Angry mom's cancer came back

danlias

I am posting this because I’m not sure what to do right now or where to turn. Two year ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and yesterday we just found out it came back. She did everything she wassupposed to do…chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiation, and hormone therapy. All of her test results up until this point were healthy and benign. All her scans have been clean. She went for a checkup and the doctor noticed a bump in her mastectomy scar, biopsied and now we have to start all over again.

Of course I’m scared and fearing the worst but what bothers me the most is how angry I am. I prayed every day, gave thanks for things in advance, said all the positive things I can think of and I now I feel so let down. Why didn’t it work? I am so angry hearing the news this time. I hate that my mom has to go through treatment again. We go see the doctor tomorrow so I’m not sure what will be the new plan but seeing my mom go through chemo and what it did to her, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. She could only handle 3 of the 6 prescribed treatments. She kept ending up in the emergency room until after the third treatment when she spent over a week in the hospital. Chemo almost killed her.

I’m angry that my sister who lives five minutes away from our parents hasn’t gone to see our mother since she got the news yesterday. Even to go be with her for a little while would be something. Here I am thinking all the worst case scenarios of having to quit my job, sell my house and everything I have and move back home to talk care of mom and she can’t drive five minutes!

I’m so angry at the world right now and scared out of my mind. I don’t want to celebrate the upcoming holidays and want everything to stop. My mom doesn’t deserve this, nobody’s loved one does, but right now I can’t get past the anger. I want to scream, throw things and run away. This isn’t my nature.

Thank you for allowing me to get this out. My friends offer support but until you’ve had to deal with this personally, you just don’t fully get it. Unfortunately, you guys know what I'm talking about.

Thanks, Danlias

AmyQ

Danlias,

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I feel the frustration, sadness and anger in your words and wish there was something I could do to take it all away. I am so sorry your dear mother has to endure treatment once again, but who knows, perhaps she can tolerate a new treatment plan better than the last. Regarding your sister, I can't offer excuses for her behavior, but perhaps she has fallen apart because of this news and needs time to compose herself before seeing mom again. Perhaps she's fighting a virus and doesn't want to give it to your mom, I don't know why she's staying away but maybe she has good reason.

I think you will feel much better once a new treatment plan is in place. I think you will find the initial days and weeks of anyone's cancer diagnosis or reoccurrence is made worse due to the unknown. If your mom loves to celebrate the holidays, don't put them on hold...plan, create and enjoy each and every minute of them. None of us ever know how many more we have left, so try try to help your mom make new and cherished memories and remember, she could get right back to dancing with NED soon and for many more holidays. God Speed Danlias.

Amy

danlias

Thank you so much for listening. I think I was so caught off guard by this recurrance. We've had healthy test results the past two years and I thought she would be good. As for my sister, I have decided that I will do everything I can to help my mother regardless of what she does. This anger is very unlike me and I'm glad it's starting to pass.

We saw the breast surgeon today and after the pet scan is done we should have a plan in place. He sounded hopeful and that's all we can ask right now.

AmyQ - thanks for listening and wishing you 100 years of good health and happiness!

pajim

Dear Danlias, of course you are angry!  It's part of grief and this is grieving-type news.  It sounds like the anger is starting to pass, and I wish you peace going forward.

Nothing you or your mother did or did not do caused this.  It is simply bad luck.  That can be really hard for people to accept.

I'm sorry your Mom had difficulties with chemo last time.  Now that you know, maybe they can try something else this time.  Do be sure to remind the doctors of what happened two years ago.

I'm also sorry that your sister has checked out or is so scared herself that she cannot face this as yet.  So scream all you want.  If it will help get the emotions out, go right ahead.  You are entitled to all your feelings.  Don't short yourself.  Your Mom will need to do the same for herself.

Wishing your Mom and you the smoothest treatments possible. . .

Bling

I wanted to let you know how much your post impacted me tonight !!! I posted just now too . I'm terrified of what's happening and so angry . All the exact same emotions as your having .

Moderators

Dear Danlias and Bling, Welcome to you both and we are very sorry to hear that your loved ones are dealing with cancer. You have joined a caring and well informed group of others who can lend support and personal experiences. Please keep us posted. The MOds

Hopeful82014

Dear Danlias & Bling - Just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am that you and your families are going through this. I remember how I felt when my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 30; I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat, if I could have. Going through cancer is rough, but watching someone you love go through it is, I think, even harder.

I wish I could give each of you a hug and promise you it will be o.k. Of course, I can't do either but I will be thinking of you and include your families in my prayers.

Do feel free to come here and vent your fears, anger, bewilderment and, yes, hopes. We are all here for you. ((Hugs)).

danlias

Thank you all for the encouragement and letting me vent. Mom had her scan and we go see the oncologist on Tuesday. Hopefully I will have good news to report but I want you all to know how much this community means to me. Your words mean more than you will ever know. Thank You!