The Husbands Corner(for family, friends, boyfriends, ect.)

Homehelp

day by day we plough through

BTW. I'm a urologist if you have any questions feel free to message me

ragman

Homehelp, good to know. I'm good, had surgery (robotic, Dr Ash Tewari Mt Sinai, NYC) a year ago January, and as of last January at the one year mark my PSA was undetectable. Negative margins, no ECE, NEG LYMPH NODES, G7(3+4) (upgraded fro g6 on biopsy) and 5% involved by tumor, so I'm hopeful

I only wish there was a marker for breast cancer that was as reliable (for recurrence) as PSA. Seems like CA15-3 is not that reliable, from what I've read

Homehelp

Sounds great for you

Did my training years ago at Beth Israel on 17th street

Markers as you say are not so specific for breast cancer

Stay in touch

Srh242

29 years sounds Great!, I'll take it😊

Fvcast75

Hi all,

My wife was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in September, when I took her to the ER for a fall one night. She had been feeling a pain in her lower back and thought it might be due to bending over awkwardly to pull something out of the oven. The pain began to radiate down her right leg, so she thought she might just be feeling the symptoms of a sciatic nerve pinch from the back pain and decided to take a day to rest. The day of rest turned into a week and then her neck and shoulders started to hurt, a lot. She kept saying it was because she was in bed all day and that it would get better. The pain in her neck turned out to be a tumor pressing on the spinal cord, causing pain in her shoulders and weakness in her limbs. This resulted in the fall. The next day, I took her to the ER.

After a day of scans and labs, we have a conversation with the oncologist. H is certain that it is metastatic breast cancer that is presenting in her spine. C4 was completely destroyed by the cancer and she needed emergency surgery to address that, or she would not be walking very soon. The other lesion is on her L4 vertebrae and caused a stress fracture, which is still causing her terrible pain.

We did not have insurance while at the hospital because we couldn't afford the premiums. I have signed up through ACA, but that doesn't go into effect until January. She has applied for assistance through Harris Health and had to make an appointment to establish care before she could get a referral to see an oncologist. I have all the information regarding the recent diagnosis from the hospital in hand at the appointment, but that wasn't enough. The pathology of the tumor removed in her surgery came back inconclusive twice, but labs for the tumor marker came back elevated. The doctor was in agreement that she needed to consult with an onc, but could not refer her to one because the pathology report came back inconclusive. While all this is going on, we are still waiting for feedback on her application for SSI.

I was laid off from a great paying job with amazing insurance last spring. I finally found a job this past summer, but making lest than half of what I was previously. She had a small business out of the home, selling hand made journals and notebooks. With her unable to make anything right now, we are short that income.

I am frustrated. With myself, with cancer, with bureaucracy. Right now, without insurance, we need something like $10,000 to get a consult with an onc. I think I am doing something wrong, but we have been assured that we are taking all the correct steps and just need to be patient. How patient? Wait for the records I brought to her appointment to be scanned in to their system (7-14 days), for the records to be evaluated. It took a month to get the appointment. Will it take that long to get the referral? By the time that has been done, the insurance through the ACA will have kicked in. We will have to go through all this again. See a primary and hope to get a referral for an onc. Will this take another two or three months?

Throughout all of this, my wife has been strong. Determined to stay positive. There are days, though, when it's difficult. The other day after the appointment to establish care and nothing to show for it, but reassurances from me that she will eventually get the care she needs was a difficult day.

lilyp6

FVcast75,

I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. I wish this thread had more activity, because sometimes it can be easier to be the patient than the caregiver. I hope you get some answers as soon as feasibly possible. Once you have those details, please consider reaching out on one of the more specific boards. I have seen several posts by husbands who ask to participate on different threads. In my opinion, their contributions have been helpful to themselves, and to us.

Fvcast75

lilyp6,

Thank you. I have found a lot of useful information on this discussion board (which I have shared freely with my wife). I am on the lookout for a group that I can discuss these stresses with someone who has been through this.

RosieG

FVcast75,

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's illness and the difficulties you've had with insurance. It sounds like your wife has a strong attitude to the situation, and I'm sure that by battling through the bureaucracy on her behalf, you're taking a lot of the burden off of her. It's incredibly frustrating to deal with all the phone calls and paperwork that goes along with the illness, and it's wonderful that you're fighting through it all while giving her time to focus on resting. I hope you can find a caregiver support group or something similar in your local area - caregiving encompasses so many areas of loving someone with cancer, and it's definitely a good idea to seek out some support for yourself too.

Wishing you and your wife all the very best and a peaceful holiday period

Etxpiney

Hello, My wife 44 has brain mets and just had WBR and the doctor told her today she had 5 tumors still. He said she can't have radiation anymore so I'm not sure where they go from here. She was also diagnosed with caner on her tail bone. They want to start chemo on this.

I'm not sure what to do except be supportive and strong for her. It kills me to see the person who's my wife and also best friend and know that the odds aren't in her favor. Not sure how I'll ever deal with that. You have fun time but then reality always come back and its so hard to deal with. I've never not wanted the days to pass by like I do know. I always couldn't wait for something but not anymore. I'm trying to enjoy every single day I have with her. Anyway, I'm just rambling

Pmopmo

Hi Etxpiney,

My wife was diagnosed with BC this week. We don’t really know anything yet except that it’s also in the lymph nodes (how we stumbled upon it). My wife is 30 and our two kids both have bdays in the next month. I, like you, am trying to be as supportive as I can but am having trouble dealing with this huge life change. I find my mind wondering to worst case scenarios but am trying very hard to avoid this. I truly believe in the power of positive thinking. Im sending my positive vibes to you.

Clive82

feel you in exact same position as you it’s very hard and gut wrenching

Moderators

Dear Clive82,

Welcome to the BCO community. We are sorry for what you brought you here but glad that you reached out. Please let us know more of your story and how our members can be of support. The Mods

Outdoorstom1

My wife had triple negative breast cancer nine years ago. She wanted to be proactive and decided to have a hysterectomy and the afternoon before the surgery they were doing an ultrasound and found uterine cancer. The hysterectomy took care of that, but she went through chemo and radiation for the BC. Two weeks ago while investigating shortness of breath, a cat scan showed nodules too innumerable to count on both lungs. The report said "highly suspicious of metastatic disease" or "atypical microbacterial infection". Of course we were praying it was an infection. We went to Moffit in Tampa and met with an oncologist last Friday. He looked at the scan and said it's cancer, andhas spread from somewhere else. My wife has a PET/CT scan scheduled for Monday and a biopsy next Wednesday. We are beside ourselves....the waiting is the worst part.

edwards750

I am so sorry you guys and your wives are dealing with this insidious disease.

I went in for an exam because I had a pain in my back I thought was due to lifting my twin 2 year old grandsons. During the course of the exam the PA ruled out pneumonia from a blood test they did while I was there but she said one of my lungs was not all clear. I didn’t have shortness of breath but I do have constant allergies. Regardless she ordered a chest X-ray and found lots of lung nodules. She said I needed to go to the Cancer Clinic where I had my treatment the next day. I said I would wait for they radiologist report. She said he would agree with her. He didn’t.

I got a call the next day that the radoologist said my chestX-ray was normal. He was very detailed in his report. Needless to say I didn’t make an appointment with my oncologist.

In Tennessee where I live a lot of people have them because a virus of some sort transmitted by birds. Bizarre but true.

I hope the oncologist is wrong and it is an infection and not the cancer spreading.

Praying for both of you guys. This is a difficult time but try and have faith. I’m 7 years out this August. No guarantees for any of us.

Diane

Outdoorstom1

Thank you, Diane. We're praying and hoping for the best. Your story gave me a little encouragement.

Daniel86

Hi everyone!

I, too am a husband in y'all's same boat! My wife was diagnosed with BC a few days ago. She is 39 and had lymphoma 12 years ago. Needless to say, it was a rude awakening to find out that cancer is back with a vengeance somewhere different. She is absolutely devastated, most of all because doctors have keep saying for weeks her lump looked suspicious but nothing more. They are going to finalize her cancer staging next week and I am deathly afraid it has spread everywhere due to her random pain all over her body. We already know it's at least in her armpit lymph nodes...

I can't bring myself to think about anything else and can't help but picture bad scenarios coming our way. We have a 6yo and I am simply petrified at the thought of existing without her

Daniele

CancerSurvivors271694

You do feel like you need a break sometimes when you are watching someone you love deal with cancer. It's just very hard to do while he is still trying to get through chemo and still faces radiation.

Daniel86

My wife's diagnosis turned out to be stage IV de novo. I wish I had more positive thoughts to add to this whole conversation but I am still processing.

Engine104

Hi guys,

Just checking in here. My wife is having a mastectomy next Tuesday. It's our third go -round with the this. She had a lumpectomy and radiation 22 years ago and then had acute leukemia 16 years ago. I really thought we were done with this, but I guess not.

In any case, I've been a caregiver twice previously and once again now, so I hope I can provide some insight.

All the best,

-Larry

Dedicated77

Hey everyone

I haven't been on this site for a while now.I started the Husbands corner when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer.I'm proud to say that after the Chemo, radiation and all the surgeries, we are over the 5yr hump.Me and my wife went through some life changing things.

The initial word that my wife of 1 yr had cancer was terrifying.I am in the Navy and immediately I flown home from the south china seas.My wife, god bless her, lied to me on the severity of the cancer.She told me it was stage 2.At this point I was scouring the internet trying to learn everything I could.She knows me too well.I attended her doctor's appointment and found out it was stage 3 C.14 out of 18 limp nodes positive. I remember how scared I was. But looking at her I could see the nightmare she was living.I know this sounds rough but bear with me.

She started chemo and boy she was a trouper.She elected to keep working though all that.It took all of her energy away and made her really sick all the time.She is a Special Ed teacher working with Mild to Moderate mental handicaps. Some of these kids are very dangerous.But she would miss a day.Even though her work offered her to take time off.

One day lying in bed and my wife got up and started her daily routine. I heard her crying in the shower.She was losing her hair.I immediately jumped in with her and took the longest shower ever.Later that day we shaved each other's heads.We figure might as well cut it off and not worry about it anymore than watch it come out strand by strand.We did this together and told our selves that this is not going to stop us.We can beat this.

Then came the radiation.That was a rough one as well.There were days I had to help her get dressed because the mega sun burn it gave her.The creams that the doctor proscribed helped out a lot.But we got through it.

We were given the option of removing the tumor or getting a mastectomy.She wanted to get the tumor removed but the recurrence chance was higher than just getting the mastectomy.We had long talks over what we wanted to do.Ultimately I pushed for the mastectomy.She was worried about how I would feel about this.I simply told her I married her…not her boobs.Besides I'm more of a legs kind of guy.And damn she has a set of legs..hehe.Sorry but she does.So she got the mastectomy done.

I would get up and help drain the drains coming out of her side.At this point I took on most of the daily chores around the house.I had to adapt and overcome.So when it came to cooking I used the BBQ quite extensively.Oh and get a slow cooker if you don't have one.They are amazing.You just put stuff in there and forget it.And bam… Dinner is served. Don't get me started on laundry.OMG.Right now I'm band from doing laundry.I'm not going to get into that story.But cleaning up 5 gal jug of laundry soap on the floor is next to impossible.

Our intimate life side of things was also a challenge.She was so self-conscious about her body.She just wasn't in the mood anymore.I have been in all the blogs and some of the stuff I have herd was sick.Guys leaving their wives over this.I just don't understand sometimes.Here is what WE did about this situation.We talked about it.she told me how she felt and expressed her fears about it.and I told her I like her..not her boobs.In case you haven't noticed I have a sense of humor.There isn't a day that goes by I don't try to make her smile.By the way when she does show you her breast.Support her fully. I told her the truth.She looks beautiful as ever.We did have to be careful because it was very sensitive in that area.After time she came to terms with it.And everything was kinda getting normal.

She later expressed that she wants reconstructive surgery.We talked to the doctor and weighed the options.Ultimately we went and got it done.Wow that was the hardest surgery yet.They did a tummy tuck and built a boob out of that.That took so long to heal.The wounds kept opening up on her but we got through it.

After all was said and done our life finally got back to somewhat of normality.I say it like that because through all these trials we went through.We learned never to take anything for granted and live our lives to the fullest.No regrets.We travel as much as we can.We cherish every moment together.We do everything together.Most of all…We follow our dreams.

Our relationship is easy to describe.We have been married for 7 yrs and it feels like we are in the dating stage.

I don't think the cancer made us stronger together.That was just the love we had for one another.But life can change in an instant.And never take the ones you love for granted.

Engine104

Hi Dedicated,

Thank you for sharing your story and for starting the Husband's Corner. I do wish this section was more active, it would have probably helped me deal with my wife's diagnosis and treatment last year. We, unfortunately, are not new to this, as i wrote last year. My wife finished chemo in September and is doing well.

The women on this site, especially in the April 2018 Chemo group are amazing warriors. I admire them all tremendously. They were very helpful and, thank goodness, welcoming to have a man join them.

If I can help anyone on here, please write.

All the best to you and your wife.

Dedicated77

Hey Engine104,

Thanks for posting in the Husbands corner. These women or anyone that has to endure these terrible trials are troopers. I do wish it was a bit more active. But there are a ton of support systems out there. Its good to just to have someone to talk too sometimes. I know when my wife was diagnosed. I didn't want to burden her with my worries and tried to stay positive in front of her. but it takes its toll after a while. so I made this place so I could vent and express my worries. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk or just BS about anything. I'm currently underway so It may take a couple of days to get back to you incase we turn off our emission. That means everything is off, including internet.

My hopes and prayers are with you. later boss.

Engine104

Hi Dedicated,

Thanks again for starting this place.

It sounds like you are currently deployed. My wife is an ex-Navy audiologist. She worked at the San Diego Naval Hospital back in the late 70's. Thank you for your service. Be safe.

vidal1993

Hello Everyone:

I am new to this topic, and want to say hello and offer support to all who post here. Hopefully we can get some conversation going.

Wow- can your life ever change in an instant.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer on June 3. It is Stage 2, and has metastasized to the lymph nodes. Her tumor is Grade 3. After her diagnosis, subsequent investigations revealed she also had thyroid cancer!

2 cancers at the same time!

On September 27, she underwent a lumpectomy, and a thyroidectomy. 2 of 2 lymph nodes were removed. She started chemotherapy on November 15, and has another infusion tomorrow. She is on the FEC-D regimen. She is 43 years old. She will have another surgery (axillary dissection) after chemo is done.

We have 2 daughters aged 7 and almost 5.

My wife's strength to this point has been inspiring. She is much stronger than I am, and resilient.

I find the hardest thing is concealing your fear from the children. We don't hide it from them, but don't dwell on it either. We say that mommy is doing what the doctors say and is getting better.

How are the husbands dealing with the lack of "ahem", intimacy? My wife is very self-conscious about her body now, and isn't the least bit interested.

Let's hear from anyone else who is going through this.