It was confirmed today (33 years old).

Kelly1217

It feels like such a nasty joke that I am sitting here
typing out a “I have breast cancer” posting. A year ago, I found a small lump
in my right breast and I remember reading the postings on this site. I posted
once that I was worried. I was relieved to find out that was a sebaceous gland
cyst. I took a huge sigh of relief and went about my life.

Six weeks ago I was naked and brushing my hair. I looked at
my breasts and spotted that there was an in indent on my right breast. I
stopped brushing. I felt around my breast and I noticed it… there was a huge
lump. This did not feel right. This was, most certainly, not like the sebaceous
gland cyst. Still, I did not want to immediately go into hypochondriac mode. I
am sure it was nothing. After all, I am 33 years old—much younger than the
average age to be diagnosed with breast cancer.

I set up a physical with my family physician and made it
known about the lump at that that. She felt the lump and said it felt very
worrisome.

A few days afterwards, I was getting a mammogram and
ultrasound. Towards the end of my visit, the radiologist came in to talk with
me. I happened to get lucky that day, as the radiologist was a physician at the
local Breast Care Center. I was lying on the table, with my boyfriend holding
my hand, and he walked into the room. The first thing he said to me was, “Kelly,
you have had some major changes to your breast since your last mammogram.” He
started to perform an ultrasound himself to get a feel for it.

He told me to get dressed and had me and my boyfriend come
into a room with a lot of screens placed all around with my breast, in
different images and angles, viewed on the screens. He did not come out and say,
“You have breast cancer.” No, he did not say it to me because he could not
without the pathology reports, but it was so obvious when you put everything
together what it what. I could see the “spider” type appearance on the screen
from the mammogram. He showed me the location of all of the lumps and the
clustered group of micro calcifications with each one. I saw the irregular
margins on the ultrasound. There was no fluid—he confirmed. He went through
everything. The list goes on as to the symptoms.

This past Friday, I was at the Breast Center getting a
biopsy on two of the three lumps. The third one is in such a position I would
need to be suspended into air, facing down as the physician worked on me from
underneath.

Today I received a call from the nurse at my physician’s
office. My family physician had an emergency she needed to tend to, but did not
want me to wait any longer and she extends my apologies she was not able to
call me directly at that time. I could tell the nervousness in the nurse’s
voice. I can imagine she was contemplating how to tell me I had cancer. I
wanted to make her feel more comfortable. I said, “I already know it is cancer.”
I swear I heard a sigh of relief in her voice. She said, “Yes, it is, I’m sorry.”

My family Doctor will call me tomorrow and talk to me
personally. In the meantime, I needed to see the oncologist and would get a
call soon. About an hour later, I get a call that I have an appointment Monday
6/23/2014, but if the oncologist wants to see me, sooner then he will then see
me Friday 6/20 instead. He just had yet to look at my reports. Okay, cool
thanks! An hour later, I get a call that the oncologist had a chance to look at
my tests (pathology report, mammogram/US) he wants to see me tomorrow as soon
as possible, as in, Wednesday, 6/18 at 8:00 am.

Tomorrow morning around 8:00 am, I will finally get a few
more answers, such as, exactly what type of breast cancer do I have.

My main fear right now is this is an aggressive form.

I am trying to prepare myself for a bumpy ride.

I am hoping to establish some friendships and mutual support
for others who have been diagnosed with BC.

 

Looking forward to chatting,

Kelly

Moderators

We are sorry to hear of your situation. We wish you all the best.

The Mods

Dancermom1999

Kelly:

I am so sorry to read your post and not be able to give you a big personal hug {{HUGS}}....I will be praying for you tomorrow.  You have come to the right place for great support throughout your journey.  No matter what, you will never be alone here!

Love,

Kathy

Trisha-Anne

Kelly, there will be others who come on here to support you, this is a wonderful community. I know it's easier said than done, but you are in one of the worst stages right now - waiting to see what you are dealing with and how it will be dealt with.

I just want you to know that you'll be supported by all the amazing ladies (and men) on this site, and while your journey (I hate that description of it, but it really is a journey) may not be easy, you'll have lots of support.

I am almost four years out from a diagnosis of aggressive cancer, and I'm doing really well - so don't think you have an automatic death sentence!

Please keep us posted on how you go tomorrow.

Sending you warm ((((hugs)))) from Australia!

Trish

Anonymous

Hi Kelly,

I'm so sorry you've been diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully, you'll know more tomorrow and I hope it's not an aggressive cancer, after all. A lot of people think once you know exactly what you're dealing with and have a plan in place, it gets easier. When I was first dx'd in September 2013, I couldn't believe the amount of time treatment takes. I remember sitting there saying, 10 months? That can't be right! Well, here I am 10 months later, just finishing up treatment and getting back to my life. I'm here to say, it's a rough ride, but you will make it through. You'll meet lots of wonderful people on this site, who are going thru the same thing and the mutual support will help when you need it most. There's a saying on this site that I thought was kind of hokey when I first heard it. People will tell you they're "In your pocket" and it means that there are people here who are concerned about you and they are with you in spirit when you have a doctor's visit or procedure. So, I'll be in your pocket tomorrow and please let me know how it goes. Good luck!

Luvmydobies

Kelly, I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. I was 36 at diagnoses, and yeah this sucks no matter what age you are. I too will be in your pocket tomorrow. HUGS and prayers for you. Keep us posted. 

YoungTurkNYC

Kelly,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was diagnosed at 40 (much older than you but still relatively young).  I also have a mom who has been living with Stage IV breast cancer for over 13 years.  There are many treatments that are available to treat breast cancer right now, and in many instances a cure is achieved. I hope the beast will be kicked into remission in no time.

lindacam

Kelly I am so sorry this is happening to you.  Pm me anytime

Linda

Tomboy

...and it does sound like you have an excellent man. how sweet that he was holding your hand! i am so glad for you, that you found bco so early, and i will be with you in spirit, too, and i am so sorry, you look so young to be having to deal with all of this. there are some wonderful strong women here, who know exactly what you are going through in your head, and a fount of information from the search function. welcome.

srdc2013

Hi- I am so sorry you have to join this club. I remember so well being exactly where you are right now. I won't lie - the next few weeks are going to be stressful and hard. Some unsolicited advice? 1.  Take someone to appointments with you to take notes - the docs will throw lots of terminology that you may not understand yet and ask you to make treatment decisions when you have so little understanding of your options.  2.  Ask for something  to help you sleep (Ativan was my lifesaver in those first stressful weeks) 3. This forum is terrific for info and support but also ask about local groups so you can connect with real life new friends. I am hopeful that your cancer is easily treatable and you will kick cancer's butt! 

dwill

Kelly, it sadden me as I read your story. I was diagnosed three weeks before my 60th birthday. I have children your age and would not ever want them to have to go through this.  Cancer is so unfair and you are so young.  Sending out support and love from all of us here.  We will be here for you.  Good luck when you see the doctor to find out more about your cancer and remember we will have you in our pockets,

lintrollerderby

I'm so sorry. I was diagnosed at 34 in 2011. It's very hard at any age, but I felt that being so young presented me with unique challenges. I was the first of my peer group to get cancer. I was always the youngest in the waiting room at my NCI cancer center's breast program. I was constantly told, "but, wow, you're SO young to be dealing with this" by the nurses and doctors. I saw the pity in their eyes as they associated me with their own daughter or with themselves if they were my age. 

I'm glad you'll be in sooner rather than later so that you can get some answers. Speculation always makes for more panic. Knowing your specific circumstance and the plan for addressing it will ease some anxiety. 

Best wishes and know that you're not alone.

kcat2013

Kelly, I'm sorry you have to be here.  I thought I'd wave and offer you a hug as a fellow 30 something.  I was diagnosed at 34.   I'm glad you don't have to wait long to find out the details of your diagnosis, waiting is really awful.  Let us know how things go.

Kendra

KimmyD78

Kelly, I'm so sorry. I was in your shoes literally last week. Just diagnosed myself, not quite 2 months after I turned 36. 

It's great, albeit scary I know, that the onc wants to see you so quickly. I got the phone call Tuesday morning. Saw my primary later that afternoon for a referral, and had an 8 am appointment on Thursday. 

I thought my first appt with the onc was going to be a standard one, maybe lasting an hour or so. The reality was I didn't get home until after 3pm, because they bounced me from the onc's office, to a surgeon, to pre-op at the hospital for a port placement the next morning. Additionally, both docs filled up my calendar this week with other appointments and tests that are necessary before I start chemo in 2 days. 

I'm not telling you this to scare you, but rather prepare you for the fact that there is a chance this may all move extremely quickly for you. I knew it would move quick, but I had no idea it would be THIS quick. As nutty as the last five days have been since that first meeting with my oncologist, it's much better for my mental health knowing that there is a treatment plan in place and that we're moving along. It definitely beats the week of not knowing as we endured waiting for the biopsy results.

Good luck and let us know how it your appointment goes!

Kelly1217

Thank you all for your kind words and support! I couldn't sleep.

I feel as if I am a very strong, stubborn woman and I will, most certainly, get through this. I am going to try, as much as I can, to maintain my sense of humor and looking at the world through a lens of "I can do anything." I have decided to name my right boob "Ms. Troublemaker" and the lumps are her accomplices.

I have one major fear and that is chemo. I feel like I can endure the surgeries, tests, and as much radiation as they tell me I need, as well as, pills, but if they say I need chemo, I just might crumble. Even just saying the word chemo and thinking of it I can feel my anxiety level increase and the agitation develop. I don't want chemo. I don't want to lose my hair. It sounds superficial-- my hair over my life-- but it's one of my fears. Second, I am an instructor at a college. I hear of "chemo brain" and I am so afraid I will lose my cognitive functioning that I strongly value about myself and is a factor of my identity. In my work environment, I need my cognitive functioning. I am a graduate student. I need my cognitive functioning as a graduate students. I have plans to continue on for my PhD. as I complete my Master's in December. I can't begin to imagine doing anything that will, even remotely, chance a decrease in my cognitive functioning. Third, I am worried about being sick and the nausea.

I think, if the doctor will let me, I want to go radical with surgery. Give me a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.

I think at the oncologist appointment I'll get a better sense of what is ahead. I'll post later on today with what the road ahead holds. ]

(((Hugs to you all!)))

 

Delvzy

j

Kelly so sorry to read your story . My story was similar I took to the couch in shock for about 5 days just numb and crying. My first thought was omg I am going to lose my hair I can't do chemo . But I did and I was fine I jogged every day never got sick just tired. The dr gave me some anti depressants to take till after treatment and sleeping tablets  and it worked very well for me they were a life saver. I went medical and alternate and it was great you are much better when you have a plan of attack. I am nearly 6 years out and I had aggressive cancer

SharonDe

Kelly, I am sorry you are dealing with this.  Thinking good thoughts for you this morning.

It sounds like your medical team is being very pro-active, and that is good - trying to sort out which doctor to see, and waiting for appointments were the worst part for me. Your team seems to be on top of that already.  Remember to take a breath and slow down if things move too quickly, or if you want a second opinion.

Easier said than done, but try not to get ahead of yourself with what you will or won't do.  The idea of chemo is scary, but try to keep an open mind if that turns out to be a recommended part of your treatment plan. 

Wishing you the best.

april485

Just want to give you a big hug ((((Kelly))) You are a year younger than my daughter and this makes me feel so sad. But, you are young and strong and can do this, whatever they say must be done. Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers today.

lillaura22

Kelly - I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis, it is rough, I was 31 when I was diagnosed, now 32 and just finishing up with my treatment. I have to admit that chemo does seem scary, but it is not as bad as you think. I like you knew I wanted a bilateral mastectomy so I went for it. I did require chemo too - ACT.

I also like you am continuing my education - I am in my 4th year of my PhD so I understand you about chemo brain. During chemo I noticed times where I had chemo brain, but now I don't notice it as much ( I finished chemo in January). If you want to discuss more please PM me - I would be happy to share my experiences with you.

RainDew

hi Kelly,

Greetings from another 30-something. I am little older than you (39) but felt the same shock - and huge huge fear of cognitive decline (I have a scientific senior role). I also fear hair loss - in my case mostly because I don't want to 'look sick'.

Anyhow, I wanted to offer a different perspective from Kimmy - it has taken months for me to get my treatment plan together. I knew I wanted aggressive surgery, and I wanted to find the right breast surgeon and plastic surgeon. So it took a month between Dx and surgery. This was the worst time for me - lots of tests (MRIs, PET scan, node biopsies, genetic panel looking for BRCA). 

Then post surgery I have sought multiple opinions on treatment plan (chemo v tamox only) - it's a statistics game. I still haven't decided, but will need to choose by mid July.

My point is that women have very different experiences - some are rushed into tx, some take some time to decide what is right for them. Partly this is driven by Dx and tumor biology (I had a slow growing tumor) and partly by doctor preference.

Remember the decisions are YOURS not your oncs. 

Good luck, and let us know how it goes. Cancer sucks (and it really sucks to win the lottery in our 30s) but I can see here others get through it.

Rain

MomMom

Kelly,  My heart goes out to you.  This is the worst time - as my breast surgeon said, when you are first diagnosed, you feel like you are in free fall.  But when you have a treatment plan in place, you immediately feel more in control and get the feeling, "I can do this."  It's all doable.  Take care and know that many others are in your corner.

jc254

Kelly, you'll get through this.  I finished chemo almost a year ago.  I'm a CPA and worked fulltime throughout chemo.  It wasn't ideal, but it was manageable and I haven 't noticed any lingering chemo brain effects.  It's not at all silly to be worried about losing your hair, especially at such a young age.  Please check out the cold cap thread.  There may be a way to save your hair if chemo is necessary.  You'll find a great community of women here of all ages who offer advice, support and friendship.  We'll help you through it.

bluepearl

Kelly: I can understand your fear, even more palpable because your are so young. (make sure you get the genetic testing done as well). Chemo isn't what it used to be. Women still work while taking it. It would be great for you to discuss this with lillaura22. I was terrified the first diagnosis (din't need it), terrified on the second diagnosis (didn't need it but I actually was thinking I SHOULD get it...funny how your mind works). I am hoping you are hormone + so you can take tamoxifen, and if so, the oncotypeDX which would determine if you needed chemo or not (despite size). Even if it is an aggressive for,. like triple negative, chemo works BEST on them! (((HUGS))))

Mouche

Kelly, I just want to say I'm so sorry you have to go through this and just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. (Hugs).

BabyRuth

Kelly-sending you hugs and prayers.  I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  You have found a great support system here at BCO.  Let us know what your find out after your visit with the oncologist today and what your treatment plan will be. 

mdg

I am so sorry Kelly.  This is the hardest part.  I am praying for you to have faith and strength as you will need it in the coming months.  Take it one step at a time.  Get a copy of your pathology report so you understand everything and can ask questions.  I wish you luck.  Sending hugs!!!

Nancy2581

Hi Kelly,

I am very sorry you got this news.  I too received this news just two weeks ago.  I've been ok during the day, but have trouble sleeping at night. The not knowing and waiting is awful.  Mine is IDC.  I do not know the stage.  The little creepy thing is still there, but I am having a lumpectomy on Tuesday.  I am scared it has traveled to the lymph nodes.  I hope you are doing ok.

Nancy

Cammychris

Hello, I want to first of by saying I am sorry you are going through this, it sucks!!!!  I am 34 years old and was dx in April.  I have taking this crappy situation and have tried to see the positive. I really do not remember the person I was before being Dx and can not tell you how I have changed but can tell you I KNOW I am a better person.  I am absorbing everyday and no longer take little things for granted.  My prognosis looks good today I will find out if I need chemo(onco score) but finding this website has been god sent for me.  I can not imagine going through all this without all the love, time and education that these women/men have provided.  I am sure your head is swinging but know that most of us have been were you are and although everybody is different we can be here for you.  Gentle hugs((())))  Take care.

Nan54

Oh, Kelly, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here! Please know that you're not alone and that you will find lots of great information and support here. Just keep breathing and taking one step at a time... Good luck to you! 

Cuetang

Kelly--  sorry you had to join us here, and I hope you got some answers at your doctor's appointment.  Whatever it is, hair or no hair, you'll overcome it!  I was diagnosed at the same age as you last year...and I can't say that it has been easy, but all of us here can hopefully share our experiences and answer any questions you may have along your road to kicking BC to the curb.  There's a forum here at BCO with a thread of ladies in their 30s that you can check out, along with the Young Survival Coalition (YSC) ladies community forums as well.  Whatever the news it, HUGS!

Luvmydobies

Thinking of you and wondering what you found out yesterday. (((((HUGS)))))