New diagnoses, 40, single mom with three kids.

Ewt717

hi, I just woke up at four in the morning wondering if there are any other 40ish single moms out there. Just diagnosed, I have about a month to make decisions on the kind of treatment.

Moderators

Hi Ewt717-

Welcome to our community, we're so glad you found us. We have members from all walks of life, from all over the globe, so you've come to the right place for support in your journey. You may want to check out a couple of forums that might of interest to you: our Singles With Breast Cancer forum is a great place to connect with other single moms with bc, and our Middle Age 40-60ish forum will connect you with other members your age. We also have forums based on specific diagnoses, and treatment options. Hopefully you find the support you need here, we're all thinking of you!

The Mods

looshoo

hello. It's almost 5 am and I'm up. Haha was diagnosed last year the day before thanksgiving. I had a lumpectomy as my surgeon explained the survival rate is similar. That was my case. Ask your doctor.

I'm a single mom with four sons. My two older sons are older and out if the house. I stl have a ten and for year old. I completed 6 rounds of chemo and 33 rad treatments. I had plenty of side effects. Telling the kids and supporting them was important. I bought a journal for my ten year old and me to write notes to each other. I played down being bald so they wouldn't feel weird about it. Bad nights after chemo we did movie night on the couch where we would sit together and watch t . (While I slept in the couch with then)

I know it can feel like you're in a pit you'll never get out of....but you get through it and you'll look back and wonder how you did. shock, anger, feeling sorry for yourself, despair, strength, determination....I went through all of these emotions. Especially fear. But each day gives me hope that it's one more day in my past. I've met women who never had a recurrence and women who've had. I went out in public bald. Women would approach me, hug me and tell me their survivor story. Others would sometimes look away. Some would stare. But I was still me and proud of my fight. The only ones who ever asked me about my hair were other cancer survivors.

bobogirl

Hi ewt. You can do this. I am not quite in all your categories -- I have a wife -- but I was diagnosed at 38, and at that time our children were two and two and a half. I was told to get my affairs together, that it was going to be a rough ride. I remember sitting on the couch during naptime (holding our puppy! That I got before diagnosis!) just numb, not knowing what to do.

I have no recurrence, and the kids are eight and almost nine. You can do this. You can. I'm not going to pelt you with advice, because you won't be able to follow everyone's advice perfectly, that's for sure (and you shouldn't have to try!). But -- one piece of advice. Take care of yourself first. I did not do that. If you don't, you will be sick more (I mean with a cold or flu).

Line up massages through the hospital to help with stress and stiff areas. The PT department has them. Join the gym, if you haven't -- does yours have childcare? -- and go three times a week. Find a good yoga class (they have them at my hospital). And find a good therapist (again, they had them at my hospital).

Make those appointments for yourself as important as doctor's appointments. Oh, and do you have a good blender? Protein smoothies. Have at least two a day if you are not eating much. Find something you love to eat and eat it!

Whoops. I just gave you a ton of advice. I wish I had followed all of it myself. We're right there with you, every step of the way. Your kids (and their journeys through this) are important, of course, and I know you will try your best to make it okay for them. But you're important too. XXX

mdg

I was not single, but I was married and 45 with a 4 year old son almost 4 years ago when I was diagnosed.  I know there are single moms on these boards so hopefully some will post!

Sunflowercat

I'm not a single mom, but was diagnosed with IDC over the summer at age 39 with 3 kiddos (3/6/8) and a husband who travels so much that I am pretty much a single parent. (I know - it's not the same!). You seem like you have a pretty good outlook. It's amazing how empowered you can feel by having answers and treatment plans. Whatever you choose to do, take care of yourself, be open about it with your kiddos and accept all offers of help, especially any in the form of dinners! You can do this. Good luck.

Hutchins3

I am married but my DH is gone often--I know it is not the same but I was young like you. My daughter was 5 when I was diagnosed at 39 last year. I went through a double mastectomy, six rounds of chemo, Herceptin, and reconstruction. The only time I was truly too sick to care for my daughter was the week I had port placed and started my first round of chemo on the same day. Your age will truly help you bounce back. Your are in my thoughts.

Ewt717

thank you all for your replies. I'm worried about work, and caring for kids. I have a lot of family near to help. Mostly worried about time off work, because I'm in the middle of the process of buying a house and I don't have short term disability insurance, just about 15 sick days to use. I delayed playing for the appraisal on the house for about a week, then decided I still needed the house and need to go through with it even though I don't know what my treatment will be yet. I just have to have faith that it will work out and I need to keep going in my life, but I admit, cancer is making me demotivated. I felt that if I didn't get the house , I would lose all motivation to stay positive

Kthielen

ewt, it sounds like you have a lot of help from family...make sure you take it!! A friend of mine set up meals on a website called mealtrain and it was awesome!! I had a lot of fatigue as the weeks went on during chemo so the last thing I wanted to do was cook dinner at the end of the day. I am not single either but have 3 kids(5, 10, 11). I am in AZ too, what area are you in

Ewt717

I'm in Tucson

JJOntario

Just diagnosed on Monday. I am 43 yrs and I know absolutely no one even close to my age that has gone through this. Right now there is more than I don't know vs what I do. My surgery (SNB, wire loc and lumpectomy) are this coming Monday.

Ewt717

how did surgery go? I was diagnosed a month ago but they wanted to do genetic testing before surgery. They did your surgery quickly. What was the her2 status? Do you know anything more after surgery or how long does that take

Babsee02

Ewt-I am in Tucson as well. Although I did my cancer surgery and treatments in California, I am back here. It is great that you have family around to help. Take up their offer for meals, babysitting, etc. I was 43 when i was diagnosed

Babsee02

JJ--how are you doing???