New and scared

Clarity

jennyboog

Clarity, we are here if you have any questions and concerns.  We've all been right where you are right now.  Just wanted to welcome you and let you know we're here for you.

dutchiris

Clarity....when you are ready...we are here.  We are here for you for anything you need to talk about or let out..and I mean anything, really anything.  There is no judgement here just a lot of love and understanding.

peacestrength

Jenny and dutch are correct.  When you are ready, reach out, we are here.

Clarity

Oh my, I am quite amazed that even though I deleted my post, I got three amazing responses! Thank you, than you, thank you. I guess I am still at the stage of acceptance which includes emotional ups and downs. It is scary and I am scared. I guess it all has something to do with realizing my own mortality than anything else. I was pretty healthy before I was diagnosed with breast cancer August of last year. My husband was away on deployment and I felt so alone. The military send him home though which was amazing. I just got done with mastectomy with 14 nodes positive out of 18 (which freaked me out). I still have so much to learn and understand. Maybe when I do, the emotional roller coaster will be regulated a little bit

I'm glad I found this website. I am not ready for a face to face support group. I would cry buckets and buckets of tears if I do that right now

dutchiris

You are very welcome and I'm glad you came back.  I'm so happy to hear that the military sent your husband home to you.  It IS scarey and I'm scared too.  I think this site is great.  People are here at all hours so you can talk and read here whenever you are up to it unlike support groups at a scheduled time.  We laugh here, we cry here, we talk and we listen.  Welcome Clarity.

hopefour

Clarity..so wonderful to hear from you. As the other sisters said, we are here for you and so know the motional ups and downs. When you feel lonely and just want to know that a group of sisters get where you are..come here!! I get the face to face support group thing, but you will feel like you are in one here without the face to face. Hugs to you!!!

jennyboog

Clarity....Thanks for coming back!  My husband was deployed at my dx. also, I was in Hawaii with no family with a 3yr and 18mth old.  I was 34 and was what I thought very healthy and with no family hx. of BC, I was caught so off guard.  I knew nothing about BC, it was that disease other girls got.  Facing my own mortality was so hard for me also, its a huge pill to swallow because nothing was going to happen to me, I was going to live forever...boy, did I get humbled fast.   I've now come to realize we are all dying everyday most of us just don't think about it until we're face to face with it and BC didn't change that, it was just my first face to face situation.  I tried a support grp and it didn't work for me personally...I was the youngest there and had the worst dx of them all so I found what I needed right here.  I'm so happy you came back, I was worried about you .  We're always here, feel free to private message me anytime if you need to.  You can do this! 

sbelizabeth

Clarity, what you describe about the emotional roller coaster after diagnosis is common to us all.  I would find myself sobbing at random moments.  It was a challenge to turn my mind around when it started wandering into the dark zones.  A friend who was also a BC survivor told me about developing a mental "delete button."  

When I start thinking "what if...?" I hit the mental delete button...DELETE, DELETE, DELETE...and it helps turn me around.

I, too, tried a support group and it just wasn't for me.  Sharing with others here has been beyond helpful.  My support group meets 24/7, all over the world.

All the best as you ride over this big old speed bump.  You'll be on the other side of it before you know it.

Clarity

I am so glad that I can post my worries/concerns here and the people who will be reading are the ones who truly understand. I will be starting radiation next week (or as soon as my surgeon gives the go signal) and I will take it from there. Everyday, I look and stare at my husband, my daughter, our dog and tell myself, there's no way I will leave you guys right now....I will fight 'till the end....then true enough, I'll burst out crying (talk about being a warrior huh? ).

@jennyboog - You're a very strong woman. Having a three year old and an eighteen month old when DX is very scary. We are here in San Diego and I must say that the Balboa Naval Hospital is such a complete facility and the staff are marvelous. Are you still in Hawaii?

@dutchiris - thank you for being so nice. As I can see, we were both diagnosed at the same year. Sorry but I do not like 2013  It was a tough year not just because of BC.

@hopefour - big ((((hugs)))) back to you

@sbelizabeth - maybe I'll try the "delete button" strategy if you don't mind?

Sorry for all these funny faces I'm clicking. It's just one way for you guys to have an idea how I feel while I'm typing this response. By the way, what does HER2  stands for? I was negative but I don't know the importance of either a negative or a positive. Yes, I was not listening while my doctor was explaining everything. It was information overload.

Sam2U

Welcome and I'll second your thought that 2103 was a tough year here too, but I plan on growing old and having many more great years to make 2013 forgettable.

sbelizabeth

Clarity, HER2-positive breast cancer is a breast cancer that tests positive for a protein called human epidermal growth factor receptor 2 (HER2), which promotes the growth of cancer cells. In about 1 of every 5 breast cancers, the cancer cells make an excess of HER2 due to a gene mutation. This is a gene mutation that occurs only in the cancer cells and is not a type of mutation that you can inherit from a parent.

HER2-positive breast cancers tend to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancer, but they can be treated with a targeted therapy, called Herceptin.  

My cancer was HER2-negative, and my sister's was HER2-positive.  She finished her Herceptin just after Christmas and is doing well.

AndreaJ50

Hi Clarity, this can be your soft place to fall!!!  

I just wanted to tell you that I keep meeting people who have kicked cancer's butt. But one story stands out to me. I had just had my first lumpectomy (and didn't know yet I would need to return two more times before I got clean margins) so I was new and shell shocked. A neighbor I barely knew brought me a meal, and as she was leaving she told me that her mother had had breast cancer and it was in a lot of her nodes but she was cancer free now....19 years later!!!! 

I bet when she found out so many years ago she wondered if she would live long enough to see her daughter grow up, and now she is seeing her grandchildren grow up. And think of how much better treatment is available to us now that wasn't available then.

Someday we are going to be someone's inspirational story!!!  

Take care,

Andrea

peacestrength

Clarity - So glad you came back!  I tried a support group and would drive home crying after the group meeting.  It would take me days to emotionally rebound.  Finally, I decided not to go back because it was making me feel worse - so I never went back.  

2013 was horrible for me too but I got through it - just like you are

jennyboog

Thanks Clarity....not sure if you can call it strong, sure didn't feel that way some days   More like surviving!  No, were in NC now, the Army sent us home after dx about half way through tx.  Glad you feel comfortable with your hospital it's important, I have no complaints about the tx. I received from the military.  Sounds like you have some great reasons sticking around and you will. 

Clarity

Thanks for the clarification about the HER2 sbelizabeth and I am glad there's a treatment whether one is negative or positive. Since it was raining the whole weekend here in SD, I went crazy with Mr. Google and the internet (which should not be, I know). I just upon an article about Alkaline Ionized Water and the benefit it has for people with cancer. Any thoughts about this?

pp729

Hi Clarity, just wanted to reiterate what the other ladies said here -- this is a great place to come where everyone can relate to you.  My mom was diagnosed 3 years ago and I am so happy that I found this.  My brother is deceased, as is my father, so this board became my go to place for every question I had -- I felt so lonely at first without anyone to relate to and found everyone here so welcoming and encouraging.  Then last year when I had a suspicious mass (turned out to be benign), I found myself turning here again.  Since my mom is NED so far, I do not get on as much as I used to, but it truly is a place to come to. 

Good luck with your treatment!

Clarity

Thank you so much pp729. I wish your mother the very best. As many women here, I am trying to be positive each day. There are days my emotions are so down but I know it's normal. I believe in the higher power, I believe in the higher being, I believe God will take care of us ALL and make us well. That's what gives me the strength each day. Miracles do happen, and we will all be experiencing it! Just watch   

I wish everyone peace of mind. We can surpass this trial!

lkc

Hi Clarity Dear Girl. I as dxed in 2005 with  a stage IIIC  , 12 pos nodes , er /pr neg + her pos.. poor prognosticators!!!

and I am fine now. Doing the happy dancee very day!

Will celebrate 9 years in  May!!

You will be ok, too.

 Stay strong and come here often for support and great inform. The ladies here are wonderful and have all been " There"

Clarity

Thank you so much for sharing Ikc! I sure need people who will/can inspire me during these times and you're one of them. I still have "gray and gloomy days" but I'm hoping it will lessen as times passes.

C

Dedicated77

Dear Clarity

As hard as it sounds...  Keep your head up, stay positive,  and kick BC's butt.  You have a great support system here.  We are always here 24/7.