Angry and scared

leggo

Fair might be the wrong word. Can't think of the right one. Here's my issue......you have a Stage IV poster who states that only her stage is allowed on the forum. That's ok, I guess. But that same member sees nothing wrong with going on all other forums to antagonize, flame, belittle and generally make people feel bad. I don't know the word for that (well in my head I do) and I by no means want to insinuate that anybody but those two members did that. the majority are nice people.

I think I'm going to let the issue go now. It really never goes anywhere. 

ETA: Hypocritical seems like a good word (in all its definitions).

Wabbit

It never ceases to amaze me when people start in with the "why can't I post on the Stage IV forum" stuff.  Really?  It's been explained a gazillion times that their issues, treatments and lives are different from those of us with earlier stages of breast cancer.  All they have asked for is one forum where they don't have to risk dealing with people blundering in without understanding that and making inappropriate comments.  They deserve that and it does not harm the rest of us one bit.

I'd bet all the money I have that, if possible, each and every one of them would gladly trade places with any earlier stager who would take their Stage IV cancer and the right to post there in exchange for an earlier stage and being 'left out'.   And many of the Stage IV members do post in other areas and interact with their other friends elsewhere on the board.  This is a non-problem IMO.    

CelineFlower

I don neccesserily t support us being able to post on their threads...

but the rules and the way the forum is set up (an easy techioe change that the mods still refuse to do) ALLOW ALL MEMBERS to post on ANY forum.

so ya.. the "unwritten rule" is hypocritical imo

ziggypop

 ... It's just a simple thing. Just do these people the courtesy of not posting on those threads. I don't understand the big deal. 

Leggo - I wasn't here whenever it was that those things happened - but there seems to be a reporting system in place now so if somebody from any thread is harassing anybody on another thread there's no doubt that it needs to be stopped regardless of what stage that person is. 

leggo

Deleted....decided my two cents isn't necessary.

CelineFlower

you think this is a question of curtosy?

its a bit more complicated then that

AmyQ

Did I really just read "play the stage IV card?" Oh my God I am so incensed I can hardly see straight!

OMG 

Wabbit

Celine ... There is nothing complicated or hypocritical about asking board members to respect the space and needs of others.  And that is all this is.  They certainly do not need others popping in and wagging a finger at them for how they happen to feel, or post, or think.  Or derailing their threads. 

How about not worrying about the one door (forum) that is shut and instead just being grateful that we don't 'qualify' to walk through that door any time we feel like it.    

CelineFlower

again..you think im aiming my suggestions at stage 4 people.. you are wrong..

as for the stage 4 card comment... i meant it in regard to no discrimination at BCO... not in reference to anyone in perticular. if it offended, i am sorry , that was not the intent..

colorful use of language seems to be at the center of this debate..

CelineFlower

freedom of speech is  dead at BCO...if this issue doesnt get addressed.

exbrnxgrl

Wabbit, thanks. If some choose not to respect the stage IV space, that's their choice. Thankfully, the vast majority do respect that and those who do occasionally post in stage IV are mostly very considerate. It seems to be working fine for most stage IV members. Will it be perfect for all? Not likely. 

Celine, if you want to direct your efforts toward getting the mods to change this, through a vote or whatever means is agreed upon, then you should do so.

FOR SALE, CHEAP- one stage IV membership  

(This is written facetiously! Just the part about the membership card)

AmyQ

If it makes you feel better, post away!!!! 

Wabbit

Celine ... Oh for heaven's sake ... drama much??  The center of this debate seems to have become digging a hole even deeper trying to get out.  Or win.  Or control.  Or whatever. 

JeninMichigan

Discrimination = the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things.    You are not Stage IV and are kindly requested not to post on this part of the forum.   See you don't have Stage IV b/c and there is nothing unjust about asking you not to post in this forum.    Stage IV patients ARE a different group.   We are able to get into our 401Ks without penalty, we can get accelerated death benefits on our life insurance, etc.   Lots of things early stage cancer patients can't.   It is a different group.    You don't belong posting there because you cannot relate and your posts clearly shows it.   You finished treatment and we never will.   We are all good with anyone reading what we write but our feelings shouldn't be subjected to ridicule by someone who doesn't get it.   Nor should we have to waste our energy being subjected to this type of encroachment.   It is just common decency and respect.   We do not go into the groups threads where people are being just diagnosed and scare them with statistics and stories.   It started to be just a Stage IV section because so many early stage women were coming scared of mets and asking if this or that sypmtom could be mets.  Did we have this kind of symptom.   That is not the point of this forum.     It is just respect.  Why is that so hard for you to accept?     

Jen

CelineFlower

exgrl what do you think im trying to do? i am posting my opinions and suggestions to help EVERYONE here... and all you seem to give is the reasons im wrong...

im trying to make a god damn difference ... sorry if that bothers you

the sarcasm isnt lost.. it shine a light on true colors

CelineFlower

"

Discrimination = the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things."

I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT STAGE 4... geez

the discrimination is AGAINST  all bco members who r not stage 4

sorry Jen but this is a hard subjects pls try to read what i type... and not make ASSUMPTIONS

CelineFlower

we are still discussing me and my values..

try not to judge me and i will try to not judge you..

try hving a debate over this instead of attacking me personaly

JeninMichigan

Celine 

You read my post wrong.    I don't think Stage IV women at all are discriinated.   You are also not discriminated against because it is NOT unjust that you are not to post in the Stage IV forum.   There are very valid reasons why you shouldn't.   You don't qualify and it isn't discrimination because it is just and without prejudice.   Same reason you can't park in the handicap spot.  You are not discriminated.  You simply don't qualify.   You shouldn't sit in AA meetings if you are not an alcoholic.    Different but the same.    If I were you I would celebrate the fact that you aren't supposed to be there instead of creating a stink.  Just have some respect.    You can't understand someone's anger about Amy R. because you aren't in the same frame of reference.  Why such a production about it?  Be happy and move on. 

Jen

exbrnxgrl

Celine,

Except for the small bit at the end, which I clearly identified, sarcasm is not my style.  I'm not telling you that you're wrong, simply stating my opinion. Furthermore, I am totally sincere in saying that if this issue is so important to you that you should go through the proper channels to try to effect change. It may happen it may not but at least you will have tried. My true colors rarely include sarcasm or facetiousness. 

Moderators

Dear Members,

We have reviewed the comments here and we are maintaining the guidelines for posting that are currently in use. We have set up a large number of forums in our discussion boards to allow members to meet and talk with other members with similar diagnoses, issues, life circumstances, geographic locations, age ranges, etc. The reason for this is because members have found it most helpful to talk with others who are closely matched in terms of the variables. Stage IV is no different. We have added a specific caveat to the description of the Stage IV forum per request of several members (including non Stage IV members). We ask that that people please respect that this forum is for Stage IV members only or those posting on behalf of a Stage IV patient. There is a separate forum for Stage IV Caregivers/Family in "Support and Community Connections”. We have NOT made this forum private for the reasons stated earlier that we do not want to add any additional barriers for women and men needing information and support. However, we do agree that the needs of Stage IV women and men ARE unique, and it can cause an additional level of stress when non-stage IV members post their worries or questions on these topics. We can all read, and learn from one another. If someone wants to give a special hug, or supportive word of encouragement, this is always welcomed. Otherwise, the needs and feelings of the various groups are truly unique and thrive well with compassion and understanding. 

Every day our members are using common sense and respect in selecting where and what they post: e.g. Seventy year old members are not posting and commenting in the 30 year old forums; Those who receive strength and guidance from spiritual/religious threads, are not necessarily posting in the atheist thread; Those with Stage IV are not necessarily posting in the Stage I forum (and vise versa). 

At this point we think it makes most sense to close this thread.

Thanks for your understanding. 

The Mods

MelissaDallas

"the discrimination is AGAINST  all bco members who r not stage 4"

No, that is your interpretation - I do not feel discriminated against whatsoever and you do not represent me in this.