Loss of my boobs as a source of pleasure

texaslonghorn31

Hi all - not sure if this is even the place to post this but I do know if anyone has been down this road before or has any suggestions it is here. 

I used to love my boobs. They were never big but they were mine and they were perky and they were a source of pleasure during sex. Now... mostly it is pain and sadness. I am almost four years out from DCIS, lumpectomy and 34 sessions of RADS that left me with so much scar tissue and ongoing pain that wearing a bra more than a few hours hurts and forget about the boobs being any source of pleasure anymore. And while it was only my right one that went through all this mess, it is like my left one gave up in protest or something too. I guess when you spend months having Dr's and techs and pretty much everyone at oncology look at, touch, draw on, tattoo, cut into and radiate you... you stop thinking as your boobs as a fun thing to have. It had been hoped that this many years out the pain would be gone.. but no.. for some reason I get to remain special and have the pain I do...my life goes on (and hey, at least I am still here and still HAVE my boobs which is more than many) but here is my problem...

My boyfriend. Who is very physical. We were together many year ago and broke up long before my cancer happened. We recently got back together after about six years. While he is a very sexually physical guy, he doesn't get that I don't want my boobs touched, played with, etc because the right one just flat out HURTS and he can't seem to touch the left one without then messing with the right one.. which then immediately turns me off and which in turn messes with our sex life. I also can't have any "bouncing" so to speak so either have to wear a bra during sex, prop myself up with a pillow, or something to make sure my stupid boob doesn't move. When it moves... pain.. then there goes any desire to have sex. It is ruining our relationship.  I don't care how my boob LOOKS... I am fine pretty much with my body and the visual aspects of all this... but it is the pain and loss of my breasts being even remotely sensual or sexual that I am struggling with. It alsmost makes me just want to give up and be alone to not deal with it.

Any advice?

simplelife4real

Hi Texas,

I just wanted to say you are not alone with breast/sexual problems after a LX.  I'm not experiencing as much pain as you are, but I did lose the sexual feeling in my left breast after my LX.  My right breast never seemed to have much feeling to it, so what used to give me great pleasure and really helped with orgasms isn't there anymore.  To my surprise, I still can have orgasms.....just takes a little longer.  I'm only a few months out from completing treatment, so I'm hoping that I might recover more sensation.  Like you, it hurts when my husband tries to stimulate that breast.    I'm also hoping that I might develop more sensation in the other breast.....I call it my "boob in training".    It is frustrating.  

I understand what you are saying about not wanting to be "jiggled"   I'm pretty small breasted so it's probably not as much of a problem for me as it is for you, but it was a big problem for the first month or so after surgery.  It really sounds like a sexy supportive bra is your best bet.    Wishing you the best...

Bren-2007

Hi Texas,

I really don't have any recommendations for you.  Just wanted to let you know I have the exact same discomfort, only on my left side.  Can't bear to have hubby touch it to this day, and my lumpectomy was 7 1/2 years ago.  I can hardly stand to have my regular breast exams on that side.  It really hurts.  And at this point, for me anyway, it's not going to get better. It is always going to hurt and be tender.

Sometimes I'll wear a camisole so that they're both covered up, but hubby sometimes forgets that the left one is the "bad" one and I have to remind him. 

I'm sorry to hear your relationship is being "ruined" because of this issue.  I wish your boyfriend would try to understand how you feel and have some respect for the pain it causes you.

Sending you hugs,

Bren

Jldolli

I am so glad to see this topic and know I am not alone.  I was diagnosed a year ago. I was single at the time and have recently started a relationship with a friend so he has been through all this with me. But the physical seems to be our big problem. It is not that it is painful but the emotional aspect of it is hard for me. I always liked my boobs before all this happened they were a set and I was hoping to keep them that way. I have to say hearing that I am not alone in the struggle of how to be physical and make it work sure makes me feel better