Adoption and Cancer

LtotheK

Hello, friends,

I just celebrated four years since my diagnosis. I was a Stage I ER+ patient who did TC chemo and radiation, and now am in year four of Tamox.  Everything has been stable, despite the fact they seem to love to hunt out calcifications in my breasts.

My husband and I may be adopting.  I am experiencing PTSD thoughts: that I will adopt, and immediately get diagnosed with cancer again.  I would love to hear positive stories to guide my way a bit.

Thanks!

yensmiles

Hi LtotheK,

I'm sorry to hear of the PTSD thoughts.

This is not the positive  story you like to hear, though I was curious when I saw the topic, and know that one of the side effects of the chemo drugs is infertility. Hope this isn't a too personal question: did chemo affect your fertility or you just prefer adoption?

I'm asking cos that's a concern for me, that i might not be able to have children of my own if I want to in future.

Jelson

LtotheK - 

Are you afraid that you are jinxing yourself by taking a step which assumes that you have a future?  that you are greedy for too much happiness and will have to be punished?

sorry, but it doesn't work that way.

My husband and I adopted our daughter  and then three years later, our son. Both were "international independent" adoptions  which meant we worked through adoption facilitators here in the US and with attorneys in Mexico and Brazil, we did not work with an adoption agency in the US, but we got our home study through an adoption agency here. As sometimes happens, nothing is happening and then suddenly, bam - instead of a baby from Chile, we were adopting from Brazil - everything had to be translated again, this time into Portugese - much excitement! during which time I decided I really need to get my hoarse voice/sore throat checked - turns out I had a thyroid nodule which was suspicious. My mom was all take care of yourself, forget about this baby. My question to my husband was, are you willing to raise two children by yourself. He said yes so off we went. I was scheduled to have my thyroid removed like the day after we returned to the US, I canceled that and rescheduled for a month later. All has turned out fine and here we all are 25 years later.   

On these boards I have read the stories of many women who had young children when they were diagnosed, others have chosen to get pregnant after bc treatment, and some have been pregnant when diagnosed and treated and who have given birth to healthy babies.  If you do get bc again or have a car accident or whatever, it will be different because it will no longer be all about you, your child will have to come first. 

I say go for it!!

LtotheK

Guess what, I am back on the boards after three months of full time care for our beautiful son. This was one of the smartest replies I ever read, Jelson. I am so happy you have had what sounds like such an extraordinary life.  Life is a miracle and disaster all in one--once you realize it and jump, it's so much easier.

Jelson

LtotheK - 

Thank you very much for posting. Hip Hip Hurrah! All happiness to you and your family. You made my day!

Moderators

LtotheK, Thanks for the update and congratulations. All the best to you and your family. The MOds

noonrider

Hi there. I'm a 4 time adoptive mom. All my adopted kids are from Serbia. I was diagnosed two days after bringing home our last child in March. Serbia was an independent process until April 1st of this year. I now work for Hopscotch Adoption Agency and am their Serbian family coordinator. For international adoption every country has their own requirements when it comes to considering a previous cancer diagnosis. I work very closely with the Serbian adoption authorities and they are very much a "case by case" country. 

As for us, we are done now. We have 5 kids at home with Down syndrome (my bio daughter and our 4 Serbian kids.) We almost didn't do this last adoption because of other issues. And here we are, 4 1/2 months after coming home I've been through two surgeries and chemo, getting ready for BMX and reconstruction next month, plus all the stuff in the next 6 months (fills, exchange, another surgery in Oct, etc) If you're considering international adoption then you just need to find out which countries have make case by case decisions with a previous cancer diagnosis. Best of luck to you. Adoption can be a wonderful thing! It is not all roses, there is some hard work involved, but it is so well worth it. 

LtotheK

Okay, Leespring, what a coincidence!! I have worked in Serbia for 14 years, and considered adopting from there, but was told it is impossible. Wish I'd talked to you sooner, but we are more than thrilled with our child who was so clearly the one for us.  And because I work so often in Serbia, he has a Serbian godmother I hope he will see next year. 

To the point of hard work, I agree with you. I feel like my life was always a little extra hard work, cancer included. Our baby is sitting in his swing laughing as I write. 

And to the question of adoption: my husband and I were both raised in activist families.  Even when I was more fertile than I'd ever wished for pre-cancer, adoption was always our choice. For those concerned with fertility, I was 39 at diagnosis,and was in chemopause for two years. Everyone said there was no chance of a rebound, then two periods, and still quite strong estrogen. The stats just don't quite predict in the young community, the younger you are, the less likely you'll go into full menopause. There are so many issues in this area, though.  In fact, it's widely believed for the ER+ cancers they WANT you in menopause, which is what some doctors believe the value of chemotherapy is in young women.

There are options for egg harvesting, surrogate--you know all that, but cover the bases so you can keep your choices!