Good day

2timer

I was dx with my 2nd BC (1st was dcis in 2007), July 2nd 2013.  I was so muddled emotionally at the time that I waited almost 2 months to have the bmx surgery with immediate reconstruction on 8/28/13.  After that DD chemo for 14 weeks; my last Taxol was on 1/30/14.  I worked through the first half of chemo then stayed home for the 2nd half.

I lost all of my hair (kept a few hairs until the end of chemo when I went totally bald).

I was weak and had problems with my digestive system that were worse than the effects of chemo.  I also developed some mild neuropathy in my feet that hasn't resolved.

Even though I was in "battle mode", i.e. keeping myself together and doing what I had to do to get through treatment, I was often depressed and frightened.  Quite frankly I still am at times.

Anyway, I went back to work a couple of months ago and I'm slowly getting back my strength -- I'd say maybe 90% of it is back.  Today I decided that I would not wear my wig to work anymore because I hated it, even though people told me I looked fine.  My head is covered with about an inch of hair that is going everywhere.  I got so many compliments on my hair that I'm now wig free!!  It's a little thing but it marks a big step for me.  I am beginning to feel that life is beginning to return to normal (a bit).  Don't get me wrong -- my life will never be the same after what I've gone through, but little things like going without a wig, working full time, being strong enough to do chores/activities that I did before treatment makes me feel like it's over and I am moving on.  

I still think about cancer (especially recurrence) a lot but I am beginning to feel that I made it and that things will continue to get better.  I guess what I am trying to say is that THINGS DO GET BETTER.  You can get through this and make it to the other side.  Somehow taking off that wig and wearing my "real" hair has really made me feel like I am going to be alright.  I know I don't know what the future holds and I know I will always deal with the aftermath of treatment in some form.  But I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter and that I am close to settling in to my "new normal".

Hang in there and have a good day today!

vlnrph

Yes, and having survived the extreme winter most of us had makes nice days so much better. The little things really do add up and become significant. 

If tomorrow seems like "two steps forward, one back", know that this too shall pass.