Joining the club

Sunflowercat

Hi everyone, I'm a 39 yo mother of three kiddos (3,5 & 8) and got the news yesterday that I have IDC. I have a 9mm x 5mm subareolar tumor at the 12 o'clock position in my right breast.  ER+ >90% / PR+ >90%, still waiting on HER2 results.  This is such a shock because I went in for pain in my left breast (fibrocystic breasts) and my doc got me in quick.  Two days later I had my very first mammogram and breast u/s.  I had my core needle biopsy on Tuesday afternoon and got the results within 24 hours.  I knew as soon as I saw the call!  Eeek!  We have no history of BC on either side of my family and I have a HUGE family.  Sadly none live within 500 miles.

It's been an emotional roller coaster and thanks to my lurking here over the past 10 days I did not hesitate to ask my GP for a Xanax Rx.  That has been keeping me from losing it when I get overwhelmed by my dx.  I am fortunate that my children are spending a few weeks with my parents several states away, so I can be a mess and not scare them.  I had to tell my husband over the phone since he is out of town on business and I have to say that was the crappiest thing I've ever had to do!  He's trying to keep it together, but is scared.  

I'm trying to look at the bright side of things.  One of my best friends is my OBGYNs partner, so she came over last night with another friend and we polished off several bottles of wine while she explained my pathology report to me and we came up with some strategies.  She even called the surgeon at home to have him get me in stat.  I leave tomorrow to see another friend for several days and the day after I return I have my surgical consult.  My father was a plastic surgeon - so he's a fabulous source of info on reconstruction.  (Our timing sucks as he's coming out of retirement to practice Hyperbarics and starts his new job next week!). I also know the woman who runs the local breast cancer support group and she's going to take me to their next meeting.  She's a wealth of information!

I'm mainly worried about my kids, how will I care for them if I need lots of treatment?  I was so looking forward to being really involved in their classrooms this year.  We decided that my 3yo will go to all day preschool...so that's a big relief!  The hard part is my husband is a consultant and he travels for work frequently...sometimes he's gone up to 6 weeks at a time.  My step mom said she would fly down and take care of the kids/house while I'm dealing with this.  Still I feel bad, because that's MY job!

Then there's the whole question of telling everyone else. I'm going to wait until after my surgical consult and I have a plan of action.  I live in a very small town...so word is gonna get out super fast. Do I just blurt it out at book club/Bunco/moms club/Board mtgs and let it spread?  I don't fear the gossip aspect, just the pity.  I don't like people worrying about me, but I am lucky that because of my community involvement I will have an outpouring of support and help. (My husband is already fearing the amount of casseroles that are going to start showing up! Haha!  We hate casseroles!). 

 I'm also very grateful I found this awesome community - even though I'd rather not be a part of it.  There is so much information here and lots of caring people.  I didn't mean to write such a long post, but feel better having written it all out.  Thanks for letting me ramble!

Warrior_Woman

Sunflowercat - This is the club nobody wants to join but as you can see, the women here are a lifesaver.  You have a lot of support and will need it.  The extent of your treatment is not yet determined.  It can range from a bump in the road to several difficult years.  I too am mighty independent but have learned to ask for help and allow people to help.  I have learned how much others really care about me.  I chose to tell people on a need to know basis until it was evident that word got around.  I didn't want to hide or have others be afraid to talk with me so one day I made a big Facebook announcement and that was that.  I don't get pity but there are many misconceptions and people sometimes say inappropriate things.  I normally let it all slide by.  For most, the initial diagnosis is the hardest part and once a game plan is in place it gets easier.  

BTW, this is a great place to ramble, vent, curse, cry and laugh.  

Okiemomof4

Greetings from Oklahoma, sunflowercat.

Sorry that you are a member of the club that no one wants to be a part of, but you have found a great place for support. It is easier to "talk" here because we all get it. Your friends and family want to understand and be supportive, but it just helps to vent to gals who understand. 

I, too, have no family history. Guess it has to start somewhere. You will feel better after you get a plan of action. One of the best pieces of advice I got was "Go with what you know!" Don't get ahead of yourself. Don't worry about how you will take care of your kids through treatment until you know what your treatment will be. I had a lumpectomy and brachytherapy. Pretty easy, really. My oncotype test indicate chemo wouldn't  be very beneficial for me. So, no chemo, but hormone therapy for 5-10 years. If you do have a mastectomy and chemo, you will have a different path than I did, but you will make it. Accept help from friends and relatives. And don't be too nice to say, "We don't eat casseroles" if someone offers to bring you food.

For now, until you go to your consult, be really good to yourself. Go on a date or GNO. Get a massage or mani/pedi. Eat chocolate--really good chocolate. And if you find your anxiety is too much, ask your doctor for some meds. Remaining calm and being able to sleep are really important.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or just want to vent.

You got this.

mdg

I am so sorry you have joined our club.  It stinks!  It is a challenge going through all of this, but throw some young children into the mix and it gets even more interesting. I only have one...my son was 4 when I was diagnosed.  I was lucky my husband was not traveling much during my treatment and his office was only 10 minutes from our house.  Other than my husband, I had no help with my son at all and no one brought us casseroles or dinner.  My son was in full day preschool at the time so I only had to do morning stuff and after school stuff until my husband was home to help.  For the most part, I felt better than I thought through chemo.  I still got my son up and ready for school every morning and cooked dinner most nights with no problem.  I did rest during the day when needed though.  After my bilateral MX I needed help.  I could not do much for myself for at least a week.  I was not allowed to drive for a few weeks either.  I did have a lumpectomy before that and the recovery was not bad.  I was able to do most things.  I was sore, but it was not bad.  Once you decide on treatment, you will have a better idea of when you need help so you can plan.  Maybe some friends can also just take the kids for some play dates to give you time to rest if you need it.  None of this is fun or easy, but you will get through it.  Saying prayers for you.  Hugs!