86 year old Mother with BC

LDN48

My 86-year old best friend and mother found a lump in her right breast in November.  Since then she's had biopsy, then lumpectomy with 3 nodes out (all negative!), a re-do excision because the margins were not as good as they should have been, and then another surgery to drain a hematoma the size of a mandarin orange.  All within 6 weeks.

Her IDC and DCIS is triple negative, grade 3, stage 1a, and she has declined chemo.  She is worried that the side effects would be too much (she already has peripheral neuropathy due to MS, has hypertension, and has had a couple of mini-strokes), and is worried about quality of life.  Her heart, faith, and courage are strong.  Wish mine was!

She still has my dad to help her.  We live 2 blocks from a good cancer center, and I work in another part of that building.  

I've taken her to all of her appointments (my boss is generous and understanding d/t being a serious cancer survivor herself), and now we are facing her radiation therapy (16 treatments plus the dry run with x-ray).

I'm just a few months away from retiring - sure wish it was now, as I really dread having to leave work every day for 3 weeks to get her and take her back home.  She can't walk the distance due to her MS pain. The simulation done last week was he$$ for me; they wouldn't let me in with her due to "policy" with no other explanation given.  I understand that visitors can't be there while the CT is running, but even though I asked nicely for why I couldn't be there with her, they were fairly abrupt about it.  I left to the bathroom where I cried my 65-year-old eyes out.  Her BS and nurse navigator and MO have been wonderful, even including a LE specialist in the mix.

Mom has some short-term memory issues and anomia from the strokes and I've been by her side the whole time to help her, and she feels she needs me there.

So now, what can we expect about her actual rad treatments?  I am sure I can't be with her during them due to the danger to me, but will I get to be with her when she sees the doctor, help her dress, etc?  Or should I just throw an invisible tantrum and go back to my desk (to accomplish nothing....) and leave her to the mercy of the clinic?

Any of you have experience walking this road with a very elderly mother?  And what about triple negative with no chemo?  

Sorry about the rant, perhaps I'll feel better another day!

globalgal19

Just noticed you didn't have any replies and hope all is well.  These are really tough decisions.  So sorry.

dunyana

Why exactly are you getting her all this treatment?  What are her goals?  Wouldn't it be smart to consider her comfort above all?

dunyana

Why exactly are you getting her all this treatment?  What are her goals?  Wouldn't it be smart to consider her comfort above all?

paulatkc

My 87 year old mom was diagnosed 4 years ago with BC.  She had lumpectomy and removal of two lymph nodes.  No chemo, but 33 rounds of rads.  I went with her each day, I was undergoing treatment of chemo myself, (for BC) hard to believe when I look back on it.  I went with her into the dressing room, helped her put lotions and salves to save her skin, and supported her in every way I could.  She went through it bravely and well.  She is still going strong, no recurrence or bad effects of the treatment.  She has advanced dementia now, and it is a distant memory for her.  Stay strong, she will gain strength from you being by her side, our docs were very kind and supportive of me being there.  Sorry you have had any poor experience with that in the past.  hope all is still well with you and your mom--