Just waiting and cooling down

Hygeia

Hello everyone. I was diagnosed Nov. 6 and have been a pin cushion ever since. I've had mammograms, sonograms, biopsies, MRIs, surgical consult, more ultrasounds and now, two more biopsies. I was so enraged initially--how could my body DO this to me--but I have cooled down considerably, thanks, in great part, to this magnificent website. I have no idea when I will have surgery and am waiting for yet another pathology report. I have ILC, grade II in the right breast and multiple foci and am waiting for info. on the left breast. My "risks" are that I am 65 years old (av. age for ILC is 64.8 yrs), tall, have a night job (oops--messes with the melatonin?) and that's it. Oh, and one more "risk": I was one month away from my 38th birthday when I gave birth to my first and only child--my greatest accomplishment. The BC stage is early, I guess, so I feel I've won the lottery! I've never smoked, am not overweight, don't drink to excess (actually have stopped altogether since diagnosis). So I guess we all have designer diseases tailored to our particular biological make up. I don't feel afraid at the moment, but as if I'm beginning yet another great adventure.

I've always been a loner. I had a disastrous marriage for 17 years to a man much older than me that I now realize was insane. I thought he was eccentric since I had little experience. I turned 40 on a Monday in 1989 and my mother told me that "life begins at 40." Five days later my husband committed suicide, leaving me with a devastated 2 year old son and nothing else. If anything could go wrong, it did but somehow we have made it. My son was diagnosed with acute schizophrenia in 2011 and I had just completed paying off court costs, one hospital bill and an ambulance bill from that time and was beginning a long awaited vacation when I received the BC news while driving home from work on the first morning of my "vacation."

We live in the country, so I needed to pull off the road to digest the news. I was ready to cross a lovely one-way bridge over a rocky stream. Funny what once notices at times, isn't it? When I reached home I told my son. He's very bright but emotionally fragile so I was concerned about how he would take it. He's become my rock. This BC has mobilized me to prepare myself to leave behind as much security and stability for my son as I can manage. Thanks to this wonderful community I feel that there is even a place for me.

Reading about the questions, fears, hopes, and done so with such support and camaraderie is a gift.

Thank you.

Cheers

AmyQ

Wow, welcome! Your post has left me somewhat in shock. What a life you've had and what an amazing outlook. I hope the rest of the news you receive is easier than what you've received so far. You sound like an amazing woman with the strength of Hercules. Good luck to you and please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Welcome, again to a place no one wants to be...but we're happy to have you.

Amy

wambles

Oh My Giddy Aunt!

I have only one thing to say..

You're strength shines through above everything else. It is brighter than any star..

You, Madam.. Have GOT THIS!!!

All my best wishes, you are inspiring

X

Moderators

Hygeia, you don't get depressed, you get enraged! Probably explains why you have coped with your problems so strongly. We are impressed and so glad you found this supportive community to obtain the valuable feedback you need to make the best decisions for YOU, and your son. So glad he has become a great support.

You may find the main site here of interest as www.breastcncer.org does have lots of reliable and easy to understand information including:

Getting your pathology report

Treatment for ILC (which has information on both local and systematic treatment)

Questions to ask your doctor about your diagnosis.

Keep your strength and we wish you the best for your last path report and future treatments.

The Mods

Hygeia

Thank you for your kind words. I have read each of the items you mentioned and downloaded and printed the pathology booklet. I don't have a computer but I can use one at the public library. And since I have a night job (I am here now and it's very quiet), I can log in to learn more each day (night).

As to rage--it has indeed been a motivating force to me. When I was little, my mother called me "Rumplestiltskin" because I ranted and stamped my foot when angry. I gradually learned to channel the anger into tenacity and I don't give up--yet. Actually I do have depression and have struggled with it and anxiety most of my life. Fortunately I found help and the monster is manageable.

Again, many thanks for your helpful words.

Cheers

Hygeia

Thank you, Wambles. I think I need translation. What is a wambles? And what is the meaning of Giddy Aunt? I love your words, so please explain. And hugs to you.

Cheers

Hygeia

Thank you for the welcome, AmyQ. Isn't life a wild trip? I've hit many speed bumps but when I do, I get up, wipe the cinders from my skinned knees and look around and there always seems to be someone on the sidelines with an encouraging word.

My son used 4-letter words and such profanity in his teen years but has stopped now. I find that I am using those words lately and it really doesn't help. Information and moving forward works better for me.

I will try to let all know of my wanderings through this new land. It would be great if BC stood for British Columbia only.

Cheers