Personality conflict with surgeon

skeeter240

  I am 62 years old and just had my right breast removed. I had a choice of removing the lump followed by 6 weeks of radiation but decided I had rather remove the entire breast and not do radiation.

  I also chose no reconstruction. It is now 14 days since surgery. One drain has been removed but one remains until next week.

  I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I only used the morphine drip 3 or 4 times and came home the day after surgery with no other use of pain medication. 

  My main problem is a pocket of fluid under my arm. My skin is very sensitive and it really bothers me when my arm is down because it rubs it and puts pressure on it. My surgeon evidently thinks I am totally stupid. He keeps saying it is fat and not fluid. He did however tell my to massage it. When did massage start removing fat?

  He also told me I was about 50 lbs. overweight and wasn't going to look like Marlyn Monroe. Keep in mind that I didn't say one single word about how it or the scar looked. If I had been worried about that I would have chosen to have reconstruction. I felt his comments were rude and said simply to hurt my feelings.

  I seriously hope next week is the last time I have to see him. This is not the only problem we have had, it is just the latest.

farmerlucy

Skeeter - That was incredibly rude and insensitive. I'm sorry you experienced that. What a butt- head! You might check with the June Surgery Sisters. I think they call it a seroma. Sandra4611 started the June surgery group  - chime in there - I know she can help.

wrenn

if you wouldn't let a cashier at walmart talk to you that way why would you let a doctor? I would,tell him diplomatically why you are firing him and filing a report to the college of physicians and surgeons and  then for good measure let him know to watch for your comments on 'Rate my MD'.

dlb823

Wow!  I totally agree with Wrenn.  His ridiculous comments are totally inappropriate and need to be reported -- first to him, and if you don't get a sincere apology, then at least to the hospital, hopefully to save future  patients from such outrageous behavior.

And yes, it sounds like you have a seroma (fluid build up).  They often resolve on their own, but if painful may need to be drained.   (((Hugs))) Deanna

AmyQ

I would think a fellow in his shoes would have a little kindness and sympathy rather than rudeness and no filters. I agree with the others Skeeter, write a review and dump the jerk. So very sorry he treated you this way. Btw, I agree it sounds likes seroma under your arm and perhaps if he had done his job properly, you wouldn't have it.

exbrnxgrl

Yup, dump him, file a complaint, send him a letter clearly stating what he did and why he was totally inappropriate. It won't change the past but perhaps will spare someone else in the future. And it does sound like you have a seroma.

PS: This is not a personality conflict. Your surgeon is a jackass.

wrenn

^^^^ that...he is a jackass.

Ariom

How rude! I would be going elsewhere too! These Doctors seem to forget they are working "for" you!

I am wondering if you have a "Dog Ear". I had one after my right UMX and I decided to have it removed about a year after my surgery because it continued to bother me.

My surgeon explained it as flesh that used to be pulled forward by the weight of the breast, but after the breast was removed it just sits under the arm. If you are interested in seeing a picture of  a before and after, there is one on Breastfree.com. It may be worth taking a look to see if it is what you have. I massaged mine because it was not only numb, but it had that cut nerve sensation in it which was very annoying.

I had a seroma too, which I had drained, but it was on the front of my chest below the incision line.

I hope you can get relief from whatever it is you have and I hope you can find someone else with better people skills! Good Luck!

 

Beatmon

if you have a seroma, it may need to be drained.....and it could become infected without intervention by your dr. You need to be able to see him...and tell him what is wrong with you, and you don't understand why he apparently has a problem with giving you care. (Then fire his ass after you are taken care of ).

skeeter240

 I want to thank everyone for all the replies. I really hope next week will be the last time I have to see him. I do plan to tell him exactly how I feel. I was just caught completely off guard by his behavior when it happened. I never expected to be treated like that by a doctor.

MelissaDallas

Yep, he's an ass, pure & simple. No "conflict" at all.

Bren-2007

Skeeter ... glad to hear you're going to say something to him next week.  I long time ago I had a gyn who was really rude and abrasive.  I finally had a talk with him and he straightened up.

He was very rude and demeaning to you.  I hope you can find a different surgeon in the future.

hugs,

Bren

leaf

Some doctors have no bedside manner. 

 Long ago, once I saw a resident apologize to a patient about the way that the attending berated the patient.  I hope I will never have to see my breast surgeon again due to poor bedside manner, and she did nothing compared to what yours did to you.  In general, surgeons have a reputation for poor bedside manners, though I have had 2 with remarkably good bedside manners.  Usually surgeons go into surgery because they like to do surgery, and usually patients are either drowsy or asleep during surgery.

If you call him on his actions you will be giving him the opportunity to re-evaluate himself, and thus potentially save his future patients from going through what you did.  You will be doing a favor to humanity.  I just hope he doesn't realize what he is doing, and has the capacity for self reflection.

And would some Power the small gift give us

To see ourselves as others see us!

It would from many a blunder free us,...   Robert Burns

peggy_j

skeeter, that surgeon was rude. As an FYI, I'm three years post-Dx, I still have ongoing follow up appts with my surgeon. I'm currently on the one-year follow up plan. The first two years it was more often, maybe every three months the first year, then every six months. And I only had a lump+SNB, and had no problems. I wonder if it makes sense to transition to a new surgeon (in the same dept) for the follow ups? If it was me, I'd hate to be in the position, at some random point in the future, of possibly having an issue or question but being reluctant to call for an appt because I hate the surgeon. Sorry to hear you are going through this and best of luck.

skeeter240

Peggy, I have had two previous surgeries both many years ago. One was gallbladder and the other was to remove an ovarian cyst. I had a six week checkup with both and was then dismissed.

  I see no reason to continue seeing a surgeon since I am not going to have any reconstruction. I will continue to see the oncologist along with my internist and pulmonary doctors. If I have need to see a surgeon it certainly will not be him. The minute he removes this drain we are done.

peggy_j

skeeter, sure that's your call. Part of the reason for the follow up is that the surgeon does a physical exam of the breast and lymph node areas to see if there are any signs of recurrence.   My surgeon made the recommendation that, going forward, I stagger the schedule of my appts with her and my MO. i.e. if I'm on a 6 month follow up with each, try to space them out so I'm getting a physical exam from one of them every 3 months. I also try to stagger them with my mammo.

Jennie93

I saw my surgeon twice after leaving the hospital.  At about one week to get the drain out, and at about 2 weeks to see how everything was healing.  He said everything looked fine and I should go back to my normal life.  (I cannot even begin to express how insane that sounds to me now!)   Never saw him again.  I do have regular followups with the MO and RO.

peggy_j

Jennie, interesting. Maybe my doctors handle the follow-ups differently. After I finished rads I had one (or two) follow ups with my RO but now I never see him. (though I can, if I have questions/concerns). My surgeon and her colleague are both breast surgical oncologists (all BC, all the time) so maybe that's why they do the follow-ups instead of my RO (who handles diff. types of cancer?)

skeeter, I forgot to mention, on the physical exam, my docs exam both sides (since we're at slightly higher risk for a second primary) and even check part of my abs (ovaries? diff. types of lymph nodes?). Again, it's your call, but I like having the extra set of eyes during these early years, and being "established" at a doc in case an issue comes up. Good luck and hope you are healing well!

skeeter240

I saw my surgeon today and the final drain was removed. I must say he was in a much better mood today. I do have to see him next week in case he needs to drain any fluid that builds up because of the drain removal.

 He did suggest I put vitamin E on the areas that are so sensitive. It does still bother me a lot when my arm touches or rubs the area under my arm. He also said we could do more surgery if needed after I was totally healed. At this point I am pretty sure that will not happen. I am getting much better at holding my arm away from my side.

 If anyone has any suggestions for anything better than vitamin E to reduce the sensitivity I would appreciate it very much.

 I spent a long time writing a letter to give him that was pretty mean but I chose not to give it to him. I will spend the days before my next visit composing another letter that is much softer just to let him know how he hurt my feelings. Maybe he will read it and understand how his words can really make a difficult time even worse that it already is.

 I have often written letters that are never sent or given to others who have hurt me over the years. I have found that it really helps even if the offending party never knows. 

 I do much better with letters that I do trying to explain how I feel in person. I either start crying or cussing when I try to tell someone how I feel in person.

Ariom

Hi skeeter, I am glad your Doctor managed to redeem himself a little. 

If your Surgeon is offering more surgery for  the area that is sensitive, then I am sure it is, what I had, a "Dog Ear" and not fluid. These are very common. I described it in my previous post. Take a look at Breastfree.com and decide if it is the same thing.

I was so sure I didn't want to have any more surgery, but after 12 months of sensitivity, I decided to have the revision surgery and I am so happy with the result. I certainly don't mean to pressure you in any way, but I just want you to know it can be fixed. For me, the sensitivity is almost nil now and the skin is flat and smooth. I wish I had done it sooner!

I think he has suggested the Vitamin E and massage because it is good for the skin and the scars, but the massage actually does help with the sensitivity. I felt like I had a bunch of cut nerves in that thing under my arm. I found that it would come over the band of my bra and be even more sensitive. My arm would rub it and make it zing!

I wish you all the best with whatever you choose to do. Take care!

skeeter240

Thanks Ariom, I may feel different later but for now I just want to be finished with surgery and weekly visits to doctors. I am pretty sure I can deal with it once it is healed. It isn't like I am working. I live alone and usually only do things that are important to me. If I don't feel like doing something I just don't do it. My two dogs and two cats do not care what is done as long as they are fed and loved.

bandwoman1234

Hi Skeeter,

I had a lumpectomy on March 27 of this year. About three weeks after surgery things started to get very uncomfortable and painful. I let my surgeon's office know and they ended up putting me on an antibiotic before seeing me the next day. I had a seroma and the surgeon drained it and it was a relief and it was not infected after all. Even though your bs  sounds like a total jerk you may need to insist on seeing him. I doubt if he would have ever told you to massage it if he didn't think it was a seroma. My surgeon told me in the hundreds of these types of surgeries he does each year only about two require draining. I don't know if it is an ego thing on the surgeon's part or what but to get some relief I would insist that he sees you and deal with it and then possibly see another surgeon if you really don't think you can deal with him in the future. My bs told me at my first consultation that he would see me for life after the surgery. I am not sure if they all do this but you if you don't want to deal with this guy long term I would surely be asking around for recommendations for another surgeon.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. Having to deal with all we do is bad enough but to have a member of your cancer team be insensitive is just more than one can bare. I hope you can get some relief soon.

Bandwoman

 

Ariom

Skeeter, I totally understand how you are feeling, I just wanted you to know, there are options.

All the best and I hope the sensitivity settles down for you.

enjoyevrymoment

Skeeter,

I too was treated what I considered rudely by a surgeon who is known to be really good in my area, he said "well Mother Nature certainly hasn't been kind to you" (in regards to my original breasts sagging), implied I ate fast food and TV dinners (I had just lost almost 40 lbs intentionally and actually didn't look too bad), and told me that to get a mastectomy was unnecessary and most importantly would hurt his statistics since more women seemed to want them with IDC than lumpectomy and he thought it was "overkill".  A few other charming comments such as "well if you go for DIEP at least you have plenty of fat to use" (which by the way the PS said I did not have enough to make things like they were)  While I now know that certainly there are good outcomes for lumpectomy with radiation I was brand new to the whole thing and he just didn't even listen to me.

My husband and I sat in the car afterwards and decided we could not pursue care with him.  He wanted to punch him but deferred to the fact that I had prepared him that surgeons can be arrogant and not always nice.  My colleague at work (I work in the medical field) wrote him a letter telling him that our practice was very disappointed in how I was treated etc which was a beautiful letter.  I was kinda in my shell shocked period where I had just been diagnosed so I truly was numb and felt unable to tell him off at the time, even in a nice way.  Was grateful my coworker wrote the letter which was a masterpiece, professional but said what needed to be said. 

My surgeon I went with was not my best friend and was not bubbly, but she was professional, caring, straightforward, and never derogatory.  We are worth that.  I was not looking for a new best friend, but to have someone who was just mean was not going to happen.

skeeter240

He has treated me much nicer since that day. Maybe he was having a bad day even though that doesn't excuse his rudeness and lack of compassion.

 He has also drawn fluid from the (fat pocket) under my arm that he said did not have fluid.

 I am pretty tough so his comments made me mad rather than depress me. I am just glad he said those things to me rather than a younger woman who was already devastated at losing a breast.

 I am doing great now. The sensitivity is not bad at all now so it no longer bothers me. 

 I have another appointment with him tomorrow so he can draw more fluid off of the (fat pocket) if needed. It has filled back up but really isn't a problem now.