Your so lucky you don't have to work etc

resigned

I'm really tired of everyone telling me how lucky i am. My family paid for my house and my car after my divorce and their supporting me. So yes I don't have to work during treatment. I know that's a good thing but I don't need everone telling me how lucky i am that I don't have to work, that my ex has my kid half the time and offered to do more, that I don't have a husband or pets to take care of etc etc. the fact is I'm alone and some days the fact that my cancer hasn't spread hits me and I'm glad but  most of the time I'm depressed and angry.

Akevia

I'm sorry but you are very lucky. I have to go to work sick sometimes and almost got fired. So sorry if others realize how lucky you are. If you don't want anyone to know then don't tell anyone. If they ask tell them you are okay and it's no need to explain to no one about your financial situation. 

resigned

I'm sorry about your situation. I do know that i'm lucky that I don't have to work but I'm just tired of hearing it. It's like I want to scream I have Cancer people I am not lucky!!!!

exbrnxgrl

Having cancer is not the lucky part that people are referring to. Not having the financial worries, housing worries, child care worries, putting food on the table worries, working when you feel like shit worries etc, is the lucky part. You are lucky in that you can focus on taking care of yourself, a luxury that many don't have. Many would be very grateful to be in your position. 

Caryn

NineTwelve

People really do say insensitive things. Not just to sick people, but to anyone who is in a position that they have trouble relating to. I almost wish we were back in the Victorian era sometimes, when there was a proper response to everything, and it may have been rote, but it was at least polite, and left the sufferer with some dignity and maybe even comfort.

I'm sorry you have cancer, naturalhealing. It is a lot to deal with. It sucks, and things will never be the same from now on. But things can be good, and even when they're not, sometimes they're funny.

You might check out the Sh*t People Say to Metastatic BC Patients thread. I just bumped it because of something someone wrote to me. It's not just you, we have all had some dumb things said to us.

Take care.

 

 

leggo

Your post kind of jarred me, but I can't unread it so, how can you NOT feel lucky? You don't have to worry about finances, you have the support of your parents and ex, and most important of all, you have a healthy child. Millions get cancer, including children, who are far worse off. The "grateful" should seriously outweigh the "anger" here. If there's something more egregious going on in your life that you didn't mention in your post, then I apologize.

Maureen813

Natural healing. It's so difficult to focus on the blessings in your life when you deal with cancer. It sounds like you have financial support but lack the emotional support that  is critical during this difficult time. Depression will not allow you to focus on your blessings so I'm sure it's irritating when people point out all the good things in your life. Perhaps a good counselor can get you on the right track with or without medication 

Best of luck to you 

Maureen

labelle

I don't think any of us dealing with BC are especially lucky. Personally, I believe working is about all that is keeping me sane at this point! I dread the thought of treatments that will keep me from working. Work can be a good thing-keeps my mind off of stuff so I don't get TOO depressed or angry (or anxious in my case). Maybe you need to talk to a pro about this or maybe, if you are feeling up to it, find something to keep you busy. For me it is work, for you it could be anything( volunteering, classes, etc.), but I think being busy does help.  

resigned

I agree that staying busy is important. I plan to meet with my holistic doctors and continue exercising. I run 5 miles a day and go to spin and yoga classes 4-5 times a week. Everyone keeps telling me that I wont' be able to do that anymore but I'll be damned if I'm not going to try!

CarpeVinum

So why aren't you working? Just because your parents are supporting you doesn't mean you shouldn't work. Or maybe take some college courses. It's good for you.You meet people, it gives you a feeling of accomplishment, you learn to take care of yourself, you feel empowered. Were you just recently diagnosed and are waiting to start treatment? I think the people that tell you how lucky you are aren't referring to your health, but your situation ~ you can devote all of your time and energy to kicking your cancer to the curb. You are indeed very lucky in that respect. I think you are grateful for what you do have but you are taking those peoples' comments the wrong way. Five miles a DAY? Girl I'm lucky if I can make it down the stairs without wincing from my joint pain lol.

Also ~ who is EVERYBODY that tells you that you won't be able to continue running and doing yoga?? Are they cancer patients? If not, tell them to **** off ~ you can do anything you put your mind to. Maybe not 5 miles, but you will be surprised at how strong you can be through treatment. Don't let my joint pain comment scare you haha......

MerrellGirl

Naturalhealing, I hear u.  Sounds like u feel alone.  Many of us feel alone, no matter what our circumstance.  Keep coming here to see just how much company u really do have..  

Sorry if some replies here have seemed less than sensitive to ur initial post.  We all need to support each other, even when we're short on empathy for another's particular situation. This road is tough on all of us. 

Please try to do things to keep ur mind occupied. Mind numbing tv, a decent romance novel, knitting or some other activity to give ur mind a break.  And if u haven't done so already, start thanking all those who r supporting u - I mean sincerely thanking them for their love and support.  Gratitude has a way of lifting the spirit too.

Cyberhugs to u and the others here. 

resigned

Thanks for the nice reply. I don't mind when people are honest, thats how I am. I don't think I explained myself very well, I know that I'm lucky that i don't have to work but I'm just sick of every body telling me that. It's like I'm not allowed to talk about how pissed I am. I'm a very active person and I've led a perfectly healthy life for my 50 plus years on this planet and right now I'm just really pissed that every body keep talking about the silver lining and all that when the fact is I am the last person who should have cancer. No one in my family has it, I have never smoked, I don't drink, I never took the pill or any other medication (I don't even take advil!), I run every day and work out 4-5 times a week, I've run marathons and triathlons my whole life, I eat a raw food diet and have for almost 20 years, i don't eat sugar, I take supplements every day. See what i mean? so when people in my life say "your so lucky that you don't have to work or your so lucky it didn't metastize or your so lucky your finally went in for your first mammogram" all I hear is judgement. 

wrenn

"I am the last person who should have cancer". That statement might be your problem. You have it whether you should or not. 

Not having to work doesn't make sense to me. You might not need financial help from a paid job but work is what gives many people purpose so they don't have time to collect offences. We all have moments of self pity and rage but you are making yourself miserable by giving time and energy to what people are saying to you and it is judgy (which you claim to hate). :-)

Akevia

I'm sorry natural healing but why can't you get cancer because you feel like you done everything right? Cancer knows no one and why not you? We can't go around thinking why us because you will always be angry and  will not be able to move on from this. Why do kids get cancer? We will never know but we have to play the hand we were dealt. Yes, it may seem like you have done everything right but I never heard if you do those thing you will never get cancer maybe lower your changes. I know it's upsetting but it's not going to change. So the people who isn't as healthy and took birth control and didn't eat raw foods for 20 years and no sugar deserves cancer ? I do you get judgement from people telling you your lucky . Maybe you need to talk to a counselor , well I think we all do. Anyone that has cancer should. 

ruthbru

People say all sorts of things which can be annoying. It helps to look beyond the words and think of their intent. I cringe when I think of some of the things I said to people before I was diagnosed....all were well meant, but probably insensitive (I feel even worse about the times I didn't say anything though). When you are diagnosed with a life threatening disease, it is perfectly normal to feel denial & anger. They are two of the stages of grief.  But if you find you get stuck there, you should seek help in moving on....because, 'fair' or not, it is what it is. You alone will decide what you are going to make out of it.

TB90

naturalhealing:  What may be happening for you is that due to your anger at being dx with bc (and I completely understand feeling angry), you are presenting as overwhelmed and overwrought by your situation.  Those people in your life are probably just trying to point out the positives in your life in an attempt to help you.  If you approach this with less anger and talk to others instead about your feelings of fear, loss etc. then they may be able to be there more on an emotional level for you.  A counselor can help you to get in touch with your feelings behind this anger and although this may be painful, you may find that others around you will start to respond and become more supportive.  Good luck through such a difficult time.

Moonflwr912

Well i didn't work during my chemo. I ended up hospitalized 2 x..Once with renal failure.  I was fired from my job when I couldn't go back after my FMLA was over. I never felt lucky either!  

Note to all - we feel the way we feel. Some days we get pretty down and ask for support.  Some days we are other people's support. That is the way it's supposed to work.

Much love to all

MerrellGirl

Hey resigned, I bet u r pissed!  I was, and probably many of us have been pissed about our dx at some point.  I hope that u move on from that emotion soon though - don't hang out with it for much longer...it is destructive thinking.  

Question: do u feel guilty at all about having what others might deem to b a "charmed" life yet u don't feel lucky? Guilt is another time waster; don't indulge.  

To the next "lucky" comment u receive, paste on half of a smile and say "i'm sure it may look that way to u, but many a day I feel quite unlucky actually."  Hopefully the commenter will get it...

I found a useful post here a while ago to an LA Times article on how not to say the wrong thing to someone who is going thru a hard time.  Google "Silk Ring Theory" if ur interested.  It helped me understand others' seemingly insensitive comments and find ways to respond.

Hugs to u.  

Nash54

Hi Resigned....I totally get it.  I'd give up all those "lucky" things NOT to have BC.  

People really don't know what to say so they are looking for the "silver lining".  Luckily I have a few people I can be totally honest with and they know how much this sucks for me.

I am still trying to come to terms with my BC and accept it.  I tired to do everything right but got it anyway.  Others have it worse than me, but for me my diagnosis is devastating.  At times I am angry or anxious but I am dealing with it.  It helps me to hear others are feeling the same.  I am giving myself grace while I figure all this out.

There are no wrong feelings...they just are.

FeDragonfly

resigned, I get what your saying. I would give the cancer back and work again and pay my own bills and do my own housework, etc., etc..... I don't even know if I truly have cancer yet but I did want you to know that there is someone and I'm sure many more that get what your trying to say. I agree with someone else on here too.... Try not to give these ppl the time of day. Ppl that love nothing better than to gossip will find something to gossip about. These type ppl will suck u dry. Stay away from all that negativity! Hang in there hugs to you.