Need Advice - Sister Just Diagnosed.

Merritmalloy

Hi all,

These boards were such a help when I had DCIS and uni MX 3 years ago. Now I need advice about my sister.

She's just been diagnosed Stage II with Her 2 and will need 18 weeks of chemo. She's so upset. I didn't need chemo, so I can't tell her how it will be. Any input?

Also, she's the big sister and the type of personality who doesn't ever ask for help or sympathy. She's trying to be strong and act like she can handle all of this with little support from hubby/kids/me. I keep telling her that she needs to let people help her. So, next question...when you were going through treatment, what did people do that really made you feel better/stronger/loved?

TIA

Tara

SmartassSmurf

merritmalloy

Sorry to learn of your sister's dx. Your sister is lucky to have you reaching out on her behalf.

I was diagnosed in December 2013 with Stage II Grade 3 IDC. I had 4 cycles of AC & 12 weeks of Taxol with Herceptin. Herceptin will continue every 3 weeks for a year. Now 33 rads treatments.

My advice would be to just listen if she needs to talk. Tell her what you will do to help instead of asking "do you need anything?" When someone has sent me something I needed, told me they are bringing dinner (just asking what night), told me when they at the grocery store would I like x or y. My husband also sort of took control of the offers of help & told me who was doing what...that helped. We only had a few times where we really got in a bind & I had to ask...I sucked up my pride and asked for a ride to the ER from a neighbor. It worked out ok...but I hated asking.

Receiving things in the mail helped too during chemo. Nice notes or small gifts were a day brightened. There is a group called Chemo Angels (you can Google them) who will assign 2 angels to send weekly notes of encouragement. That has been nice too.

Good luck.

LW0919

Hi merritmalloy.  Just being there to talk and listen will mean the world to her.  Depending on the chemo regimen, she could loose her hair which is devastating to say the least.  So many times, including for me, once the chemo starts it gets real and a lot of people, including those we thought were friends take a step back.  Just be there to listen, support and offer a shoulder to cry on.  

Smartasssmurf:  first of all, cool name!  I looked still your stats and we were diagnosed exactly 1 year apart to the day.  That date will forever be engrained in my mind!  

Merritmalloy

Thanks for the advice!  Much appreciated.  

Bren58

Merritmalloy, I have had DCIS with BMX and no chemo and IDC with chemo. Both devastating and hard but in different ways. Having chemo makes the tx drag out so much longer than having an MX. The chemo will probably make her lose her hair so maybe you could be there when she decides to shave her head or go wig shopping with her or help find scarves or hats that she would wear. Chemo will also probably zap her energy and her taste buds. As a sister you might be in a better place to help her with cleaning her house or doing her laundry than friends would. Also if you able, going to chemo with her would be nice.  Since I don't have any family living close to me, a friend went with me to almost every chemo. It was nice to have someone there to talk to and be supportive. It sounds like your sisters personality is very much like mine. I am usually the strong one that can handle things on my own. That is until IDC and chemo and surgery came along. Then I very much appreciated those that stepped in to help me when I was weak and sick and down. Just be there for her and support her in what ever way you can. She may not realize she needs the support until she is into chemo for a few weeks.

Merritmalloy

Thanks Bren58.  I live 2 hours away by plane, but intend to be there for her first session and hopefully some subsequent sessions as well.  How do you feel after the first treatment?  Is it a shock?  Do they give you enough meds to get you through the bad side effects?