mother diagnosed.... but i live across the world

tomtom

Hi Everyone,

My mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and last week had a masectomy.

I live half way across the world, so unfortunately being there every day will impossible.

I do plan to visit, my question, since this is a very new world for me, what about my kids.  When i fly in should i bring my little kids to visit their grandmother, or too much and wait till after radiation and chemo.  

On the one hand, it is obviously important for them to visit, but on the flip side, i dont want it to be to overwhelming for both my mother or the kids.

Any advice???

RebzAmy

Hi Tomtom, 

sorry to hear about your mother.  I would say yes you do bring the kids because I'm sure that would cheer your mother up no end.  While somebody is having chemo though, they may not feel that great but may feel okay some or most of the time.  Maybe be guided by your mother and ask her.  Waiting until after chemo and rads is a long time.  

When I was having ops and chemo, I welcomed visitors but found I tried easily so could you bring the kids and let your mum see them for short amounts of time when she's up to it and then maybe have them looked after on days she's not up to it.

I don't know what the circumstances would be - so if you're staying with her, then it may be too much for her but if you're not then I personally think bringing the children is very good idea.

AmyQ

TomTom,

First of all, welcome.  I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation with your mother being so far away. As a mother and grandmother, I would very much welcome a visit from you and your children.  Even though she will be tired and might experience side effects that are tiring or limiting, GO...visit her, help her physically and emotionally.  Your presence will be so uplifting and truly healing for her.  I don't know if you have other family near her but if so, perhaps you can stay with them so you have the ability to leave your mom's when she's worn out.  Otherwise, even if you have to stay with her, she will welcome the visit.  Good luck!  Keep us posted on how she's doing.

Amy

encyclias

tomtom, I certainly sympathize with your situation.  How old are your children?

Carol

mjm1

Hi Tomtom,

So sorry to hear you are in this situation. If in doubt, ask her too.

Best wishes.

pajim

Hi tomtom, if she's having chemo every two weeks, go visit on the second [off] week.  She'll be over the major side-effects by then.  If you go whilst she's having radiation, fatigue (and skin issues) from that tend to be cumulative so go in the early days. 

Regardless, yes pay a visit and bring your kids.  That said, check with your Mom first.  She may be one of those people who doesn't want anyone around while she's being treated.  That's not uncommon.