As it turns out, I kinda like going flat

Mommy2Six

I wasnt sure how the transition from D cup to flat would be, and thought i would probably wear prosthetics. But I've just been going flat the last 3 weeks, enjoying being out of an underwire for the first time in 15 years. I'll probably still get a pair of prosthetics for some of my favorite date night/special occasion dresses that wouldn't work without a little bit of cushion there, but for daily life, I'm going flat.

I'm just hoping that my chest evens out a little soon...its really bumpy all over with one area dented in a little, which makes it hard to wear a lot of things. DH took me on a shopping spree last night to buy a few new tops that will work with my new body. It was discouraging at first to keep handing things back that didn't work, but then i found a few cute tops i could never have worn with large breasts. DH ooohed and ahhhed and made sure i felt pretty. I think I'm really getting used to my new normal.

bobogirl

Mommy2six: You rock! And I love your DH, I want to marry him

Mommy2Six

LOL Yeah he is pretty cool.When we met with the plastic surgeons to hear them out (at the insistence of my surgical oncologist, who was really very concerned that I didn't want reconstruction), the plastic surgeons were both very honest about the rough, rough road that is reconstruction for women in general, and in my specific situation in particular. DH was like, "Soooo I support whatever you decide, it's your body, but IMO you're crazy if you let them talk you into any of this just to have FAKE BOOBS(they dont feed babies, they wont have sensation for 'fun time' etc). You'll look just as great without them. You can just put that stuff in your bra. But if I was a girl, I would totally just burn my bras and just be freeeeeee." LOL...ugh, I love him. I don't know many other 34 yo guys who don't give a dang if their 29 yo wife is breast-free.

(No offense to anyone who had or will have recon...I'm so glad those procedures are available for the women who want to reclaim what cancer took from them. For me, I wanted to get on with my life without another day spent on anything related to breast cancer. We all have our own ways of getting back to normal, and they are all just as valid and courageous!)

Mommy2Six

And actually, he was the one who found the majority of the tops that actually worked last night. He muttered, "How am I finding the only things in this whole store that actually work? I've never felt less masculine in my life...well at least it's for a good cause" lol

AmyQ

Wow, I am very close to having my implants removed due to extreme and ongoing pain, and going flat. It's so great to hear of a success story like yours. I live from pain pill to pain pill and it's almost always at the forefront of my mind, managing or trying to minimize the pain. I have a second opinion scheduled for February 9th so am looking forward to making a final and permanent decision. And what a sweetheart of a husband you have. I think mine is like-minded so going flat will be a non-issue. Again, thanks for sharing your story.

Amy

Momine

Mommy2, give that sweet husband a big kiss from me. Thing is, if you got it going on, you got it going on, tits or no tits

Ariom

Mommy2six, It is wonderful to see how well you have adjusted to your "New Normal" and that you have this wonderful man in your life, who is supporting you and loving you, just as you are. Oh, how I wish there were more stories, like this.

I am a lot older than you, but I have a wonderful man too, who supported me in my decision to have a Umx, no recon. When I was feeling a little apprehensive the day after my surgery, before he had seen my scar, he encouraged me to show it to him. He simply said "Wow, that will heal really well! You don't need 2 boobs to be gorgeous!

I have never looked back and have no issues whatsoever, about my appearance. I actually like my scar, it's simply an addition, to the road map of my life!

I wish you and yours' all the very best, it is early days for you, your chest will go through some changes in the months to come as the healing continues and the swelling subsides. If there are any revisions needing done in the future, they are very doable. Take care and let us know how you are getting on!

Nomatterwhat

I was wondering how you have been doing.  I checked the other board, but you haven't been there.  It is so neat to see how well you and your husband have adjusted to being flat.  I can tell you from experience (since August), it is the best!!!!  I only wear my foobs when I go to work and when I go out in public with family and friends.  Your husband is fantastic, give him hugs from me!!!  Mine said the same thing -- he didn't marry me for my boobs and is just happy I am still upright. 

I am curious -- are you completely flat or do you have dog ears under your arms?  I still have some tissue and dog ears under my arms and my surgeon said one more surgery is necessary since I told the PS that it would be a cold day in H**L before I did reconstruction.  So, back to my surgeon I go in a couple of weeks after I finish radiation. 

Ariom

Nomatterwhat, I had my Dog Ear removed about 14 months after my Mx. It was the best thing I ever did, I am so happy with the result!

badger

hi Mommy2Six, I had BMX no recon nearly five years ago and my DH is a keeper like yours! 

As it turns out, I kinda like going flat, too.  I don't wear prosthetics so got rid of all my bras.  There went that awful layer of back fat.  I wear all the same clothes as before except no tops with bust darts.  (Flat is one thing, empty is another.)  I'm gonna miss Coldwater Creek, their clothes were expensive but fit my new sleek profile really well.

Have you checked out http://breastfree.org ?  It's a non-profit website started by one of the ladies who posts here on BCO.  It was very helpful to me, maybe same for you.  Wishing you all the best! ♥

Nomatterwhat

Ariom, Did your surgeon or your PS remove your dog ear?  How was recovery time?  I really don't want to go through the drains, wraps, no showers or even miss a lot of work to have it done. 

Ariom

Nomatterwhat, it was my Surgeon who did it for me and I managed to convince him to do it in his office with a local anesthetic. He had never done it that way before, in fact he said that most women won't have it done at all, because they don't want more surgery or down time. Having it done this way would not be for everyone, but if you are not squeamish about a small surgery, it took around 45 minutes. The Surgeon and I chatted through the whole thing and he even took pictures for me, on my phone!

The surgery added 7cm or about 3" to my Mx scar and there was no drain. I went out to lunch and shopping straight after it. I had the same instructions and rules as the Mx, no reaching up high, or lifting anything over 10lbs for the first week or two. He did a running stitch, just like the Mx, and steri strips.A Nurse removed all that two weeks after the surgery. I didn't have to miss a shower, it was covered in tegaderm. It was tender for a few days, but not enough for a pain killer. I don't work any more, but I am pretty active, I doubt I would have had to miss any work for this, unless it was a very physical job. Having it done on say a Friday and returning to work on Monday would have worked for me. In saying that, everyone is different, so you would be guided by your Doctor.

For me, it was not only how much I hated the look of it, mine was a big shelf like thing when I was seated, It did stretch out when I was upright, but it woulld sneak up and out of my bra and it also felt like it had a bunch of cut nerves zapping and zinging in there. I actually waited for about 15 months, before I had it done, just to make sure it wasn't going to resolve enough, to put up with it.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, knowing what I know now, I would do it , much earlier, because it was so successful. It has healed and almost disappeared. If you can handle looking at before and after pictures, they are on the site that Badger mentioned, which is run by Erica, one of our really knowledgeable members, who also posts a lot on the living without recon and bra and prosthesis threads.

I hope this has helped, if I have missed anything, just ask.

Mommy2Six

nomatterwhat, I'm not sure yet what i am honestly lol. I'm hoping some of the puffiness of my chest and sides goes down on its own. On the prophylsctic side there is a little puffiness that she said was just a little bit of fluid that should improve on its own. On the cancer side, its still really swollen under my arm and down my side. I kinda wish there was a way to have some of you mx vets analyze pics of my incisions and swelling and tell me what you think. I still have some puffiness left in my former cleavage area, and I'm becoming concerned that she may have intentionally left that there because of a comment she made in passing at my first postop appt. I didn't think much of it at the time and right it would eventually be flatter but I'm starting to worry that she left a little extra skin on purpose because of her persistent skepticism that i would be happy not reconstructed. My incisions are horizontal until they get to the part where cleavage was and then they turn vertical at a 90 degree angle. If she left skin intentionally i will be very upset. I was very clear that i wanted to be as flat as possible.

Ariom

Mommy2six, it isn't unusual to have puffiness and even seromas after this surgery. The underarm where nodes were removed, can stay a bit swollen and tender, for a long time. Hopefully that is what you are experiencing and time will make a difference to the appearance.

When I had my Mx, I told my surgeon that I wanted a really flat, straight scar When I woke, after the surgery, my surgeon was there telling me that he'd done as I asked and it was so straight, he had used a spirit level to check it! In my drugged stupor, I remember saying "Oh wow, Really? and him laughing and saying "No!"

I did end up with a "Dog Ear" and an infection in the incision, which caused a small section to open up, so my perfectly flat straight scar wasn't so perfect, but I didn't blame my surgeon for that Dog Ear and he was very amenable about removing it, if I decided I wanted to do that.

Unfortunately, there have been quite a number of women here, who made the decision to remain flat and their Doctors have simply refused, to accept their decision and have given them a skin sparing Mx,"Just in Case"! I am not saying that is what has been done to you, but it happens. IMO it shows a flaw in the the Doctor! I actually see it as bordering on criminal and if it happened to me, they'd be very sorry, they made that decision, for me.

There is also the growing number of women, who really feel they were coerced into having reconstruction, when really they would have preferred to be flat. These Doctors catch them at a very vulnerable time and for whatever end, but I am assuming financial, has a strong bearing on this, guide them to a decision to undergo the surgery, these women had decided against. I know of more than one woman, in this situation here, who was "glamored" by photos, real or retouched, we will never know, and convinced that they could have the same results, only to be horribly let down by the end result, or to be plagued by infection and pain, post surgery, which requires a deconstruction.

I couldn't be happier for women who know recon is right for them and they have a Doctor who can actually bring that dream to life for them, but for the growing numbers who have done the research or just simply know, that being flat, is what they want, there should never, ever be, any second guessing by a surgeon.

Nomatterwhat

Mommy2six,  I am one of those women who got the "just in case" mastectomies.  I had the lumpectomy first surgery and told my surgeon that since that didn't work to take them off and don't leave anything, but I guess I didn't make myself clear.  She begged me to consider reconstruction since I am only 54 and even had a PS call me with an appointment time.  I kept telling her I was not interested in reconstruction and now I have another surgery to go through to make me completely flat.  I have "booblets" and my prosthetics do not sit right against my chest, so I really have to make sure they are sitting level and not crooked every morning.  That is an embarrassing situation when you are talking to your boss!!!!   

The only thing I can add to Ariom, is that it is my hope that future ladies who have mastectomies, make themselves absolutely, without a doubt, 100% clear to their doctors what they want and make their doctors understand what they want.  And, if their doctors disagree with their decision, find another doctor!!! 

Mommy2Six

Yeah, my surgeon found it very hard to believe that at 29 I would not be horribly traumatized by being "breastless." She literally made me walk her and her residents through my decision four times, before she accepted my answer. I contemplated changing surgeons after she asked me if I was sure I wouldn't be "rejected by my romantic partner," but I did like her, and everyone I talked to said she is the absolute best, and she was very accommodating of my scheduling needs, gave me her cell phone number to call any time, etc. I did meet with two plastic surgeons in the same cancer center as my breast surgeon, and discussed all my options...DH and I joked that we did it because we imagined that's what "reasonable" people did before they made a decision like this, but we both were fairly certain before the consultation that reconstruction would not be something either of us thought of us as important. After we left there, we were 100% sure that I would not be doing reconstruction. The surgeon specifically asked me about if I wanted to be totally flat or have skin left "just in case" and I was crystal clear that I wanted to be as flat as she could get me. She said ok, she would do her best. I know it's not a perfect science, and it's hard to know what I will look like while standing, when I'm flat on the table in the OR. I won't be angry if it's just one of those things, but if she intentionally left skin, I will be very...disappointed. And she will definitely hear about it. The only thing that has me second guessing now is that she made a comment that the inner portions of skin that i had left gave the illusion of cleavage with prosthetics or something like that. She was pulling dressings off at the time, so I was zoned out and only now when that part of my chest doesn't seem to be going down like the other swelling has started to, am I starting to wonder.

I even told her I wanted it to be as flat as possible because i may not wear prosthetics. So if I stay "poochy" and it was intentional...... ay ay ay.
But hopefully it's just too soon to tell. And if not, I guess I can always continue to smooth things out by layering with camis, or even explore a second surgery.

Chloesmom

Mydoctor complied with my wishes for the streamlined 10 year old boy look. I couldn't be happier with the freedom. My husband said the boobs didn't define my femininity, I did! He couldn't be more supportive. I have been wearing the fiberfill foobs partially filled with my post surgical cami to fill out the clothes that I still like but am not bothering 90% of the time. Check out the website Flat and Fabulous. They also have a Facebook private group which has helped me a lot with this choice and clothing ideas

Ariom

As I said before, I don't mean to offend anyone who has had, or is contemplating reconstruction, but when I look at photos of both flat and recon, I am not sure how to describe it, but there is just something very powerful about the flat sisters.

I was very fortunate, in that my Mother had a radical Umx in '94. so I was used to seeing a non reconstructed Uni. It certainly wasn't a stretch for me, to reject recon. My Mother was a very stylish, sophisticated lady, but she handled her Dx and loss of a breast, which happened just 4 months after my Dad passed, with such dignity and grace and a wicked sense of humor.

I think there is a shift and there are more women deciding to take the no recon route, for lots of different reasons. The Doctors are just going to have to catch up and realize that we are perfectly able to make that decision and move forward, without the perceived difficulties, that they are so concerned about.

GG27

I've read this thread with a lot of interest. I did have recon for bilateral BC, I didn't have a choice in BMX. But I did go through 1 1/2 years of being flat & certainly contemplated staying that way. My DH didn't care one way or another, he just wanted me around! What really changed my mind for me was when I was away visiting my dad, several of the women my dad knew commented on my flatness to HIM, not to me!! At the time I was still very burnt from rads so I had no choice but to go flat, I couldn't have worn a bra with anything if I had wanted to. They wanted to know all the details etc....

So I hope that society is more willing to accept those of you who are strong enough to know what you want & are able pull it off. I'm afraid that I wasn't able to brush aside the comments. Though I have no regrets about having the recon at this point, there were times when I questioned my sanity!!

You are an inspiration to me, thank you to all of you for posting. Dee

aunt_paula

My surgeon was concerned too because I'm 44 and I think he couldn't fathom someone's choosing to go breastless at that age. The last thing I said to him before surgery was "Leave nothing. Save nothing." Even then he was hesitant, but did what I asked. I am working on losing weight, and when I am closer to my goal, I will have a scar revision (I have pretty significant adhesions and a dog ear on SNB side), and will get him to remove whatever extra there may be then. My husband was relieved that I didn't want reconstruction; it sounded awful, and he was worried about me having another surgery for that. If I could get back functioning breasts, I'd do it in a heartbeat--I loved my breasts--but for me it would amount to going through a lot of difficulty for the same thing I can get with my prosthetic bra (which I rarely wear). I am so glad it's available for people who want it, it just isn't for me.

Mommy2Six

exactly how we felt! My husband kept saying, "All that for a breast that doesn't DO anything?!" lol

GG27, I'm so sorry you went through that...people can be so unintentionally cruel. I had DOZENS of people make ridiculous comments to me about my choice to not do recon. Literally dozens.

Ariom

I can sort of understand women, who haven't had to make the decision, thinking that they would want to reconstruct, they just don't know any better, but I was gobsmacked when an ex coworker of mine, who had a Umx and recon done, a few years before me, asked me what kind of recon I was having. I told her I had decided not to reconstruct and she spat out "How can you bear to look at yourself?" I told her that my Husband and I, had decided, that recon wasn't for us and that neither of us had any problem looking at me! Needless to say, she's off the Christmas card list! LOL

aunt_paula

GG27, I am so sorry people were so rude! Such a difficult situation in the first place, and it doesn't help having all the unsolicited "help"!

There were some people who didn't understand why I wouldn't reconstruct, but they weren't close people; the people close to me know me well enough to know that I know what I want and they just supported me. The only really stupid thing I can remember is someone saying "oh my gosh--if you have a hysterectomy too, we could just call you Paul!" I was beyond words there.

Ariom, as my (seven-year-old) son would say, the only list that person needed to be on is the naughty list!

coraleliz

GG-' Not sure what kind of recon you had, but implants don't last forever. Perhaps you'll chose not to get them replaced. I've never had anyone comment in a negative way. When women get old(older) they lose their filters & will say anything to anyone. OK maybe not all of them. I make no attempt to hide my flattness. I joke about it.

mommy- After my BMX, I remember my chest looking like my breasts were unplugged. It was raised all around the edges. This did go away. I just don't recall when. Sending you healing thoughts.........

Ariom

Aunt Paula, I can't believe anyone would be that rude, OMG that's so much worse than mine! Your 7 year old, is very wise, the naughty list, is rigtht!

aunt_paula

Isn't it amazing what happens to people's filters sometimes? For a while I wished I'd been able to think of a quick retort, but I think my gaping jaw was actually the best response I could have given; she fumbled around and assured me it was meant in a lighthearted way. (I was tempted to ask her if she was sure about the meaning of "lighthearted" but thought better of it.)

Nomatterwhat

I got a ridiculous comment for you ladies. My mother had a BMX at age 80 (she is now 84) with no reconstruction and when I told her I was having a BMX, she couldn't believe I would not do reconstruction for my husband.  WHAT????  She didn't do chemo, rads or Hormonal Therapy and tried to talk me into not doing them as they are "evil and will poison your body" (as opposed to having cancer?) and with that I have not heard from her since I started chemo on 8/21/14, lucky me!!!  

GG27

At this point in my life if I need to have my implants replaced, I would just do that. Going through having to have a BMX again, which I would have to do, I just wouldn't do it. My implants replacement would be a simple surgery. I had lat flaps done & it was a long process & for me, it turned out to be a good decision. I'm very happy with the result. But I just think it's interesting how in what seems a very short period of time, the tide is turning & women don't feel like they have to hide or worry about what other people think. Again, all of you are an inspiration. Cheers, Dee

badger

Although instructed otherwise, my surgeon also left some tissue along the inner mammary ridges, where the breasts begin.  When he unwrapped me two days after BMX, I asked about it and he said it was swelling.  It was still there the next week when I went to have drains removed.  I asked about it and he said he thought it would help me out so I knew he didn't believe me about going flat.  I could have the booblets removed but onc says the tissue doesn't put me at risk and I'm not up for more surgery so I've come to accept my ghost cleavage. ♥

Chloesmom

A friend had unilateral testicular cancer. I asked DH if he knew they made prosthetic testical fillers. (Not that our friend was getting this done) He said no way would he consider something like that if he were our friend. It didn't make someone more manly. We had a discussion about my choice to be flat and wear foobs or a cami only when the clothes won't drape well. This helped clear the air about his feelings about possible recon so that I could feel more comfortable and further validate my choice.

DiveCat

I am so happy you are feeling comfortable with going flat Mommy2Six! Keep in mind that during surgery it can be difficult to get things totally flat/perfect as the tissues can already be reacting to the trauma. It is not necessarily because your PS was not honoring your choice. You CAN go back for a clean up later, including scar revisions, dog ear removal, etc. Touch ups are available, and often necessary, for both recon and non recon women

I think there are lots of wonderful men out there (your husband one of them it sounds like) and it saddens me that the default is to believe a man - of any age - would not be okay with his life partner not having breasts because of cancer or any other reason. As a disclaimer, I am a little older than you and my BMX was entirely prophylactic and I DID choose reconstruction (and am very fortunate to have had a very smooth/easy recovery, a very good outcome, though I am going for a revision to swap implants, I do have some sensation over surface of most of breasts,and they DO feel like they belong to me, not "fake" though I recognize they are not my original pair!) but my husband was absolutely fine with whatever I chose, and as he told me he loves me, breastless, with natural breasts, or recon breasts. I did consider going flat, but recon just felt right for me, but if I had had many complications I likely would have gone flat and been fine with it. I suspect I may have also chosen differently if my surgery was not entirely prophylactic. It was entirely my choice as it should be for all of us!

Interestingly, unlike some of the experiences noted here, I had no one assume I would get recon, everyone from my BS, nurses,to my family members and friends in the know, to my colleagues in the know, to my husband, asked if I was or wasn't, rather than assume I was. I remember back when my grandmother was diagnosed and recon was NOT an option at all, she was actually lucky that at the time they had just started moving away from Halsted MXs and had a modified radical but had to argue for even that over a Halsted, so I am so glad these days we have choices to recon or not! My grandmother/two great grandmothers (who both had Halsteds) had no choice but to be flat, my mum chose DIEP, I had direct to implants...a lot has changed in only 2-3 decades.