Is it me?

Kayce234

So I'm trying to figure out if I'm crazy - my shrink and people around me don't think I am but no one can get me to understand the action of others and it's making me nuts.  When I was diagnosed my sisters daughter and husband said some not so nice things to me - after meeting with a therapist through the hospital i ended up sending them a note saying I needed support or they needed to step out of my life.  They, my sister and their other daughter all choose too step out of my life (and for some reason my mothers).  I was floored, normal people in my mind would respond by saying "I'm so sorry I hurt you, I didn't mean too" and that would be the end of it, but almost 3 yrs later and nothing from them - well my brother in law met with my husband but my hsuband got no where with him - he seems to think he shouldn't have to apologzie and everything he said was "sorry but..." So with all that stress from going to family gatherings waiting for them to show up - which they never did - I decided once I saw a reply they were actually going to an event that it was not healthy for me to be anywhere they might be so when family gatherings happened I stopped going.  In the process it has turned all of my extended family against me - for some reason they have sided with my sister and her family and I'm the bad guy - all I really did was get cancer and try and protect myself.  My husband did yell at my brother in law - which he has apologized for and I did tell my niece she was spoiled rotten and self absorbed - which I believe she is, probably shouldn't have said it the way I did but was provoked.

Leads us to today - I have reached out numberous times to my cousins asking to get together for sledding, dinner anything, any time and have had no response.  So I sent them an email that stated I loved them and missed them and explaining why I can't attend group events but that I would like to get together just us for no reason other than to see them and get the kids together.  The response --- a nice phone call from my cousin Scott who is clueless of the whole thing - saying lets get together this weekend (they never called), an unfeeling, unsincere email from his wife stating how busy she is and she heard her husband called me and finally a very sincere email from my cousin Karen stating she's sorry I don't feel understood or heard and that she can't see away we could get together that would be "natural and positive".

Is it me or are all these people not normal?  Who sides with people who hurt others?  Who response to an email that says I've tried to reach out, I love and miss you and I want you in my life by saying no when all the person has done is tried to sheild themselves from pain??  From what I hear my sister is now shaving her head for kids with cancer and everyone thinks its so amazing - I find it kind of sick, you abandond your sister when she HAS cancer but now you want to shave your head for strangers?

I've tried to move on and let it go, but the pain is becoming unbearable - not being able to understand why people are doing what they are doing.  For years I dealt with bad treatment from my family because my Father "made me" - he would always say "Kristen just ignore it, Kristen they are just jealous"  and because I loved my father more than life itself, I did what he said and I took it.  After he died, there was no one to talk me through it, no one to 'make me' deal with it and I decided I wasn't going to any longer - it was time for me to stand up for me and that's what I did.

By the way - my sister and her daughter read everything I write on this board and use it against me - my sister wrote me a 3 page letter in response to things I said here when I was diagnosed.  I've decided to still post here because I need all of you.