Sex

kar123

Umm, this is awkward, but I need to say it and here is as good a place as I can think.  I have lost my sex drive at 44.  I mean zilch, nada, zero!!!  I try and make myself get in the mood and just get on with it, but it usually ends up painful and non-romantic (as in hurry up it hurts!).   I love my husband, we are still romantic and cuddly with each other.  I always look forward to being with him, but then when the time to actually do something is there, I would rather go to sleep.  I want a sex drive, but it just is not there.   We've tried erotic stories, movies, toys (only way I can climax now).  It's just so frustrating.  Anyone else in the same boat?

peacestrength

Yes...I've been with my husband for 21 years and always HAD an active love life.  My situation is very similar kar123.  Having my ovaries removed and all the treatments have ended my drive.  

tangandchris

Mine is gone too..it sucks. I don't think about it at all and when dh indicates he's in the mood I feel so put out by it. I wish it wasn't like this!! Once we get going there are times when I can sort of enjoy it, but I'd rather just get it over with. I'm 40 and this just wasn't what I'd thought it would be like.

Spookiesmom

there is/was a thread called I Want my Mojo back.  The ladies there may have some ideas.

Kathleen26

Yep, the side effect of ovary removal that the doctors forgot to mention somehow...yes, removing the ovaries totally killed all sex drive for me.  None of the things that used to work, work anymore.   It would be bad enough dealing with the dried out and shrinking vagina, but the lack of sex drive on top of it makes me no longer interested.   I can climax from a vibrator, but don't care whether I do or whether I don't.   Like you, I wish it were different because I feel the same about my husband as I always did, so it's very hard.

Rachel1

Same here. I seem to need visual aid and that wasn't me at all.  I miss that part of the relationship with my husband.

Rachel

Moderators

Hi everyone-

We wanted to point you in the direction of this thread: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/7/topic/... It's been dormant for a while, but it's long, and there's lots of info there. Also, judging by the response here, maybe it's a good idea to revive it!

The Mods

Lnmarsh

I'm 45,and feel the same way,This is horrible....Romance is still there,but that's it...Talk about feeling empty....

Moderators

Dear Lnmarsh,

Welcome to the community. We are glad that you reached out here. We notice that this particular topic under the Sex Matters Forum has not had much activity these past few months. Perhaps you can take a look at some of the other topics in the Forum found here for more recent discussions on this topic and there are many. You also may want to check out the links to the Sex Matters Monthly Column for more information.Let us know if we can assist you with connecting to others who share these important issues. Keep us posted. The MOds

phoenix68

My husband and I had been married for 3 years when I was diagnosed. Besides the lack of sex drive, breast cancer, Arimidex, and my general mood has pretty much destroyed our marriage. We are still together, but very unhappy. He has indicated that if I were attracted to him I would still want to have sex more often. He doesn't understand, nor does he seem to be be just happy that I am alive. I had previously gone through menopause about a year after we were married which also affected my sex drive, then cancer on top of that. Most of the time I can't have an orgasm. It always hurts. I wish love could exist without sex having to be a part of it, because that part of me is broken. As long as I am Arimidex, and possibly even after, sex is not going to be part of my life. Your alive, but not really. It's depressing. So far there haven't been any real solutions. The Dr. just says, "Really, no libido at all?" As if it's some kind of surprise to him, which baffles me. We have tried role playing which helps, but when you know you won't have an orgasm, and that it will be painful, it is hard to get excited about sex in any form. No pun intended. LOL

Moderators

Hi phoenix68, welcome to Breastcance.org! We're sorry for what you're going through, but glad you've found us. We hope you'll find answers and support you're seeking in this wonderful community!

This thread hasn't been active since June. If you want you can start your own topic to share your particular situation and find feedback from other members who can help. Under this same forum should be fine. Let us know if you need help with this. Also, you may want to read through the pages of the section Sex and Intimacy, from the main Breastcancer.org site. Hope this helps!

Best wishes,

The Mods

LM070917

Aww, i feel the same way. Its brutal to have breast cancer, then surgery, chemo, radiation and now sexual problems.

I'm 35 years old, married, no kids and sex is extremely painful for me. I have tried the vaginal moisturisers (Replens etc), but none seem to sort out the tightness problem and now i'm really anxious every time we try to do it. Please don't tell me that every women who has ever had ER + breast cancer, doesnt and cant have sex. Its ridiculous and totally depressing. I'm meeting with a gyn in two weeks and seriously hope they have some solutions, here's hoping...

placid44

Mine is gone and I'm triple negative, age 48, diagnosed at 44. It's from the chemo-induced menopause, which appears to be permanent.I'm single. Hate it.

brandford37

I love my fiance so much love having sex with him hopefully that don't have to change. He's younger than me and if he wanna have sex and I don't he's going to get it from someone else and I don't want that to happen. So I'm hoping I don't have to do Chemo I'm doing Lumpectomy surgery next Tuesday April 12th