Can't sleep...1:45am. Sigh...

Lori1967

I wish I could turn my brain off!

I had my lady neulasta shot today, next chemo is Sept 23rd.

I keep remembering the last Doc visit. He mentioned that there were two little spots on my lungs. Most probably nothing to worry about, many people have them .

I can't stop thinking about them, worrying if they are something and if they are growing.

You see, a little over two years ago my brother was diagnosed with sarcoma. He had a couple little spots on his lungs....it wasn't the sarcoma that took him from us last month, it was those spots on his Lungs. They grew and spread, stealing his breath and finally his life. 

So now here I am trying to get tired enough to go to bed...

Anonymous

I'm stage I, not stage II, but I couldn't resist posting a bit of encouragement for you on this forum because I'm so frequently up at 1:45am (and 2:45am,and 3:45am, etc.).  I just have sleep problems in general. One of the things my brother told me was that he had a friend, a brilliant man, who finally "lost his marbles" near the end of his life because he simply could not turn his mind off.  I have that problem, and you say you do too.  When we lie down and the day winds to an end, there is nothing to do an no one to talk to, and no distraction to keep our minds off the "what ifs." Those are dangerous musings.  Sleep is so, so, so important.  And I don't think I slept more than, on a good night, 6 hours during the entire 18 years I raised my child alone. I paid for it in health problems.  I worry that the Internet is one reason so many of us suffer from these distracting "what ifs."

I too had three tiny nodules discovered in May.  I was referred to a pulmonologist and finally got an appointment in August.  And, while trying to research online so I could understand the appointment (for example, my nodules are not calcified and that is a good thing for breast findings but it's not the optimum for lungs), don't you know I found an image on that darn internet that looked, I swear, exactly like my images, and it turned out to be mets from cancer somewhere else. It actually had three nodules, in the exact same places as mine, two rounded near the pleura and a more triangular shaped larger one, and all similarly sized as mine (I had my films so I looked at them myself and found the spots based on the report that was included). It was quite a bizarre coincidence. I tried not to worry, and I didn't much, but it was still always in the back of my mind. 

Honestly, the appointment was silly to have even paid for (other than to set my mind at ease, which was priceless).  He did say we should probably watch for growth (another CT) at some time in the future (6-12 months), but he did nothing else and had zero concerns.  I don't know if he even looked at the copy of the images, possibly just read the report (since he's not a radiologist, after all).  He said, if any random ten people were grabbed off the street and given a scan, five would have nodules and most of those would be nothing to worry about.  Despite my light to moderate cough and severe shortness of breath, he did no other tests (he said we could do function tests, but didn't think they were necessary).

Bottom line - it's easy to say but difficult to do - try not to worry until there is actually something to worry about - that's a recipe for causing an illness just from worry. Me?  I'm hanging in until November for another scan with truly zero worries now.

Best to ya. Stay true to your course until you're knocked off.

SaturnRing

I have one solitary lung nodule of 3mm size which they discovered during the initial staging. We did a scan 6 months into the treatment and again 1 yr after the treatment and they remain unchanged. Lung nodules apparently are very very common.

It is just those steroids doing a trick on you and keeping you from falling asleep and obviously the recent happenings is tuning your mind to think in a negative way.

Hoping yours turns out to be a good story like mine and the lung nodules are nothing to worry about

momand2kids

More putting your mind at ease.  I had a lung ct in the spring because I was coughing all winter--- the incidental findings included nodules on thyroid and lung.  I was more worried about the lung (it was 7mm).... dealt with thyroid-then had to have a follow up on lung in August.

It had not grown and he was pretty convinced that it was a benign infection.  He told me that they did a study of people who had smoked for over 30 years, then quit.  Of the people who had lung nodules (and it was a high number), 95% of their nodules were benign..... this is apparently an incredibly common thing that we just don't know about. They told me they almost never see nodules unless we are being tested for something else--which is what happened to me.....

So, I know it is anxiety provoking--I was pretty over the top on this thing until I saw him in August.  The protocol is to follow you for 2 years then at that point they release you.... but he told me flat out that it was nothing--- and I believe him...... 

good luck

momand2kids

More putting your mind at ease.  I had a lung ct in the spring because I was coughing all winter--- the incidental findings included nodules on thyroid and lung.  I was more worried about the lung (it was 7mm).... dealt with thyroid-then had to have a follow up on lung in August.

It had not grown and he was pretty convinced that it was a benign infection.  He told me that they did a study of people who had smoked for over 30 years, then quit.  Of the people who had lung nodules (and it was a high number), 95% of their nodules were benign..... this is apparently an incredibly common thing that we just don't know about. They told me they almost never see nodules unless we are being tested for something else--which is what happened to me.....

So, I know it is anxiety provoking--I was pretty over the top on this thing until I saw him in August.  The protocol is to follow you for 2 years then at that point they release you.... but he told me flat out that it was nothing--- and I believe him...... 

good luck

Lori1967

Thanks Ladies... I was still up most of the night but your words helped to ease my fears.

Having my brother just pass after going through this makes it worse I know. If the Dr had mentioned these spots and my brother was perfectly healthy I probably wouldn't be so focused on it.

I will ask my Dr what his plans are for keeping an eye on my lungs ..

aviva5675

zzzquil. and melatonin. sleep

Nancy2581

I too have 3 lung nodules and my MO, radiologist and regular physician are not concerned.  Mine are less than 5 mm and even though nobody seems to be worried about them I still am from time to time. Mine were found on a pet/ct scan. I understand your fears completely.  I wish the little boogers never showed up.

Hang in there

Nancy

Hopeful82014

I have 2 nodules on one lung and we'll re-scan in 3 months. Probably nothing but since I do have one malignant lymph node, I'm a bit concerned. The fact that my mother died very young of lung cancer doesn't help, either, of course. 

Times like this are why God gave us Ativan, in my opinion. Lori, my sympathy on losing your brother. I'm so sorry.

msphil

hey sweetie, my doc prescibed meds for sleep my brain would not turn off either, as most of us went thru it too, talk to docs you need sleep.msphil(idc,stage2, 0/3 nodes, L mast, chemo and rads and 5 yrs on tamoxifen)

shoppygirl

lori

I too have a lung nodule, 6mm and it has caused me to lose a lot if sleep in the past. It is now  almost 2 years and three scans later and it is unchanged. I know it is hard but these types if incidental findings are very common even in people who have never had cancer. Once you have gone through a couple of scans, you will feel better. 

Hugs. 

Hopeful82014

Lori, hope your chemo went o.k. It's one more you can check off your list. 

As long as those nodes stay unchanged over a couple of scans you can chalk it up to just the way you are, but of course you're sensitive now due  to your brother's sad situation.  Just remember - your situation is YOUR situation, not your brother's. At the same time, it wouldn't hurt for you to make sure your MO (or whomever) clearly understands just why this is so worrisome to you in particular. 

Take care of yourself.