Not sure where to post

twoam

My sister is a triple negative/lumpectomy/chemo/radiation survivor, 5 years strong! I was recently diagnosed, and though it came as no surprise, I did not expect to feel so overwhelmed by all the decisions to be made. Forgive me for not using abbreviations, as I am not familar with all of them just yet. I am having a double mastecomy on June 18th. It was planned, that I would have a tissue expander, and all that follows. I was on the verge of calling my surgeon today, and asking if we could rethink the whole thing, that maybe I just want to go flat (I have always seriously considered this) when they called me, to ask if I had anything I wanted to talk about. I now have another appointment with my surgeon, to go over the ins and outs of, if I do not want any reconstruction at this time..what I want my chest to look like...if the PS will still be needed to make it look good (He and I have talked alot about dog ears, how I want my scars to look ect). Oddly my biggest concern right now is, if I go flat, I am not at all interested in prostetics. I am "wash and wear". I dont have time for that stuff. I am also hugly into SCUBA, swimming, and anything to do with water. I cant seem to find bathing suits that would compliment a flat chest. I have lost/maintainted a 90 pound weight loss over the past 6 years, so maybe I am being over sensitive to body image? I have been reading the forums on here for years, and maybe I already know the answers to my questions....maybe I just need someone to talk to. I dont know. I thank every single one of you beautiful ladies for your time!

farmerlucy

twoam - So sorry for the devastating news.  I totally get the idea of going flat. I didn't chose that mostly from pressure from my family, and while it is all good, I still wonder if that grass is greener on the other side. Physically my breast are probably my best asset now. No kidding - 3-d nips and all. But I still dislike the feeling of my pecs flexing. No pain,just a feeling of tightness. Check with the ladies on the no-recon sight, or at BreastFree.com (or is it org?) They are very helpful. If you are unsure you might talk to your surgeon/PS about delayed reconstruction options. Whatever you decide I wish you an uneventful surgery and quick and complete healing. 

Infobabe

No one can advise you.  It is such a personal decision.  

I have read and thought about this a lot in the event I need more treatment.  I have no doubt that I would not go with reconstruction.  The question is, how attached are you to your breasts?  Younger woman are more concerned because of appearance, partner, what others think. etc.  If you are older, as I am, these issues are way down on the importance scale.  I would just want to be functional with less pain and recovery time as soon as possible.  I guess what I am saying, are you more, or less influenced by what others think.

Moderators

Hello twoam, We are sorry for your news as well. In addition to the support that you will receive here you can check out this page on our website Choosing no reconstruction and also the many topics on the forum for those contemplating no reconstruction Going flat after mastectomy   Please check back and let us know how things go for you and welcome to this wonderful community of others who have a lot to give. The MOds

twoam

I have read all of these links, before I decided to post. Very good information. Maybe I am just having a hard time sorting it all out right now. Thank you for your help

BikerLee

hey there - i just wrote this piece in response to another person trying to figure out whether to recon or not recon.... perhaps you might find it helpful...  i am flat, and i'm very happy with that decision.  i've now been flat for just over two years (since feb 2012). ...

i chose to opt out of reconstruction. i did not want foreign objects implanted beneath my muscles, and i did not want the extensive surgery of the flap style surgeries. i'm flat, and i'm fabulous! not kidding!!!! there's a Facebook group called flat and fabulous, and we talk about all the pros and cons... some of us use prosthetics... some of us wander around flat as can be. some have experienced failed recon. some chose to opt out of recon from the very beginning. i'm in the latter category, and honestly, it's been quite freeing. and - believe it or not - some of my clothes look BETTER with my flat chest than they ever did when i had boobs.

***added note - i'm also wash and wear - i do not use prosthetics... sometimes, i wear a cami style undershirt...  but that's about it.

***second added note - the person i wrote this to was quite concerned about feeling feminine, which is why i wrote the next two paragraphs...

so.... if feeling feminine is important - please consider checking out flat and fabulous on Facebook. there's this one woman there who thrift shops like crazy, and she comes up with all kinds of lovely and feminine outfits. she does not wear prosthetics, and she's totes adorbs!!!!! i think consulting with a flat fashionista - a flatshionista? - like her might provide you some insight into how to achieve the femininity you want without having to go through all that surgery.

me personally? i'm not so feminine... but my waist is more apparent without boobs. i also get questions like - have you lost weight? strange... but fine! and tons of things are so much easier without boobs... like rolling over potholes on my bike or dancing with my child or even just jumping up and down here and there ... or jogging down stairs... or more. also - no bras! woot woot! can i tell you - it took me a few months to feel "safe" without a bra - i wore a little half-cami for a little while... but now???? awesome. and rolling over in bed? love that... just rolling over... i'm an athlete, and flat is definitely more convenient too.

so, if you really are considering flat, please just talk to other flatties! there are more of us than people realize. some docs would have us believe that recon is almost compulsory.... some of our family members might too. our friends too! but at the end of the day, it's what's right for YOU that matters most. in fact, it's the only thing that truly matters....

for me - flat is right. i have no regrets. i totally miss my nipples, but those would be gone with or without recon.

as a last point... i'm working on tattoos for my chest - working in things that are deeply important to me - my first addition is a piece of artwork by my child - right by my heart. he loves it, as it turns out. anyway... consider other ways that might lead you to find your comfort with your chest again. it may not require a 3d approach! perhaps 2d might work out? just a thought.

and ok - one more last point - ha ha... sorry. but, even if you opt out of recon... those prosthetics will always be there. you can choose your size based on the outfit... or you can wear something that requires no prosthetics at all! you have loads of flexibility... with none of the recovery.

please - greg - if melanie requests my email - send it to her. melanie - i would be DELIGHTED to talk to you more about opting out of recon. it is a real option, and many choose it. for me, it was definitely - without doubt - the RIGHT decision for me. is it the right decision for you? only you can figure that out... but i'd be happy to talk to you about why i feel i made the right decision for me... and why i - deep down in my heart - continue to KNOW that it was the right decision for me.

hugs and kind regards,

lee

twoam

Good Lord. Such wonderful responses, in here, and in private. You have no idea how much, each and every response means to me...oh wait, yes you do! I am in a situation where I have no one to talk to, or refer to. Its not a sad situation, but rather my sister and I decided to not tell my mom, because she is dealing with my dads alzhiemers, and she would feel obligated to come take care of me, as she did with my sister (we all live 1000's of miles apart). I havent told my friends, because I am afraid they will let it slip to my mom. I had to tell my work supervisor for obvious reasons. I am very grateful for all of you. BikerLee, I found F&F on facebook before I got the nerve to post on here. Waiting to be accepted. Your post is awesome. Made me laugh and cry for so many reasons. I am sorry for babbling. I contribute it to finally being able to tell someone.

BikerLee

awwww - that's sweet of you to say.... 

it is hard...  

twoam

PS office just called and said that if I was reconsidering reconstruction, I should let them know as soon as possible, because someone else might be able to get my surgery spot. NO PRESSURE OF COURSE. I have an appointment with my surgeon next week to explore this option, and was intitally told that it was ok to think about it, and it would not interfere with the PS schedule. So tired.

BikerLee

girl - you take your time and DON'T feel guilty about it....  someone will snap that spot right up on that surgeon's schedule even if you choose to cancel on the later side.  

Infobabe

That's the problem, isn't it?  Pressured to hurry up with a decision without the time to digest all the new information zooming at you.   Reconstruction can be done much later if you want to.  You probably wouldn't want to.  Personally, I felt I was being railroaded.  It took 6 weeks of healing from surgery that gave me time to think.

Rosiesride

Awwww...good luck with all of this decision making...I am 54 and recently decided to keep lumpectomy..however, in the event I was faced with another bc down the road, or if I just can't live with the worry of exams etc....I would choose flat...but my boobs have always been small and I am at a different spot in life perhaps ...it is truly so personal....BUT... you definitely should not feel pressure due to scheduling at the PS office!!  I wish you peace with whatever you choose...Rosie 

lisa137

I personally would  not choose reconstruction right NOW if I wasn't 100% sure about it. You can do it later when you ARE sure.

ruthbru

Do NOT be pressured into doing anything right now. This is too big a decision to be rushed into because it fits somebody else's schedule better!!!!!!!

twoam

Thank you all for the advice. Sure helps to be able to discuss things with people who understand what is going on. It made me feel like the wagons have circled around me lol. I am going to wait until I talk with my surgeon again next week. If the BS surgeon cannot wait until then, for a definate decision, then so be it. I have mostly been reading about people who are not pleased with reconstruction, so today I will try to read some positive outcomes. Thank you all again so much. You are wonderful.

twoam

There are so many decisions to be made, on top of my daily routine. My husband recently had hip replacement surgery, that resulted in peroneal (sp?) nerve palsy. Trying to take care of him, do my job, research, prepare, deal with emotions, quitting smoking for surgery, decide on reconstruction or not, pay bills, paper work for short term disability thru work, while I am out, love my 9 dogs (7 permies, 2 fosters) and my turtle, Clarence. Yes, turtles do need love To hell with Calgon, I need wine!

twoam

If mods would like to delete this thread, I am all for it. I have kind of figured out where to find/post things now. Random threads just make it hard for other new people to figure out what they are looking for. Love you all!