Please help me.

hopeful-e

I am a young girl and my mom was told three days ago that she has inflammatory breast cancer that has spread to her bones, blood, lungs, and her head (brain I think). The only thing is--they haven't done a biopsy. They've done blood work and a cat scan, and she's been examined by surgeons, doctors, oncologists, etc, but no biopsy, either in the OR or bedside. I am not familiar with the medical world, but isn't a biopsy needed to actually diagnose that what she has is in fact cancer?! 

I am a college student and while I was away she withheld from me (only child), and all her friends and family how she was feeling. She was covering up a large, horrifically bruised area on her breast, wounds on her scalp, her trouble walking up the stairs, and a 15 pound weight loss (she's petite in general). When I came home from school for the summer she did not look right. Her energy was gone, she was distant, irritable and moody. She wasn't calling her friends back, she didn't want to see anyone, she stopped going to work. But her mother had passed away recently, and two years before my father, her husband of 40 years, died of cancer and she devoted herself to taking care of him while I finished HS, held down her job, cared for years for her dementia ill mother (before she went into a nursing home right before she died) and took care of our large house with all our pets. No one knew anything and everyone is surprised to hear what has been told to us by the doctors because she hid everything from everyone. Never in a million years did I think she would not go to the doctor if she felt something was wrong with her (especially after the hell we went through with my dad). 

These last few days have been confusing, tiring, scary, awful, etc. I am scared as she is my only parent now. They are telling me it doesn't look good because of the advanced state. They said this cancer was aggressive and advanced (again, w/out biopsy because she is too weak to undergo one and they said they "don't see a point of it"). I want to fight and I am going to fight. My mom, who's on an oxygen tank as of now, but has said she has been feeling much better in the last few days (more so than at home!) she is hungry, sleeping well and saying she's not in pain. And a few days ago when she was in pain she said it was only a 2 on a 10 scale. Drs are telling me to be realistic and I understand but I am not ready to give up on my mom. She told me she wants to live. I need her to live. I will do anything for her. 

I guess I wrote this forum, hoping and praying for some similar cases with survival stories. I am asking for your prayers please, and any advice you could give me. Thank you.

-E

hopeful-e

And hope, please. I'd really appreciate some hopeful news.

Moderators

Dear hopeful-e

You need to sit down with your mum and find out all the details she knows, and if you go with her to the doctor appointments, jot down technical notes of what they say. That way you will know more about her condition and diagnosis.

You also need to talk with your mum  openly about how she wants to manage this problem and what she wants regarding treatments. Remember that it is her body and her decision as to what treatments she undergoes.

We know how shocking this must have been for you to find out but you now need to assist and support your mum. It is a scary time for both of you and the other women on here will assist you and further advise you on how best to cope.

You may find it useful to read and possibly post in Topics such as For Caregivers, Family, Friends and Supporters and For Family and Caregivers of Members with STAGE IV Diagnosis

We wish you and your mum our best.

The Moderators

chrissyb

Hi Hopeful-e and welcome to BCO.  As the Mods said, you need to sit and talk to your mom to get some more details so we can help you with suggestion but we need to know more of the details, not just that she is stage IV.

Depending on her dx as in ER+ or - etc will dictate what plan she could have for treatment if she chooses but I just want to encourage her by saying I was told I would live two years and here I am at five so there is always hope and having a great dispersement of disease does not necessarily mean death straight away.

I wish you well in finding out a bit more and I send to you both,

Love n hugs.     Chrissy