Not sure how to help best friend....

Tara123

Hi to all! My best friend of 25 yrs has stage 3, finished chemo and has date booked for mastectomy. She is afraid, I am afraid and so are her kids (she is 39 yrs old). I live 2 hours away, so I can't be there regularly for her. I think about this everyday and truly am terrified! I guess my question is...other than talking on the phone..what else can I do to make this a bit easier for her and her young family? She is getting a diep flap (sp) and it's a 12 hour surgery. I personally don't like the risks, but I know how much reconstruction means to her. Ugh. More than anything, I just want to take away SOME of her pain! Any advice would be great!!

annika12

I live far away from family and friends !! Ask her if there us anything you can do for her !! I loved getting cards, texts and small gifts from my friends. Knowing there were there IF I needed them helped . Me personally had a hard time with phone calls...... didn't want to talk and talk about cancer all the time. I also liked when my friends talked about normal stuff....dinner, kids , etc. Listen to her....if she wants to talk let her and if not just be you, her friend !!!

BayouBabe

My sis lived far away. She paid for a house cleaner for me for a few weeks. Gave me time to take care of myself and not feel like my family was not being taken care of. This was the best thing anyone did for me. Love my sis with all my heart

SpecialK

Bayou's idea of a housekeeping service is a good one - there is actually a free service for breast cancer patients, here is a link:

http://www.cleaningforareason.org/

Since your friend is having autologous reconstruction, and this is a big surgery requiring a lengthy recovery, she will be less able to do things around the house for a while.  Maybe some gift cards for take out from restaurants?  I have a friend locally who is single and her co-workers got her a meal service during chemo.  Something like that would be good too if there is one near where she lives.  Some of my friends sent button front pajamas, which were great.  Also, maybe something like Netflix or a movie subscription - for both your friend, and her family to watch.  I felt comforted by friends who lived far away (I am a military wife and we have friends all over the country) but who didn't forget and texted me often to say they were thinking of me - that was priceless.  Every 21 days during my chemo visits the texts came rolling in - it was heart warming to know they remembered.  Often it is not the grand gesture, but the continuous small ones, that mean the most.  Wishing your friend the best - she is lucky to have someone like you who really cares!

TwoHobbies

I had a flap surgery and its tough, but many of us have done it. There's pain and difficulty getting around for a while and then fatigue for longer. So if you can pay for a housekeeping service, that would be a help and don't forget landscaping service if she needs it. Gift cards for meals so she doesn't have to cook. If you can make a trip in one time, take her kids somewhere to get them out of the house, take her out to eat if she's up to it at that point or cook her a meal, do laundry for her.

E-mail and texts are great if you sense she doesn't feel up to being on the phone. Ask her how she's doing of course, but I enjoyed normal conversation with my friends because I was already 24/7 breast cancer. If she wants to talk about her experienced, just let her talk. You don't have the knowledge or experience to offer advice, so you are only required to listen and support.

After she's home a couple of days you can watch a movie or TV show "together". You can comment back and forth while you watch. Maybe find a game like words with friends or another that you can play. Those were a great distraction when I was down and out.

Sherrysultenfuss

How about setting up Caregivingapp.com for her? It is a free interactive community care calendar to help connect friends and family and help out wit hings things that need to be done.