A long 6 months

cathycteach

I was diagnosed with IDC in Feb.  Had a double mastectomy in March.  Three rumors in one breast.  3 nodes in armpit came out.  11 nodes in chest came out. All negative.  I am hormone positive and did not need chemo or rads.  I have done physical therapy and now have mild lymphadema.  

I gained about 20 pounds during all this and am taking tamoxifen.   

My final implants are scheduled for end of July.  My bf is happy my freaky expanders are coming out.  I am too bc they are so uncomfortable.  But I am not all happy and excited.  They won't be as large as I was.  They will have no feeling.   I got them bc I thought it would make me feel a lil less unhappy with my looks.  But I could really care less I am getting them.  I have a great doc and he will do a good job.  But I have low expectations of actually feeling good about myself or them in the near future. I will never be whole again.  I was completely happy with my original ones.  But to prevent death I had the mastectomy.  So I here I sit with these horrid expanders happy I am not dead. Bit I have at least 20 pounds to drop and my new ones won't be like my old ones.  So I feel sad. 

Sorry to rant and ramble. 

jenjenl

Big's not always better  They will be different and who knows you may end up loving them.  I had the DIEP surgery done and they are not perfect or the same but i'm a fan of them.  I think you have a lot going on and still processing you had cancer, all these surgeries, etc.  It's a lot to go through.  I do think you will be happy 6 months from now.  Chin up!

Blessings2011

cathycteach- you have every right to be sad and to rant and ramble!

We've all been where you are, and understand.

Yes - breast cancer surgery, treatment, and reconstruction can be a long, drawn-out, sucky process... Or sometimes it's not.

You are so early in your process, it's difficult to imagine being happy, whole, and carefree again. It does sound like you have a caring, supportive partner.

One of the things I always find myself recommending when life gets so bogged down, is finding a good counselor with whom you can vent, rant, rave, cry, and no one - like a family member - can judge you.

What the therapist CAN do is help you find ways of coping with these sudden changes in your body and your life. I found my therapist through the Oncology Department at my hospital. She specializes in breast cancer patients.

Even though I am a retired counselor, I always feel better after sessions with my therapist.

There often comes a time when we all need a little extra help.

Sending you hugs, and wishing you the best. 

Ally2345

Ditto what Blessings2011 said.  One thing I have learned is that it is okay to feel discouraged and the women on this Board can understand.  You are dealing with alot, not just physically but mentally and emotionally.  My emotions seem to be just on the surface these days.  Hang in there and believe it will get better!  

Ally