"What not to say to a cancer patient"

finallyoverit

I bet we can add to this list ladies...

http://www.today.com/health/what-say-not-say-canc...

Let
them know you care

You can't keep reassuring them that "everything will be OK" — but you
can assure them you will go through this process together.

Be
as normal as possible Try
to include the person in as many plans you can and alter the plans if he or she
can't join you. Don't be afraid to give a hug, foot
massage or a manicure, if that's natural and part of your friendship.

Video:
Several
cancer survivors tell TODAY how friends, family and community therapy groups
have helped them through both chemotherapy and the challenges of everyday life.

Be open-minded Many people often say "congratulations" after the person finished
chemotherapy, but it may not always be a good thing. Instead of saying
"let's celebrate," ask, "how do you feel now that chemo is
over?"

Be
careful with stock phrases. There
are certain stock
phrases that people seem to say in tough times, such as "everything
happens for a reason."



This is generally not a great response when
someone is diagnosed with cancer. People may feel this way after they go
through it, but let them come to their own conclusions.



Offer your opinion, only when they ask This isn't about you. You can listen without always feeling that you need
to respond. Don't relay terrible stories about people with cancer who have
died.

Don't
be judgmental about therapy

Even if you don't agree with a treatment
plan, be supportive anyway.

Relate
your own experiences to themIf
something was helpful in your own personal experience, it's OK to share
it. You can say: "There's a bunch of us who love to cook. When I was sick,
that was really helpful for me. Would that be helpful for you?"

Listen

If in doubt whether to listen or share your thoughts, ask the person!

You
could say, "I have some thoughts about this, do you want to hear them? Is
this a good time? Maybe I can write them down and you can read about them
another time."

Offer
practical helpSay,
"let me know what I can do to help"
and offer the person practical errands you can do. Try to schedule them.

• Watching child
  or children one afternoon
• Hiring
  someone to clean the house
• Driving to
  their next appointment

Respect
privacy. Don't
talk about a friend or loved one's cancer unless given the OK. Cancer is NOT
all there is to someone.

And
keep calling

Stay in touch, because a cancer illness
can last a long time. Send cards/notes/emails regularly, to let that person know
you're thinking of him or her.

Not
many words are needed, but rather the knowledge
there are people who care and are thinking of you. Keep asking to do something,
or just do it.

Jelson

this is heartening and depressing at the same time - a power point by an oncologist to his/her fellow oncologists on what not to say to patients.  this validates our reactions when medical professionals say things like this to us - it is not that we are too sensitive, it is that they are wrong and we should call them out on it. 

http://www.cancernetwork.com/blog/seven-statements-oncologists-should-never-say-their-patients?GUID=C93A6A96-7B4F-490B-9322-750123B24528&XGUID=&rememberme=1&ts=18102014

glennie19

Jelson, that was really good.  Hope you don't mind, I made it linkable below.

http://www.cancernetwork.com/blog/seven-statements-oncologists-should-never-say-their-patients?GUID=C93A6A96-7B4F-490B-9322-750123B24528&XGUID=&rememberme=1&ts=18102014

 

 

Lily55

excellent and so true, i had some of those spoken to me and the Oncologist who received my MRI which gave me a BIRADS 5 said " see, told you so" can you imagine! Totally lacking in compassion