Wondering what support to give

shoppygirl

Last year when I was dx with bc, the mom of one of my sons school friend was also dx. We both chose different paths, I did a very aggressive treatment plan and she decided to only have a lumpectomy and nothing else, even though she was stage 2 and had a grade 3 tumor and lymph node involvement. She chose to go the alternative route. I remember feeling worried for her at this decision but I respected her decision. I have not spoken to her since last May. Tonight at meet the teacher I saw her husband and he said she is very sick. She has fluid in the lungs, is on oxygen and is bed ridden. Her DH would not say it was a recurrence but I can only assume it is. He is in shock and seems very overwhelmed. I am not very close with her but our kids are friends. I taking her son for the day this weekend but I am wondering if there is more I should be doing? Honestly, I am in shock over this news. I feel terrible for this family, the kids are only 10 and 6!  

Any suggestions? I don't want to overstep any boundaries but I want to do something for them. 

Kite

Maybe start with something small like offering to help car pool her kid since he is friends with your son. Or letting the son come over to play and help them out and get his mind off of things. It seems like neutral ground to begin and then see what else you could do. 

Moderators

Sorry you are in such a dilemma. You could start with sending her some flowers from your garden or some fun food (after talking a bit with her son) or a "thinking of you" type card - a low key approach and gauge response to that initial contact. Baby steps are a safe start and no one takes offense at tokens of this type.

She may be unwell for other reasons, so find out first from her son.

We hope it is not as serious as it sounds. Good luck reaching out.

The Mods

shoppygirl

Good ideas , thank you. I didn't want to be too invasive with her husband to ask for too many details. 

Perhaps it is another issue. I hope so.

I think I will drop off some nice flowers and card when I take her son home. Maybe I will have her son help me pick some out for her. His dad told me that he is devastated that his mom is so sick. My heart is breaking for him. 

Thanks again. 

clarrn

Shoppygirl-  You are so thoughtful, and  I am sure she appreciates you taking her son.  I think that is what I worried about most when I couldn't get out of bed!  However, I don't think I would ask the son in this case, especially if it is the 6 year old.  I would be offended if someone asked my child instead of me, and I wouldn't want my child to have to talk about such a hard, emotional issue to someone he doesn't know that well.  If the son opens up on his own, great.  But I think getting him to help pick out flowers is a thoughtful, safe thing to do.  

shoppygirl

Clarrn

Thank you. I would never bring anything up in front of the son or to him. I just want him to have a fun time at my house. The family is being very private about what the mothers issue is so I want to respect that. 

I am so shocked if it a recurrence. It has only been over a year since she was diagnosis and I know she had clean scans in the beginning. I guess with no treatment and it being in her lymph nodes, it spread ( if the illness is indeed breast cancer related) 

Anyway, cancer really sucks !!

shoppygirl

I just revieved a text from the DH of the lady I was talking about above and she passed away this afternoon. I am so sad for this family. Her children were only 11 and 6. 

clarrn

So sorry to hear that