Guess it is my turn

shewolfpg

Hi everyone!  Well I hate to say it but I am now part of this group.  And like another poster as said this is not meant in a bad way.  First off a little background.  Sometime right before my husbands official day of Military retirement which was the 1st of this month I found a lump on the left side of my left breast. That was on a Thursday before the 4th.  Well went to my regular doc who I was meeting for the first time and had her check.  <Normally when I go to the doc things seem to disappear like when I have a fever>. Well when I got there she found it right away.  Her first thought was it was a cyst. In fact she said she was 90% sure it wasn't cancer.  Cancer does not run in my family and I am on 35.  But she scheduled me a mammogram and ultrasound for the following Tuesday.

Come Tuesday I go to the appointment by myself because I don't think it was going to be bad.  Well I get my mammogram for the first time and man do those hurt for large breasts.  They were able to see the lump and they marked it right away with those neat little BB pasty things.  Took the mammogram of both sides.  Definitely saw the one.  They then proceeded to take extra of both just to be proactive for the radiologist.  Then proceed to the special waiting room for us ladies waiting for them to review the mammogram and get the ultrasound room ready.  About a half hour later I was brought in.  I laid down and the scan went on.  I was able to see everything they were seeing.  Still hoping it is just a cyst or something simple like that.  Well guess what it was more than 3cm one way and more than 2cm the other.  There was also some blood flow into the tumor.  They then proceeded to look at the auxiliary lymphnode.  Which I had no idea they were going to look at.  That was more than 1cm in size with a thick something I cant remember right now.  Well that is when I get the look from the radiologist.  He said it wasn't good.  But did tell me most likely it was a fibro ademea.  They scheduled me for a biopsy for the 15th and results 10 days from then.  Now I was worried.  Saw the official report and I had a BIRADS 4 and some other stuff I can't remember right now.

Now on to biopsy day.  Man that sucked but they took 6 samples from the lump. And 3 from the node.  Now the waiting really began

Today I got the results.  As soon as the doc sat down and I saw his face I knew I was screwed.  He said he hated to be the one with the bad news.  And he did.  I had Invasive Ducal carcinoma with a grade 3 awaiting the rest of the results with left axillary positive for macrometastatic carcinoma.  After reading more of the report all 9 samples were FULL of carcinoma and over all grade of both were 3.  They are still awaiting staging and the receptor things. 

They were awesome.  They already have an MRI scheduled for Saturday and a "Breast clinic" for Monday at noon.  That is when I will meet my whole team and I will know WAY more.  God this sucks and so does CANCER!

 

 

shewolfpg

On the plus side I feel like a weight has been lifted because at least now I know.

farmerlucy

Oh shewolf - I'm so sorry. It really sucks. It sounds like you have a great team of docs ready to take care of you. It is going to be really scary for a while. It helps a little when your treatment plan is in place. If you need meds don't hesitate to ask your doctor. Anxiety meds were made for times like these. I found it helpful to join a surgery group for my surgery month. Sending you a cyber hug. 

shewolfpg

It just sucks right now.  I know I have it but based on size and every sample was graded with a 3 I have a feeling it is stage 3 at least. At least though I will be moving fast for the next week. Work has been awesome. Once they know about how much time I will need they will work on getting leave donated. And my dad is retired so my mom wants him to come down but hell we have just gotten used to being back stateside and hadn't even got used to being retired. I thought fun would get to happen soon. Guess not.

farmerlucy

 Also just because they suspect node involvement that doesn't mean it has gone farther than the nodes. The role of the lymph nodes is to be a guardian for the rest of the body when it come to bad stuff moving out of the breast and beyond. A diagnosis of "mets" would require further screening like a PET scan, bone scan, and or other types of scans. Don't go to the "mets"  place just yet. You don't know that at this point.  

farmerlucy

I'm glad your parents are available to come down.  Yeah - this stuff happens at the worst time. Heck - actually there is no good time for this. Only 35?! Crap. You might want to check out the Young with Breast Cancer forum too. You are in an elite group, but you are not alone. 

shewolfpg

Yup only 35. Hubby is usually the sick one. Only cancer in our family is on my dad's side but one was due to agent orange and the the other was all the crap he got on him during wwi. If anything I thought a heart attack or diabetes would hit me first.

LovieLovie

Shewolfpg -  The waiting is hard but absorbing all the information that will come in the next few weeks is tough too.  You will want to bring someone with you to your appointments so they can take notes, ask questions and clarify any information (like timelines).  Most people at this point have an overwhelming urge to just 'get it out', however, now is the time to do your research and get second opinions.  A lot of information that you google is out of date or just bogus info so try not to add to your anxiety and use only good sources like this one.  You have a lot of people ready to help you who have walked these steps  before you.  We've got your back sister!  

lintrollerderby

Shewolf: I'm so sorry. I was 34 when diagnosed in 2011, and let me tell you, I was completely blindsided and felt like all of the air was sucked from the room. As for stage, don't speculate too much on that yet. If there are macromets to at least one node, and it's 3cm (FYI: imaging is not always reliable with regards to size), then that puts you to at least Stage II; however, it could be confined to just the one node, so don't borrow trouble worrying about what might be. Because of your age, I'd completely expect the Grade 3, as young women who get breast cancer are far more likely to get a more aggressive type. Grade 3 just means that the cells are poorly differentiated and do not closely resemble healthy ductal cells. This is because they're dividing rapidly and more errors are piling up in the division process because it's so hasty. Once you know the hormone and HER2 status, the picture will be more clear with regards to treatment. If they don't bring up a referral to a genetic counselor, then ask them for it. Even if there are no other cancers in the family, a mutation can still be present. I was 34 with no family history, and didn't think I'd be positive for a BRCA1 mutation, but I am. And I passed it to my only child, my daughter, and she was able to use that knowledge to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction in March.  

I'm sorry you're joining us, but know that you're not alone.

AJ62

Shewolf: Breathe! You are going to be OK. 

I too, at age 51 am a big boobed woman ( 50c ) Mammo's hurt. Just to tell you my story in a nutshell. 

I thought I had had a boil/abscess and at my Mammo it had popped and then they called this a skin lesion. Meanwhile this tumor I had grew, was painful...when the nipple went inverted, itched like crazy, swollen, red inflammed -- I knew something was up. 

In MARCH I went to the ER and even the Docs thought the same thing, a boil and cut me hoping to drain the left breast of this 'infection.' No Xray -nothing was done but that. I was admitted the next evening when I went back and the Doc could not get a good sample to aspirate.

The tumor then was about 4 cm. 

It is now 9x9cm and the smaller one almost 4 now as its a fast growing tumor, one lymph node involved per the PET scan. 

Just had my first round of Chemo on July 14th, and this Monday going for number 2! Im ready! 

I am stage 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. 

Stay strong is what I am saying. Sounds like you are being proactive and that is great! 

Keep coming here as the women here are just AWESOME -- and we're here for you. 

Sadly cancer does not matter what age you are. If I could take away all the cancer from everyone from babies to elderly and place it on myself ...I would. I pray for us all. 

Stay strong. You got this. 

I have only cried a few times since I was told back in March/April and said, I GOT THIS! I will carry on forward! I have a 10 yr old son to raise alone, and I will.

Sending you gentle hugs!!!!!!!♥

Anita

Luvmydobies

Hi shewolf, I'm sorry about your diagnosis. This is a great place! It does suck to be diagnosed no matter what age. I was 36 at diagnosis, 38 now. I was honestly shocked at the number of young ladies I met while in treatment. I met many in their 20's! It is not just an older person's disease. What I mean by older is women over 40. Like I said it sucks no matter what age you are. Hang in there and take one step at a time. We're here for you. Oh and I find this forum to be more active than the the young and strong survival forum, and you should get more responses to your posts over here. I'm not bashing the other one. This one is just more active. It feels like family!

simplelife4real

Shewolf, I'm sorry you are here, but you have found a wonderful place for support and guidance.  Have you heard of neoadjuvant chemotherapy?  Based on the size of your tumor, grade and lymph node involvement, it is most likely that your doc recommends chemo first and then surgery.  One advantage of having chemo first is that you will know if it is actually working, so it has it's good points.  I hope you are referred to meet with both a breast surgeon AND a medical oncologist before you make treatment decisions.  You are going to be having a lot of decisions to make over the next few days/weeks.  It's really important to be going to medical doctors you respect and trust.  I'm not sure what is available in San Antonio, but please try to seek the most knowledgable specialists in your area.  I live in a small town and drive 2 hours each way to go to Vanderbilt in Nashville.  Even though breast cancer is common, there is a big difference in the level of expertise.  Someone who only treats breast cancer day in and day out will be far more knowledgable than someone who handles all different kinds of cancers.

The fear and the feeling that your world has been turned upside down are very, very normal.  Your world HAS just been turned upside down, but you can do this!  Someone already suggested joining the surgical group for your month, I'd like to also suggest joining the chemo group for your month once you know when that is.  The chemo group for my month has turned into a wonderful support system for me.  They were fabulous during chemo and we have stuck together and become even closer now that we are done.   The chemo group is a great place for learning how to handle side effects and dealing with the emotional ups and downs that go along with chemo.

Also, once you find out what type of breast cancer you have (triple negative, HER2+ etc) there are great threads for each group.  They are a wonderful source of support for not only during treatment, but for the years beyond.

Wishing you the very best.  I hope you post back here after you know more.

Hugs,

Kay

Anonymous

Hey now, y'all....those diagnostic mammograms hurt us smaller chested women too!  Heehee.

 

Seriously, shewolfpg: What a rotten roll of the dice.  I'm glad someone referred you to this board.  There are a lot of answers here, no judging, and all the cyber-hugs you can handle.  Come here when you want to talk to people who understand.

You'd be amazed how many people on here are/were otherwise healthy at diagnosis, and had no family history, and for whom breast cancer was quite a surprise.  I want to address your comment about how you're just getting used to being retired and stateside, and that you "thought fun was about to happen."  Yes, you're in for a delay in those plans, but that fun WILL be happening, and you might find you appreciate it even more later on.  Look forward to those plans.  Hang on to them so you can have goals to get you through the lousy days).

A small side note...this forum is about YOU.  But I want to sneak in a very quick "please thank your husband for his service."

Best luck; keep us informed.

shewolfpg

Thank you everyone!  I know this board will help me get a lot out that will be hard to talk to with the husband and kids.  Monday I will know so much more. Hubby just retired from 20 years in the Air Force and we retired from Germany and really I am just getting used to the San Antonio area.  We are just trying to get used to bills that we haven't had in years and used to how things are here. I had been overseas for the last 7 years that it is tough.  Now this stress too!  I mean really can't I catch a break.  I was already having so many problems with stuff going wrong when we got here and now this.  He new boss is pretty cool though he still paid the hubby for the time he missed yesterday for my appointment.  And the hubby is so sweet he asked if it was okay if he went back to work which of course I told him yes please because we can't afford for him not to work.  My work has been pretty great as well even if my boss doesn't know everything that s going on yet.  I don't even know yet.  He just knows I was awaiting test results and the results SUCKED!  Okay here I am just blabbing again.  I miss having my friends around.  Haven't made any here yet and it sucks. 

LovieLovie

shewolfpg - Some clinics or hospitals have cancer buddies.  Someone who has gone thru this who understands and can give you the moral support that you need.  The American Cancer Society has ride programs (volunteers) to help you get to appointments if you can't drive yourself as well as other programs.  Don't dismiss your long distance friends either.  One friend contacted me the day of infusion for a pep talk or text, one sent me cards weekly and I put one friend in charge of sending me jokes.  The hardest life lesson thru this for me was learning when to ask for help as my identity had always been that of a giver/volunteer.  You will be able to do a lot for yourself but think of the joy you will rob others of by not letting them help you.  You are not alone...you have all of us and we are here 24/7.

shewolfpg

LovieLovie,

Oh I do know I have friends I can lean on and call if I need.  I just miss my close friends.  The ones that if I got this news around them would crack open a bottle of wine and let me cry and vent and kick and scream.  Plus I miss just having them to hug and lean on.  I don't feel alone just miss them is all.  Plus I love having this forum to do my crazy venting.  Thank you everyone. 

 

 

AJ62

We're here 24-7 so just vent away.......

HUGS to you!

shewolfpg

Okay off to my MRI.

Anonymous

Shewolf:

I'm sorry your first stateside friends had to be at BCO, but at least there will always be someone here for you.  And that hubby and mum of yours?....they're "keepers" for sure!!  Best luck at your MRI

edwards750

Welcome to the waiting room no one wants to be in but here we all are. I am beyond being flabbergasted at the number of women DX and so many young ones. I am in the older group. 

No two ways about it it sucks. I have IDC Stage 1. I went through the process in a fog. My sister and mother both had it so shouldn't have been surprised. Even one of my sister in law's had it - so did her mother. Thing is I knew when they called me back in after an appt I had it. That never happened before. 

I never allowed myself to grieve because I kept my game face on for the sake of my husband and youngest son who lived at home at the time. My son was very emotional but not in front of me. 

I am 3 1/2 years out. Had a lumpectomy, 33 RADS treatments and taking Tamoxifen. I also had the Oncotype test and my score was 11. That scored allowed me to dodge chemo. 

The anger and fear factor will always be there but if does lessen with time. This forum is my lifeline and salvation and will be yours too. Nowhere else can you let loose and no one will judge you- we all understand. 

Lots of success stories. Keep the faith and keep us posted. 

Diane 

RMlulu

Shewolfpg - hoping your MRI was a non event...and you can find activities to keep your head distracted until your appt to discuss MRI.  Fingers&toes crossed for results. 

Welcome to Texas, but so sorry you've joined us in the club that no one wants to join.  Once you have a plan...takes time...you will be able to determine just how much info you want your employer and coworkers to know...everyone is different...so follow your gut. 

Please join us in the Texas Hill Country Warrior thread.  Several are in the San Antonio area:D  for me the thread has helped me connect with others that get it and are great references for medical care...plus we just like to hang out and have fun.

Breathe, yes very surreal...but soon you and your BC team will have a solid plan...we will be in your pocket!

(((Hugs)))

Cindy 

shewolfpg

Well it went way better than expected. Monday is when I find out how far this has spread. Kinda not worried about it though. It's not like I can change anything.  Did get my binder bought and my planner. Never been one to journal but I found myself writing in the planner my thoughts and feelings. Weird how this Cancer Crap can bring things out in a person. 

Also got a call from my bosses boss today. She wanted to check up on me. Not from and employer / employee but as a breast cancer survivor to well me. It really touched me. She also told me to save her cell phone and call her even if it was to have her come sit at my side. It just touched me so much. 

msphil

we are here for u sweetie, I was diagnosed at 42, while planning for my second marriage, found my lump knew right away I worked in the O R, and city clinic, but Praise GOD, I am a 20 yr Survivor, vent as much as u want we know what your're feeling. msphil(idc,stage2, 0/3 nodes,L mast, chemo and rads and 5 yrs on tamoxifen)you are in my prayers as us all.  

Meadow

Nice to meet you Shewolf, sorry for the reason but we will all help you through it and you will help us too. We are in it together!

msphil

Hello sweetie, I felt like "WHY me", but after my treatment and I started telling others going thru to have Fatih and Hope. I knew then, WHY NOT me, for I realized I make a difference in this world by reaching back to help others going thru, and it  made me understand. I am now a 20 yr Survivor(Praise GOD)  and am proud to be of help to those now asking "WHY me?.

shewolfpg

thanks again everyone for your kind words. After a few glasses of wine and letting all my family know I went and posted on Facebook what I was going through. It isn't for sympathy or pity I posted on there so I can bitch about it and share my triumphs. The amount of support I got from my friends was amazing. Still sucks most of them are so far away but it made me realize how close some of the are to me. 

RMlulu

Shewolfpg - we will look fir you in the Texas Hill Country Warrior thread....get me through treatment!

Take care and rant all you want!