A work rant. Cancer is just so inconvenient for my boss!

Bippy625

hi everybody. I was just diagnosed with IDC. It's stage ii or stage III and I start chemotherapy tomorrow. I got my port installed. Work issues!

I've been there for years, we work excellently together, i just got a raise four months ago.  He is always been kind and considerate to me in every way. Our relationship is more of a. It is an office, lots of juggling and deadlines, big workloads and stressful situations. I pride myself on my professional demeanor and reputation have been in this field for over 20 years. 

was told  that all my work has to be done at the end of each day, and expected a complete schedule of every moment I will be out of the office and far as far advance as possible, even if it's only going to before a few hours.  Basically I'm supposed to predict the future. Appointments are one thing but what if chemo hits me hard and I'm having a bad day and I can't get out of bed not knowing it to the moment I wake up? Or if I attempt to go to work and start feeling awful need to go home? What if I want to spend my day crying in the privacy of my own home.

Sorry it's so long but I just need to express all that in the safe venue where I won't be judged except, I would like your thoughts....anyone else have this happen???

Meow13

Wow such a JERK! Is this a small company? Talk about kicking you while you are down. This is the time you need your boss's confidence and keep some normalicy. After working for over 30 years at a very large aerospace company, I was handed a WARN (layoff) notice just months after going through being diagnosed with BC and surgery and lovely treatment. I was so devastated. I called everyone I knew and finally got another position but now I find myself in the same situation. This time I'm leaving in October. Our engineering union has filed a class action lawsuit on age discrimination. Basically I'm too old (at 56) and too expensive. I would feel bad but everyone 50 and over with experience is being given the same boot to save on costs.

How we behave in this life will be judged one day and your boss will have some explaining to do.

You are not alone unfortunately!

sarahjane7374

What a sucky thing to have to deal with on top of everything else.  Maybe he panicked at the thought of you being out?? Or....maybe he's just a dick.

I was out a lot last year due to my appointments, surgeries, mental health days, etc.  My boss could not have been better about it - asked very few questions (he doesn't like TMI), and basically told me to take whatever time I needed.  I'm sorry you aren't getting that kind of support.  

I hope things improve and he comes around after he has a chance to think about it, and realizes how valuable you are to him.  Best of luck with your treatment.

BrooksideVT

Bippy, go to EEOC.gov to learn about requesting a "reasonable accomodation" under the Americans with Disabilities Act.  I'm not sure this was the website I went to (someone else might help, especially the social worker at your cancer center).  I'm a commissioned salesperson, and my reasonable accomodation allows me to produce exactly 50% of my normal sales goal. 

It's possible the law requires a certain number of employees (my firm has zillions), and this would be good to know before you raise the issue.  There is also a regulation (federal, I think) that says you can take three months off for medical issues, all at once, or hour-by-hour. I'm sorry to be so non-specific, but I do want you to know that you probably have some rights.  On the other hand, perhaps this dork deserves you to crawl in precisely at 9:00 AM, and whooops all over his desk! 

As you have had a long-term, excellent working relationship until now, it seems he's undergone a major personality change.  Is he maybe terrified that he'll have to address his own details?  Or is there any chance that he does not understand that your diagnosis requires treatment, but that you'll be absolutely OK except for post chemo days?  Surely he knows that his approach verges on pressuring an employee to opt out of chemo?

sdstarfish

Bippy, you are definitely not alone. It's not as if you are a slacker using a 'dog ate my homework' excuse; yet many employers these days just don't at things in terms of an employee being a real person. People don't realize what chemo is like until they've been through it. My heart goes out to you!

Meow13

Brookside, I wondered if I could be qualified for a disability. My job relies on my cognitive abilities and experience, embedded software for military mission systems. It really is a young persons career. I find myself not able to concentrate as well as I used to. People say I'm just getting old but I think it is the exemestane.

lyzzysmom

Meow, I hear you. I am a 59 year old software developer who also has to do overnight on-call rotation I feel tired, stressed, sluggish and concentration is gone. Have not even started on the AIs yet. Not sick enough for disability but too old and tired to keep going. My boss is nice and still thinks the standard of my work is OK but I feel burnt out. I have decided to leave next month and take a cobra. Sad and scary as I have always worked but your words echo what I have been saying for some time "its a young persons game".

 I truly wish you all the best!!

Bippy, there are no words, at least not printable ones for the way you are being treated. I am so sorry! Maybe consult a lawyer who does not work for your law office, unless it is a big office with more than 50 employees and therefore subject to FMLA laws.

BrooksideVT

http://www.eeoc.gov/policy/docs/accommodation.html#general

OK, I think this might be the place to read about reasonable accommodations. 

Meow, it sounds as though you could qualify for a reasonable accommodation, maybe working less than full time?  If you own an individual disability policy, it is barely possible that you might possibly qualify for a benefit (talk to your agent).  The disability benefits offered by employers tend to have more stringent requirements, and Social Security would probably just giggle at us AI zombies.
 

Sunshineinky

You are also protected under FMLA.  If this is an attorneys office then they should know the federal law.  FMLA is not required to be taken all at once.  You can take an hour or day here and there.  Not a dang thing he can do about it.  

Ps, my SIL is an attorney.  

rozem

bippy....sounds like a real a**hole but then again if you had a previous great working relationship maybe hes just in panic mode at the thought of having to do it all himself. Still NO excuse to act that way

Im in Canada so i dont know anything about workplace disability in the US but just wanted to say that as someone who has had chemo ( it was awful for me) you may need to prepare them for not being able to work at all during chemo. I was on a 3 wk rotation and only felt better the week leading up to my next dose. Dose dense is even worse (2wks). While everyone has a different reaction just plan for the worst and hopefully you will be one that breezes through

glennie19

UGH, Bippy,, you don't need that sh*t on top of everything else!! Definitely check into the advice others have given you. He certainly is acting like a jerk.

DeliriumPie

you might check out cancerandcareers.org  they have a lot of information and access to free legal advocates. Good luck and sorry you have to deal with this. 

BrooksideVT

www.askjan.com

The  Job Accommodation Network is where I found out all about reasonable accommodations and how to figure out which accommodation worked for me (PTSD from rads and the blah's from arimidex).

Bippy625

thanks all!  Hubby knows him and his ways, and believes it IS panic driven.  Because of how much he depends on me. All runs smoothly when I am there, no troubles and to be fair, he has always been otherwise incredible to me.  It is a very small place, actually just three people, so not subject to FMLA. i am considering presenting that i work parttime, and applying for SSD. I did talk to a law firm and they say with my dx and depression/anxiety, i qualify as long as i cut down the hours. Unfortunately, have to do that before even applying. Not sure how much i would get and it usually gets denied a few times before they give in and it takes time. I have paid into the system since i was 15, and never have filed for anything, so please understand i am not a person that sucks off the system.   But now, i just want to be sure i have time to heal and a stressfree environment. This is all useful, and appreciated. Sorry to for those with similar issues. Isnt it hard enough already?  Well, off to chemo first time tomorrow, so i wil surely be seeing some of you there! It is like that Carpenters song, we've only just begun!

proudtospin

on the advise of a pal of mine who had retired early due to health issues, I went to her personal injury lawyer.  Told him my own tale of woe and he took the case!  I have a pending case now for workmans comp. The lawyer only gets paid if he wins so guess this guy thinks I have a case

see a lawyer and explain the story, best of luck and may your jerk of a boss...get hit by a truck!

edwards750

That is so cold. I didn't have chemo- 33 Rads treatments - but gotta tell you I had problems concentrating from the get go and the job I had was high pressure. Paid well but you sure earned it. Anyway, I took medical leave. My immediate bosses were not very sympathetic and in fact had to appeal to the CEO to protect my job status. He was great but not going back. Retired early and glad I did. 

Good luck! Keep us posted. 

Diane 

Bippy625

thank you all, again, everyone.  over the weekend, i have re read all your replies and have had my first chemo and neuplasta shot. I feel miles away already from the person i thought i was, less than 12 days ago. I want to work, but  my priority is LIVING. I am not going to sacrifice my recovery and subject myself to any thing i cannot or do not want to handle. I am terrified of other things now, not survival. Losing my savings, losing my ability to work, losing my till now excellent credit, etc. i am not wealthy, and our income is modest. I have insurance, hahahahahahahaha, we all know how that goes. I will be in debt forever when this is over, and have to file bankruptcy. I feel kicked in the face--who asks for this?  Punished at all turns for getting sick. It really has already exposed true colors. Kindness unimagined from strangers and friends--and selfish weirdness from where i never would have expected it.  I am feeling sorry for myself and i hate it.

So, i am leaning towards filing for ssi, and proposing to them that i only work part time, under the 1,070 max income per month. I wonder when push comes to shove, how it will really go down. I will be doing something soon.....

Meow13

Thanks for sharing. I have been so tired by the time Thursday and Friday come along I am going to contact HR to get the ball rolling for accommodations.

Bippy625

go for it Meow!  We have to care for ourselves first. It empowers me to know you are doing that. I can forsee some very taxing days ahead for us and support you totally. Update me on how you are doing.

edwards750

It does suck Bippy. The medical bills have leveled off for me but early on it was non-stop. We have BCBS insurance which really was pretty good considering. All the drs were in the network which I made sure of and that helped a lot. We have a 5k deductible which we met in 2 months. Good thing is it was 100% after that. They paid all of my RADS treatments, colonoscopy and ONC and BS bills. RADS alone was nearly 40k - I had 33 of those treatments. 

My advice is to make payments and not deplete your savings. They will pressure you to pay up front but I didn't. I waited until BCBS sent their EOBs. BC told me to tell them that and I did. Some doctors and hospitals can be so ruthless. All about the $. Don't add financial worries to your anxiety. You can control that. 

I am 3 1/2 years out and just paid off the last bill. One lab was a royal pain about paying - the others were really understanding. I can't imagine what women do who don't have insurance. For us, 5 kids - all who went to college, drained us. Glad we did it but not much left over. 

You have permission to be ticked. It is def a consensus with all of us. You will get through this. We are proof of that. 

Diane 

SpecialK

I burned my FMLA and short term disab (self-elected benefit, premiums paid by me) BEFORE I even started chemo because I had five surgeries in the 90 days prior to chemo.  I had company paid long term disab and they gave me an ADA accommodation, but only because they had a group of displaced workers from a location that closed, and the new location had a delayed opening.  They all needed to learn my job so they funneled through one at a time and took care of things until I was done with chemo.  The ADA accommodation could only be done because my absence did not cost the company undue hardship and they had workers they were already paying available.  A company, particularly a small one, can claim that paying someone else to do your job (especially if they are also paying you sick time, PTO, or disab from premiums they are covering) is a hardship and it is within their rights not to extend an ADA accommodation.

Bippy625

Diane, thank u! I have bcbs as well and so far, so good. We too have a higher deductible and reached in in a few minutes, haha.  Your story is very helpful, this is all so hard and new.  I am sure i am already in the upper 40's, been afraid to look but will soon. I will take your much appreciated advice!

Moonflwr912

So sorry to hear that. I am like specialk. I used up my FMLA before I finished chemo. I also had short term disability.  I did get long term disability from my work and they make you apply to Federal Disability.  Because I was still not able to work 6 MO after I started chemo, and before I finished it because of surgery and hospitalizations,  I was fired. Totally legally because I had no more FMLA. Fortunately I did receive Federal Disability because I was not working for more than 6 months. My long term disability company actually hires a company called Allsup who did the paperwork for me for the federal and I got it first time. Because I have a pacemaker,  diabetes,  bad knees from arthritis,  chemo brain. But mostly because this company knows how to word everything so it goes through. 

Good luck. This sucks but I hope you find a way through this. Much love

edwards750

Keep us posted and keep the faith! 

Diane

Bippy625

moon, sounds like you had been very prepared, with all that coverage. What more could you have done?  I have zero disability ins. And that sucks. But, yesterday things changed wonderfully. Turns out, my boss is just in panic mode. We talked a long time and he said no matter what i will have my job...i am in charge of what i want to do, but my job now is to get better. He will lay me off if i want, i can go part time. I am meeting with an ssi atty Monday, to see best options. I am so blessed, again.  We can struggle thru this. My SEs are better too, so already i learn NOT to set anything week after infusions. I will post what i learn, but may not apply to all, i live in fla and things are strange here.

sarahjane7374

Good thing you didn't strangle him.  I'm so glad he's come around and seen the light.  One less thing for you to worry about now.

LibrarianB

Hi Bippy,

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.  As if all that you are going through isn't enough.  My boss is ugh....  I am lucky and work at a school, so I've had the summer off.  I worked2.5 days last week and after coming home and being dead to the world, I had a realization.  You have to save something for yourself and your family!  It's not fair to spend all of your good feeling times at work. It's not fair to use all your energy and have nothing left for yourself.  I hope you can have an honest conversation with him.  I'm avoiding mine!  Ha ha

Bippy625

oh librarian, i have had only horrid bosses before i found him!  I know what you are saying. Dont minimize it because it has some time off in summer, this is the most devastating thing i have ever felt, ever, and i know it is the same for us all. Sighs. I am now unemployed, officially. Happy i dont have to go back into the stress pit. Sounds stooopid, but I am just now realizing how stressful it was. Cancer would just grow and grow and grow if i were still there! I hope you can be home as much as you want to bein the future.

LibrarianB

Thanks Bippy!  

I am going back two days a week and it's wiping me out.  I am trying to be a duck - let things just roll off, but it is really hard.  He's totally taking advantage of the library assistant - and I'm not there to stick up for her and she doesn't stick up for herself.  (We are a very busy library - we see over 200 kids per day).

He's stopped by the library once when I was there.  To ask how I was?  To offer a quiet place to rest if I needed it?  NOOOOOO!  To tell me that he knew it was hot, but I needed to close the door to outside because it messed up the central air for the building.  Your room is set on 71.  I said, "Does it feel like 71 in here?"  Sigh.  I have about 3 more months of chemo and 6.5 weeks of radiation.  I'm thinking about not going back for the last couple months.  I think it would be good for me physically and mentally!  

Bippy625

ugh, he sounds like a real peach, like dozens of the ones I have worked with in the past. 

hope you are doing okayI admire you for trying, but this is my 5th day of being unemployed and I have to say I am so happy to have stopped. Chemo has been very difficult. I was angry at the cancer at first, but  now realize the gifts of being able to rest and take care of my body and mind. My job was killing me, somewhat literally. I may try to work at home, at my own schedule soon, but only on my own terms.

If you enjoy it, and it heals you, I say work. If not, and it causes you ANY stress, but you financially must, then keep on but only part time. Your boss will find out someday......though i dont wish this disease on anyone, it would be a learning moment for him.  Good luck! 

lrr4993

I was relatively new on my job when diagnosed.  I am a lawyer and work on tight, set deadlines.  I told my boss I would work full time to the extent it was possible to do and, in the end, I was in fact able to do that.  I only missed my infusion days.

However, as a back up plan in case chemo really knocked me out, I applied to FMLA leave.  I did not have to use, but it was there just in case.  You should do the same if it applies to your job.

In all fairness, cancer is inconvenient for you boss.  I am not diminishing the diagnosis for you, but he depends on you for certain things and this is a problem for him too.  I was not there, but if he is just wanting to know what to expect, I think that is fair as long as he understands you don't entirely know what to expect.  Have you explained that to him?