What's wrong with me? I don't want to read!

Andrea623

I love jigsaw puzzles and probably have close to 100 of them that I've collected over the years. I finally finished a 500 piece one that took me about 6 weeks to complete! I swear my concentration is gone.

angelfaith456

I loved to read before taking chemo and bmx surgery..Couldn't concentrate on any reading during chemo treatments..After bmx surgery in Aug, still couldn't concentrate..Now, I can read books for a little bit at a time...I feel better now that I know I am not alone..Thanks Sandra!

blondiex46

Never was  uch of a reader now have 3 here to read n 1 on the way  (library )

Janett2014

I have always loved to read. I'm a teacher though, so I tend to read less during the school year because of time constraints. I always read quite a bit in the summer and on other school breaks. I was so surprised to have little or no interest in reading beginning with my first surgery in March. I had plenty of time to read (7 weeks off in the spring, then 10 weeks of summer break). I just wasn't interested. After a few weeks I could enjoy a magazine, but that was about it. Since then I've had two more surgeries, and my interest in reading is just starting to come back slightly. It has been very surprising to me to feel this way!

wrenn

This was interesting.

http://www.anesthesiaweb.org/dementia.php

lyzzysmom

Wrenn, that article Is very interesting. I had 8 hours of surgery when I was 32 (about 4 hours elapsed, plastic surgery after accident on both head and hand simultaneously). After that operation I spent 10 days in the hospital and another 5 weeks recovering at home then went back to a mentally demanding job. I never noticed any lasting impairment or lack of concentration once I had been back at work a short while. Now nearly 30 years later I had a lumpectomy which I guess was a relatively short surgery but still have this lack of concentration months later that is only just starting to improve a bit. I am thinking age must be a factor as it mentions in the article and maybe all the additional stressors, procedures and ongoing meds that go along with BC delay our ability to recover. Just a thought.

wrenn

Well they do pile it on with this breast cancer business but I agree it might be about age. I used to recover pretty quickly too. I think in the past though my surgeries fixed things (like bad galbladder, swollen neck from thyroid nodules) so when the surgery was finished it was done and the problem was solved. With cancer surgery it's just the beginning so we might come out of anesthetic with a different stress level with thoughts of what's next.

Blessings2011

Total obsessive reader here.... prior to BC dx, I was known to have read a whole book in one day, if I was that into it. To me, it was like watching a movie, since the plot and characters always came alive in my imagination. I also had the ability to remember entire chunks of dialogue or narrative, to the point where I'd never read the same book twice.

But after surgery - that took too much energy and focus. I had plenty of books to read, and one of those pyramid pillows so I wouldn't have to hold the book up.... but I just couldn't concentrate.

I had put together a list of things to get and do before MX, and one of them (that I read somewhere here on BCO) was subscribe to PEOPLE or some other mindless magazine. That was exactly the ticket for me. I could look at bright pictures and blathering stories about celebrities without using my brain.

That was almost three years ago. Right now, I have three big grocery bags of books I got while we were on vacation (we love used bookstores) and I am back to reading as many books as I did before.

I have to go a bit slower, though; I had a Traumatic Brain Injury in June, and I have to concentrate harder on the words sometimes to get the picture into my brain.

clarrn

Add me to the list.

For me, I think it might be stress induced. I have always read multiple books a week since I was 10. But that stopped in university, and I thought it was because of all the mountains of textbooks I read. So when I was done school I thought it would return, but over and over I would buy books and not read them. Once I got comfortable in my fast-paced job my ability to devour books returned. Until BC. It feels like I can't concentrate, and no motivation to even try. I can't even begin to research which hormonal therapy I want to take. I wish my oncologist would just pick one. Grr. I am glad to hear some people say that it comes back. What a lovely escape that will finally be! !

mlb1202

I am only two weeks (today actually) out from my bmx, but have been a bit discouraged that I haven't had the desire to read at all! I LOVE to read, and as a teacher find that during the "vacation weeks" and "summer" it's all I do! I can easily finish a "good" book in 24 hours and tend to "binge" read when I have the time.. Needless to say, I have a STACK of books I was/am "dying" to read during my recuperation period and have yet to pick up one!! I find myself on the computer a bit, and watching tv, dvr and movies. (Less energy required I guess) For me, I feel it's either just an inability to concentrate right now.. or some side effect from medication? I know that sounds weird maybe since the anesthesia is clearly out of my system after 14 days? and I was only on pain meds for first 24 hours. Yet, I still feel cloudy and sort of foggy in the head. Therefore, I haven't had the desire to read a t all which is kinda bumming me out! I'm hoping it doesn't last too much longer! I still have 6 more weeks until I return to work! Hopefully, I will be back at it soon, and be able to put a dent in my "to read" pile before too long! Glad to see I'm not alone!!

Denise-G

Saw this topic - thought I was the only one.  I was a voracious reader before breast cancer.  Now, I can barely read a book.

I can read the internet, I write, I run a business, I write a blog...but to sit down and read a whole book, now, it is very hard for me.   I MISS IT!  I'm 3 years out!  I still go get books from the library that I want to read, but it is impossible for me to concentrate long enough to just get into a book! 

Moonflwr912

Denise it really does get better but it's slow. I still can't ready book a day like I used to. Hugs.

Wren44

I'm 3 years out and it has just recently gotten better.

Moonflwr912

It does seem 3 years is a turning point. But that changes if you've had more trouble during your tx. It could take longer. But just knowing I'm not crazy or imagining this makes a difference! Much love to all.

slv58

This is so interesting, I always thought it was chemo induced. When I was going through chemo I couldn't even concentrate enough to follow a one hour TV show! I was tired but that wasn't it-I couldn't mentally involve myself enough to watch. Reading- forget that! The most I did was keep up with BCO posts a few at a time. After surgery I had to study for a very small exam work related-I don't know how many times I would read something and not remember anything- it was almost frightening. I had to highlight passages-say them out loud and rewrite the important things in a notebook. Thankfully a year and a half later I'm starting to feel like my pre cancer self. I do notice my short term memory is not what it use to be, but I can now enjoy reading again and hopefully this will continue to improve. It amazes me all the SE from surgery and chemo that no one tells you about, or maybe they did and I don't remember! ;-)

Loral

Is it just reading or other things you use to enjoy. It seems it has to do with focusing. I just can't seem to concentrate on any task for too long. Nothing seems relaxing anymore.

shelleym1

I haven't read anything except this forum since surgery. I haven't been able to watch a TV show all the way through either. I think it's because I have so much on our minds now. I have friends that got me some magazines that I usually love but I haven't read those either. Just no interest. I hope it passes.

Moonflwr912

It seems to pass. But i would watch a TV show and even if I did not like it, I had no energy to even change the channel. It is the focus that is missing. Now, three years out I get bursts of energy with creativity, but where I used to spend 2-3 hours a day at my jewelry, now it's about 1-2 times a week. Sigh..... but that is so much better than it was. Hugs

and much love.

MicheTheVanquisher

Hi All. Interesting thread. Glad to know I'm not alone. I just read Henry James' the Ambassadors which I tried to read during chemo and could not follow it. I hardly read anything. I couldn't follow anything but the simplest story. I gave up novels, tried to keep up on cancer research and chemo info. Watched simple movies and TV (I also couldn't follow House of Cards on PBS). Luckily novels have regained their accessibility and appeal. Though I can't remember the name of the book I just finished...

The Paying Guests! that's it. phew!

Miche

Denise-G

Moonflowr912 - thanks for the reassurance!  I'm hoping it comes back soon.  I have 3 library books sitting by me!

(LOVE YOUR JEWELRY BY THE WAY).  

Television during chemo - I could only watch comedies.  I watched every episode of King of Queens.  I still watch it every night.  Somehow, Doug, Carey and Arnold comforted me!  And they still do.

Another weird thing - I used to always criticize people who slept with the television on as I was a quiet, peaceful type.  Once my brain knew I had cancer, I had to sleep with the television on to quiet it.  I still do quite often - very low, but just enough to distract my brain.  It worked better than sleeping pills for me!

Janett2014

It has been a year since my first BC surgery, and I've been enjoying books (finally!) for the last couple of months. I started the Outlander series, and I'm really liking it. For 8 or 9 months though, I could barely get through a magazine.

Moonflwr912

It's incredibly weird all the changes chemo brings. But I'm glad I can read again it still takes me 2 days to read a book though, instead of 2 hours straight through. LOL. But I'm grateful for even that.

Much love and lots of books to all!

farmerlucy

Bumping! This is another favorite of mine. I'm happy to report four years out I'm reading as much as ever!

Sandra - you still out there?

Wren44

Farmer Lucy, She posts on the older women thread.

farmerlucy

thanks Wren!

farmerlucy

bumping

Denise-G

I posted on here before when I was 3 years out from chemo. Although a voracious reader before BC, at 3 years out (see above) I had a very difficult time reading a book! Now I am 4.5 years out, and am happy to report my book reading capabilities have improved greatly. I still stop more than I used to, takes me about 3 days what used to take me about 3 hours! But I'm thankful to be reading again!!

Wren44

Must be something about the 4.5 year mark. I'm there and actually finished the book for my book club.

gracie22

Interesting. I am about a year and a half out of BMX surgery. I did not do chemo/rads. Was previously a voracious book reader, but no more. Web stuff or magazine articles, fine. But my book hunger is gone. Just can't concentrate on it. My concentration at work is definitely an issue; I am fine once I get into a project, but the initial steps are hard--a weird kind of procrastination; I need to allow myself much more time to get things done. I make a lot of email errors (typically omitting minor words) and have to double and triple check anything I write now. If I had done chemo, I would have assumed that I had cognitive damage from it. From the many posts I have read here, it's probably some form of PTSD. I did have a very scary hospital acquired infection post surgery which led to a week in the hospital, several weeks of IV antibiotics and the dismantling of the plastic surgery and implant on one side. I found the hospital to be an inhospitable place; there were some great docs and nurses, but an equal amount of unhappy and just plain mean ones. I really wonder why people who don't like people opt for healthcare as a career. If asked, I always recommend that people have a loved one stay over if the hospital allows after my experience. The thought of being "cared for" by people who make so many errors and seem so miserable in their jobs is pretty stress inducing. I think that we do what we need to do at the time to get through surgery and other treatments, but then the enormity of what happened and what it means for our lives going forward hits us later in many different ways. The "why am I doing worse now than I was during treatment" thread provides a thousand examples of this. On top of this, most of us are somewhere along the menopause spectrum, and that is sometimes blamed for the fogginess as well, though I had been post meno for several years without any such issues prior to all the BC madness, so I don't think that's the primary issue for me. Glad for Wrenn and Denise's updates, and hoping it improves!

farmerlucy

I'm back to reading as much as ever as well. I love my iPad and generally have several library downloads going at once!

I find this thread so interesting.