answers for you, other than to say that I have seen your posts and have been so pleased to see how supportive you have been for your wife through all this.

I am sorry your wife is possibly showing signs of being depressed, but just thought I would mention that she has just been through a grueling major surgery with extended anesthesia which can play havoc with your emotions. It is very early days for her and she must be feeling petty awful right now. I know that even though I didn't have anywhere near the surgery she has had, it took some time. for me to feel close to normal, after the anesthesia.

All I can suggest, is to let her rest as much as possible and also if you can, get her to drink plenty of water to help flush the drugs from her system. It is a long road to recovery and everyone is different, she will appreciate you being there for support.

All the best to both of you!

Bounce

While it is great that you are there for your wife maybe she just needs some time and space to deal with things in her own time and manner.

Does she have anyone besides you to talk to?

I was not expected to bounce right back to my old self immediately. Healing takes time.

You are there, we aren't - so maybe you are correct and your wife needs "help". Maybe she just needs time to heal and find out for herself who the new her is.

BrooksideVT

She may be having a reaction to her medications. I'm hoping the doc has already been in to check on her and all is well. She's still in the hospital?

concernedhubbyalan

Thanks for the kind words.

She seems to be doing better. I'm fairly certain it was the Diladid (forgive my spelling). She's in her recliner watching her cop dramas as I post.

shelleym1

Alan, I had a lumpectomy which is not as major as a mastectomy. I had a very hard time bouncing back and I am still. I am 35 years old. I expected to be over it in a few days but it has been tough. I am glad to hear she is improving. These meds can make us feel worse.

gemmafromlondon

I think it is a fairly common reaction to such an insult to the body. Immediately after surgery the adrenaline rush can bring about a sort of high that is matched fairly swiftly afterwards by a bad low. I think your wife is just coming to terms with things. The reality is different from the expectation and she will be sad at what has happened to her - as we all are. I know you are taking very tender care of her but she will have to take charge when she is ready to do so. Try not to inquire too often how she is feeling - she is feeling awful and may feel like withdrawing from the outside world for a bit. It will pass.The very best to you both.

concernedhubbyalan

She's doing better today. She's in her recliner watching those corny cop dramas. (yuck-can't stand them. She loves them)

Anyway, she started to do better when they discontinued the Diladid pump. Perhaps I overreacted--I haven't slept a full 8 hour night since she was DXed early last month.

Dogsneverlie

Hi Alan,

Glad to hear she is doing a little better. 

My DH was wonderful as well, every doctor appointment, every surgery, took me to radiation every day.  Our emotions go so crazy going through BC.......DH NEVER minded doing all that he did and was so fabulous BUT, I personally went thru times when I felt like I was a burden to him.  If I ever told him, he would be crushed.  She may be feeling just a little bit of that as well and I think it is normal.  Just keep an eye on her like you have been doing.

concernedhubbyalan

She has our friends, but that's it. Neither

one of us has any family.

That's probably why I'm so overprotective over her. I'm all she has. We're in our 30's, so most of our friends have no real experience in dealing with this. My DW reads BCO,  but is not the social media type.

concernedhubbyalan

I can only imagine. 

It's funny, I'm a veteran who has jumped out of perfectly functional aircraft and yet, I could never see myself going through this something like this with the dignity my DW has.

(Big bad Marine cried-yes, cried-when he had two teeth pulled.)

Bounce

My husband stayed very calm and even keeled throughout my diagnosis and treatment. He was there for me physically and emotionally but he stayed calm even if, and especially if I freaked about anything. This gave me the opportunity to be "weak" when I needed to be. Had he been falling apart left right and center I would have had to try harder and really that would not have been fair to me.

I don't know what the male equivalent of "big girl panties" is, but this is your time to stay calm and avoid catastrophic thinking for your wife's sake.

I think of my husband like a life raft - when I got thrown into the choppy waves of sickness and fear he was an even keel to hold onto. Had he been floundering around in the water with me we might both have drowned.

It is very important for you to look after yourself (eat/sleep/exercise/relax/work etc.) so that you can be strong for your wife's sake.

Good wishes to you both.

concernedhubbyalan

When my zealotry becomes overbearing, she calls me "GI Jane". After that, I'm usually given strict orders to have a beer, go play video games, call a friend, whatever. In short, that's her way of saying "Leave me the he-- alone" politely.