Locker Room Etiquette

Rosep34

Good Morning! I am brand new and this is my first post on here! I just had a mastectomy 10 days ago. I am at home re-cooperating and I have but one question on my mind.... How do I change in the locker room, once I am able to go back to working out? I am an active duty soldier in The United States Army and PT (physical training) is actually part of my job. I can't wait to recover and get back in the fight! But my surgery site looks rather shocking and I guess I am more concerned for those I am sharing the locker room with...when I change and take a shower, will they find it offensive? But I don't feel like I should hide, I have never been the type of person to be ashamed of myself but now I am unsure...any advice out there?

aunt_paula

My thought is that if someone else has a problem with it, they don't have to look. I had BMX, no reconstruction, last January, and what I have found is that people tend to follow my lead; if I'm comfortable, it tends to put them at ease. Do what feels comfortable for you.

mdg

Do what makes you comfortable.....I am 4 years out from a BMX with reconstruction and I still won't change in a locker room.  I am not comfortable.....maybe one day.

208sandy

If you're worried "for" everyone else I say stop worrying - it's not your problem it's theirs. If you are uncomfortable for you that is another situation entirely. I myself have absolutely no "dignity" left - here I was six years ago in my mid 60's with a rad tech who was male - trust me a locker room full of people wouldn't bother me anymore - I spent 33 days with "Eric" - who, btw, was terrific and never made me feel uncomfortable. Sending best wishes for a quick recovery.

daisylover

I had BMX no reconstruction - I change without any concern in front of everyone necessary except my 19 and 20 year old children - I worry about them being sad/scared about the cancer in their mom. Our society works hard at making amputation of an arm or leg a new normal, almost something to be celebrated for courage (I live just outside Boston where there are so many amputees on the news due to the Marathon Bombings) ... I watch the tv show Amazing Race - surfer Bethany Hamilton, who lost an arm in a shark attack, was a final three racer. They showed her stub prominently. I think that changing in the locker room should be no issue. You did not choose cancer. Like other amputees, you are courageously surviving! Thank you for your service!

WinningSoFar

My mom had a mastectomy 50 years ago and I always saw her flat chest. I sure noticed it but it didn't traumatize me. In fact, I was so little affected that I was really surprised when I was diagnosed with BC.

I'd say that a mastectomy scar is just part of life. We all get beaten up as we live our lives? Did we think we'd always be untouched (well, I think I did), but now we face up. All wars leave scars.

TB90

My adult son asked to see my scar, but promptly reminded me to cover up my remaining breast   He is 28 years of age and should be all about breasts.  He thinks that it is super cool to leave my chest and scar as is and also expressed that it would be very liberal to have both breasts removed and then go topless on the beach.  I am sort of stuck between both worlds as I have one of each!  I think that we have to get comfortable with our bodies first as others may be far more comfortable than we are.  We need to walk into the room (bedroom or locker room) like we own it.  Others will simply see our confidence and acceptance and forget about the scar.  But it is a process and for all my brave words, found myself strategically hiding my mx side at the spa a few months back.  I am determined to not hide next time though.  I have a lot to learn from my 28 year old son.  Hugs  

flannelette

Some wonderful comments above. it is none of anyone else's business. I'm a uniboober - if out at a restaurant say, ok, yes, if i have revealing clothing I would wear my MX bra & prosthesis though I hate bras. If in a locker room of women - too bad, they can react however they like. It is not your problem.

glennie19

Hi Rose,  I would suggest that you look for Flat & Fabulous on Facebook.  or www.flatandfabulous.org

One of the founders, Barbie Ritzco, was a Marine. There are photos of her chest post BMX and with her later tattoo. She seemed quite comfortable with her new body.  Sadly she passed away in Sept and was buried in Arlington.

I think that if you are comfortable and at ease, others will be also. People don't hide stumps from amputated arms or legs, so I don't see why we need to hide either. As long as YOU are comfortable. 

Thank you for your service and wishing you all the best in your continued recovery.

glennie

coraleliz

I do surfer style changes. Or sometimes just turn my back. I try to avoid the locker room before or after aqua-arobics. Mostly older women take that class & they'll talk about anything. And say anything to anybody. Not sure what I'd say back.

I think my scars look fine, although I really don't want to shock anyone. Also don't want any sympathy at this point. So I'm less modest following my BMX. If this wasn't an option, I'm sure I could learn to deal with it, just would rather not.

Ariom

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I am much more conscious of my belly and thighs, than I will ever be, about my Umx scar! Like TB and Coraliez, I don't have an issue with my scar, I have actually grown to like it, it is just part of the road map of my life.

Like winningsofar, my Mother was a Uni too and I am sure the way she dealt with it, was what prepared me for this, even though I didn't realize it at the time.

TB your son is wonderful!

Ariom

Roesep, Welcome to BCO, I am sorry, I didn't realize that was your first post! It is totally normal to feel a little unsure, it is very early days for you, just 10 days out from surgery. You will find the scar will change quite a bit, over the next few months, it will get paler and flatter.

I spent a lot of time massaging the scar to prevent adheasions and did the PT stretching exercises 4X a day for many months to prevent any range of motion issues. I also went to a massage therapist who encouraged me to keep massaging my chest as she believed it also helps to familiarize you and get you used to the changes.

As flannelette mentioned, it isn't for you to worry about the reactions of others, if you feel confident, that's all the matters.As TB said, "We have to own it! I haven't encountered any soppy sympathy stuff, more of a calm understanding and some interest.

I wish you all the very best!

Moderators

Rosep34, with such wonderful support and advices above, what else can we say but... welcome to Breastcancer.org! We're sorry that you have to be here for this reason, but glad you found us.

There are a few sections in our main site that you may find interesting also, if you want to take a look:

• Mastectomy: What to Expect
• Telling Your Boss and Co-Workers About Your Breast Cancer Diagnosis

We hope this helps!

The Mods

SweetHope

Rosep, you are a warrior's warrior! Your great attitude already shines through your writing. You will do fine in a locker room and out in the field. Every soldier has scars, either internal or prominent. Your battle is with an enemy that anyone in that locker room may face some day.

Your journey here has just begun. With us you can share your trip, laugh, cry, say inappropriate jokes, or comfort another one of us BC warriors. But back on Base...stand up straight, chin in, chest out!

Gentle hugs.

OncoWarrior

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armamp95

it is interesting that several of you have compared attitudes toward amputated limbs with mastectomy scars. I am an arm amputee (18 years), right Mx (9 years), left Mx (4 months). I am active in the amputee community, and can tell you that the current open display of stumps and prosthetic mechanics is quite new. Even today, some amputees and prosthetists focus primarily on cosmesis and verisimilitude ... but the encouragement and example of peers is contagious. We also can desensitize ourselves and the world around us, one locker room encounter at a time.

Rosep34

Wow everybody! Thank you so, so much for all your words, suggestions and encouragement! I will feel so much better when I get back in the fight! I never thought I would get so many good ideas, thoughts and feelings on here. Thanks everybody from the bottom of my heart!

OncoWarrior

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LilacBlue

I've become a fitness instructor and unless my friend Tina is changing, no way can I. Tina has always given me the courage to deal with it yet, Tina is not around all that often, so I usually leave the gym sweaty. My cobbled reconstructed breast looks fine under clothing yet,the round nipple red scar has a dark reddened sun burst effect since revision in January - very noticeable. Hoping for skin-tone tattooed camouflaging next year. Nearly three years out and I'm still what I consider terribly self conscious. Time takes time and if I'm not patient with myself, who will be? By the way, this thread is helpful and thanks to all of you who have shared.

sandcastle

Rose....This is so new to YOU......After a while you just will not give a Damn!!  Four years for me.....Liz