Anyone out there for moral support?

golilly2

Hello,

I've been DX with BC on July 7,2014. I am 56 years old. had a lumpectomy on August 7. My path results came back five days ago. Tumor 2cm, stage IIa, grade 2, 0/3 nodes. I am waiting for the results of my Onco DX test. I met with the Radiation oncologist after my surgery. He wants to do a C-Scan before treatments. I want to know is this standard practice and should I do the scan? We are on hold until healing takes place on my breast and nodes. We are also waiting on the Onco test results.

I am pretty emotional and I'm not sure if I want to do the Chemo due to all the toxins. I will try my best on the anti- hormone pills for 5 years. I'm really hoping the test comes back low. Besides still being pretty sore in my breast and node area, I just feel tired all the time. I'm still working but I have crying spells. I have kept my cancer private due to my emotional breakdowns.I HAVE MY FAMILY SUPPORT SYSTEM.....Thank God.

I have a year's worth of sick days so I'm thinking of just retiring and taking the sick days until the end of my school year. I'm not sure which of my doctors would write me a sick medical leave.....Does anyone know who should I ask ?

I've read so many discussions on this site. I'm hoping I can find another place to discuss my fears and questions without feeling I'm bringing anyone down with my cancer DX and treatment. 

Thanks, 

lyzzysmom

Hello GoLilly, Its  a quiet time here but I am sure others will chime in later. Just wanted to say ((hugs)). Its a difficult waiting time and I am wishing you a good result on your Oncotype dx. I am not an expert but my RO did a routine non diagnostic ct scan as part of the set up for rads so I think that is just a common practice, not something to worry about. 

You will find lots of support here.This is such an emotional time, believe me most of us have our times where we cry or have a meltdown or feel tired to the bones. My latest meltdown was today!

On the question of retirement, I have thought a lot about this. Just my opinion but if you like what you do and it is just the illness dragging you down maybe you could find out about taking the time off that you need with a view to returning when you get past this, and I know its tough but you will get through it!! Returning to a job you love can help in the healing process. If you don't enjoy it and you can afford to retire, then that is what I would do and then find something to do that you enjoy once you are feeling better.

I don't know the ins and outs of which doctor to ask about leave. My surgeons office gave the info for my week of short term disability while the ROs office filled in the FMLA form incase I needed odd days off due to fatigue during rads. I think I would discuss your sick leave initially with whichever doctor you are most comfortable with and who knows you best, maybe your primary care, just my thought. They can then point you in the right direction. Hopefully somebody who works in a school and has more knowledge than me will pop on here.

Anyway just wanted to wish you best possible results and hugs again!

PoppyK

Hi GoLilly,

You are not alone. I continue to face the anxiety of waiting for test results and try to make decisions about things I never thought I would have to deal with.

Your surgery was less than two weeks ago and your body needs time to heal and regain strength. The anxiety and emotions take a toll on strength, too. Don't be too hard on yourself.

When I was first diagnosed, the stress and anxiety were debilitating. I was afraid my anxiety would interfere with my ability to make good, informed decisions. It is not uncommon for people to seek counseling. Many times antianxiety medications can help, too. I encourage you to seek support that can help you during this most difficult time.

lyzzysmom has great advice about your job/retirement concerns. If I loved my job, I would try to stick with it. Having something to keep your mind and self busy can be a wonderful break from thinking about stupid cancer.

I am so glad your nodes are negative and hope you get good results with your upcoming tests.

Poppy

Melrosemelrose

GoLilly- Keep breathing.....  Hang in there.  You are still in the fact finding stage of things which translates to it is hurry up and wait.  I know the waiting can be a very anxious time.  Hopefully you will learn as I have that patience is my friend.  As to whether you should work or not, it does depend on how you feel physically.  If you are able to take off time when you aren't feeling good enough to work, then that would be great.  I have known many women who continued to work throughout their treatments.  Yes, they had their good days and not so good days.   Your fear of chemo is a valid one; however, everyone reacts differently to chemo.  Some have minimal side effects while others have a little tougher time.  However, the thing to remember is that there is an onco on call and available to you 24/7 so if you are experiencing side effects that you need help with, you can and should contact your onco no matter the time of day or what day of the week it is.  If you are wondering about my chemo experience, I had 6 rounds of Cytoxan/Taxotere plus Herceptin through a clinical trial.  I had chemo every 3 weeks and continued to receive Herceptin every 3 weeks for a year.  I had minimal side effects but most of all, they were manageable side effects.  As you will read on the chemo boards, chemo is doable. One is given pre-chemo anti-nausea meds as well as post chemo anti-nausea prescriptions to take at home.  If the post chemo meds aren't sufficient, one just needs to contact her onco to get the meds adjusted.

I had a PET/CT scan before I started chemo.  It was to check to see if there were any other areas in my body that the cancer may have gone to.  It is a considered a baseline test and just provides more valuable information and another piece to the puzzle.  

As for the emotional roller coaster you are on right now, it is part of what happens.  It is definitely okay to vent, cry, scream, be anxious and lost.  Hopefully, once your treatment plan is in place and you know the direction you are heading, you may feel a little bit better.  Try to stay positive and keep moving forward.  No one ever asked to be on this journey but here we are and so we just do our best and keep going.  Keep breathing...... keep believing in yourself and know that you can do this.  Sending you many hugs and positive, calming and healing prayers, thoughts and energy.....

edwards750

Golilly - I asked my BS to sign off on m my request. In your case though I'm not sure it shouldn't be your Oncologist if you have one. Call your BS and ask. 

Agree with others - if you like your job I would stick it out if you can. If you don't sounds like a plan to retire. 

The Oncotype test is key for your treatment plan but remember its your life and your body- they advise and you make the call. When in doubt get another opinion. 

I had a low score of 11. That meant no chemo but I did have 33 Rads treatments. Piece of cake compared to chemo. I also take Tamoxifen. I am 3 1/2 years out. I have IDC, Stage 2, Grade 1. 

We all can relate to the emotional and physical toll of a BC DX but we made it through the process and so will you. 

Good - family support is important. Don't be afraid to ask for help. 

This forum is a godsend and my lifeline and will be yours too. We may have BC but it doesn't define us. 

Keep the faith and keep us posted. 

Diane 

PoppyK

The posts above are sooo helpful to me!

Melrose, your post in particular was just what I needed to hear today!

I am still waiting for my scans, port surgery, appt with MO and RO. I have so far to go; some days are better than others. I also know that more difficult days are ahead.

I hope GoLilly benefits from the posts as I have!

Poppy 

Kicks

golily2 - My Rads Dr insisted on a CT with contrast before starting Rads.  This was done on the day of my last of 12 weekly Taxol.  Started my 25 rads a week later.

We all have different DX.  We are different before we start TX and our TX plans are different.  Our Drs are are different.  There is no one way to treat everyone - even those with similar DX.

Only you can know what is 'right' for you.

golilly2

Thanks so much for writing Iyzzysmom, PoppyK, melrosemeir,edwards750 and Kicks....

Right now it seems so lonely and that no one around me understands the emotional side of the DX of BC.It is nice to talk to other women on this site who are and have gone through these tough times. At times it feels like others around me were sad and supportive when they first found out about my BC but they have accepted and moved on while I'm still overwhelmed by it all.

Besides waiting for my Onco test results, so many choices still have to be made. Behind all the waiting and treatments,I keep trying to face that a reoccurrence is hiding down the road waiting....When I share this fear with others, they  just say lots of people never get it again. I don't feel reassured . I hope when I get further down the road, I can feel for hope again.

Iyzzysmom, Thank you for sharing, my heart is with you I hope you got through your meltdown and someone was there to hug you.

edwards750

Golilly- this is the place to vent. Nowhere else can you go and complain and people will understand and not judge you or minimize your fears and aches and pains. 

As for worrying about a recurrence. That will lessen over time but let's get real it's always there lurking around before a mammogram or ONC appt. I am the poster child for worrying and not just about BC coming back. I do look over my shoulder and freak a little over pain sometimes but not nearly as much as I used to. 

Hope your Oncotype score is low. 

Diane 

SandyLovesLucy

Golilly, I wanted to jump in and add my support for you.  The time between diagnosis, testing, waiting for results, and waiting to come up with a treatment plan was awful.  I was shocked, terrified, and despite having great support from family and friends, felt so alone.  With each decision that was made about treatment, I started to feel better that there was a plan in place.  I had surgery, and have just completed two chemo sessions which although not fun, have been manageable so far.  I'm a few years from retirement age, but at first thought I would just retire early to deal with all of this.  But, I do love my job (Like having a paycheck!) and decided this is not the time for me to make such a big decision.  I plan to work as I can through treatment and see how it goes.  I wish you luck as you do what's right for you.

PoppyK, I've read some of your posts before.  I am a few baby steps ahead of you in the process and can encourage you that it does get better with each thing that gets checked off the list of tests and procedures!  Hang in there, I'll be sending good thoughts your way.