I don't want anyone to know

resigned

I guess I should call this I don't want certain people to act like they know. I just don't think it's anyone's business unless I've told them specifically that I want there opinion or advice. I haven't told many people. I dread when my hair falls out because then people will know. I'm the healthiest person i know and it's insane that this is happening to me, of all people. My parents and my brother all question my decision to spend the last four months figuring out my treatment. They think my homeopathic doctors are quacks. My fiance has gone to some of my appointments with me but he's been distant and doesn't want to talk about it. The few friends I've told are a mixed bag. Some understand my holistic medecine and some don't. My ex husband has been supportive and his wife has sent me a few gifts, they're nice and all but it still bugs me. I wish she'd leave me alone, it's none of her business, I don't want reminders of her in my apartment. Actually I wish every body but my fiance would just leave me alone so I can deal with this in my own way. I hate that breast cancer pink is everywhere this month. 

Meow13

Think about using cold cap if you choose chemo. Good luck to you.

ruthbru

Get a wig picked out and ordered before you lose your hair. Go to a place that specializes in that sort of thing and they can help you match the color & style to your own hair. Mine was so 'me' that nobody knew unless I told them. (In fact, a friend who knew I was doing chemo, but whom I hadn't seen for awhile, commented when we got together, "Well, at least you didn't lose your hair." Even she couldn't tell that it was a wig!) Do the American Cancer Society 'Look Good, Feel Better' program. It is free, go online or ask your clinic about dates etc. They tell you really good makeup tips to use during treatment & give you tons of high quality makeup.

finallyoverit

It's totally up to you.  I went through 3 surgeries, 4 chemo treatments, and 28 radiation treatments - all with only about 5 people knowing.  It can be done.  Yes, my hair fell out after I started chemo, but I had a good wig and no one was the wiser.  My diagnosis and treatment were 3 years ago now and only 1 of my coworkers (who is a friend rather than a coworker) is still the only one that knows.  My point is - through this part of your life (especially going through something like this) you have to do what feels right TO YOU.  Screw anyone else.  This is your fight and you have to do it on your terms.  Looking back, keeping my diagnosis and treatment private was one of the smartest decisions I made for myself.  It allowed me to be "me" at work and around my friends than "me with breast cancer".  I know people mean well - but I know myself.  I could not have handled the looks of pity or the unsolicited casseroles that may have shown up at my door.  As far as treatment - F anyone who doesn't understand or agree.  This is your life - your body - your choice!  Period.    I wish you all the best... and yes, I still abhor pink and you know what... that's ok. 

resigned

Thanks for all the info but I don't wear makeup and I already picked out a wig. It's long and thick and much prettier than my own hair! I didn't know there were options like that. I wish I'd know. I can't afford to get another one. I'll look at the site you mentioned, thank you.

resigned

That's how I feel thank you! I don't need the pity from anyone especially my ex husband's wife. It really bugs me. I know i have much bigger things to think about right now. 

ruthbru

You can bring your wig to a stylist & have them trim it up if you decide it needs some tweaks. The Look Good, Feel Better program also gives tips on how to wear the wigs, scarves, good moisturizers etc. and may be helpful even if you aren't into the makeup part. (And you might decide you want to add a little subtle makeup during treatment if you start to look 'blah'.)

I actually did tell the people in my life (which was right for me), but I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me or focus on cancer. I tried to keep my life as normal as possible, and looking 'normal' was a big part of that for me. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle this. Everybody has to find what works best for them.

resigned

Am I being obnoxiously petty that I'm annoyed that my ex's wife has given me gifts? I don't think it's any of her business. She should just leave me alone. 

ruthbru

 I always thought it was worse when someone DID know & totally ignored the situation. I would give her the benefit of the doubt on this one.

finallyoverit

Personally, I would be annoyed with the gifts, but that's me.  We all have to do what feels right to us.. for me, having anyone know that didn't have a NEED to know, was out of the question.  I didn't want a ribbon, accolades, gifts,  or a pat on the back.  I just wanted to get through treatment and get on with my life.  No offense to anyone who chooses a different path or to deck themselves out in pink.. more power to you.. that's just not me.  I also didn't want breast cancer to be the first (or second, or third for that matter) thing that people thought of when they saw me.  I am much more than this f'ing disease that I had to deal with. 

ppplocke

my favorite month of the year used to be october  in texas october is the month you get cool breezes but can still wear your shorts much of the day.  but we get  a tiny glimpse of a fall.  fleeting as it may be.  now...after breast cancer, i HATE october.  i hate the pink, i hate the pity i get at our local HEB who, very generously, donates stuff all month long to breast cancer awareness...but i feel like i am a walking banner for bc and all it entails.  when all i want, after four years and one month, is to be a normal human being!  does not look like that is in my future...

Countryroads

I don't want anyone to know either. But we live in a town the size of a pea. My husband is already driving me crazy. I appreciate the "we will get through this together". But I feel as though I'm the one that has to get through it. I just need him to be there when I want him to be. Not smother me over it. His questions are non stop. I don't have the answers. He wants to look at it. I don't want ANYONE to look at it. It's hard enough with all the doctors and nurses. Can't he just knock it off!

Is this normal?

Tobycc

I have had two taxotere/ cytoxen treatments. I had a wig styled also. Warned my staff I was going to a new look. Only two of my staff of 27 know. I am the CEO of a non profit. My exec committee of my board knows.

I have great support from family....kids in college and DH. And friends from church. Some people need to be public. I don't

I get it country road...I always start my sentence with I feel, so it doesn't sound like I don't appreciate him. It gets better. Mine was at me all the time in the beginning. Then I would say, I really feel like I need a break from talking about it, your checking on me is great, but if I need something I will ask

I feel this is my personal journey