I am afraid

LovebeingNana

This week has been an absolute whirlwind. I found a lump that I was very unsure about 2 & 1/2 months ago. I have very lumpy and bumpy breasts and honestly I thought this lump was going up and down. There were times I couldn't find it at all. So finally I went to my PC and she immediately sent me for a mammo & ultrasound which I had on Tuesday. The radiologist came in and told me she was 100% percent certain it was cancer. My heart sunk. I was convinced it was a cyst. I am kicking myself for waiting 2 months!!  Anyway, they literally rushed me back right then for a biopsy because since there was nothing at all on my May mammo, she was very worried about it. She did say the ultrasound of the armpit looked great. They also scheduled an appointment with a surgeon before I left.  On Wednesday I found out it is IDC, grade 3 but that is all I know. I am in shock. I can't stop crying. I am so scared and feel paralyzed by it. I went for an MRI on Thursday which said there wasn't anything else abnormal other than my tumor.  I have to wait 3 more days to see the surgeon and then 1 more after that to see the oncologist. I am not sleeping or eating. All I can think about is that I might not live! My husband is struggling and is so sad.  I am going to have to make decisions but I feel so inept.

farmerlucy

Missy - The first few days and weeks after diagnosis are terrifying. I'm sorry you have to experience it. At first we all think we're going to die very soon but for the vast, vast, majority that simply isn't true. Of course you are scared. Take it step by step. Right now is the darkest time, as you get more information things will start to get a little easier. We understand exactly where you're at. If things get too tough ask you doctor for some meds to help with the anxiety. Come back here often. We have been where you are. Gentle hug.

Kruise

hi Missyk7 - big hugs to you darling. For starters - pretty much all of us here have been where you are now. Trust me when I say that things will get better. Look at this as just 'shock' and with any shock we get thrown totally out of sync. Same as when a loved one passes or we witness a terrible event etc etc. 

the absolutely wonderful thing is that you are onto it now and sounds like they aren't mucking around (even though every day at the moment probably seems like waiting a year) and absolutely fantastic that there doesn't seem to be any other spread. So look at those positives and know that you and your hubby can find the strength to get through this. You never know how strong you are until being string is the only choice you have!

We are all here for you and any question, thought, worry or joy we will help and laugh or cry with you.

You are going to be ok for a long, long time!! 

Once again big hugs - put those big girl pants on and show everyone how brave, courageous, positive and strong you can be!

K xox

Kruise

*^^strong - not string...*^^

keepthefaith

missyk7, sorry you found yourself here, but you are in the best of company! It is great that you have such a good team of Dr's taking care of you. Once you get a plan in place, you will start feeling a bit of relief, even though it is still scarey.  Try not to panic. The waiting is the worst part. Meanwhile, try to stay busy and off of the internet. Best of luck with your treatments.

 

AZ85048

MissyK7 - I'm so sorry you've had to join the sisterhood; the club that no one wants to be in.  But on the up side, you've found a great support system and a wealth of information here at BCO!  It sounds as though they're doing all the right things for you so far, so your job now is to try not to let the anxiety eat you alive.  I know you're scared and sad, and that's understandable.  We've all been right where you are.  We get it.  And it does get easier, especially once you've got a treatment plan in place.  So stay away from Dr. Google until you get some more specifics.  (He harbors all kinds of outdated and terrifying information.)  Try to get some rest as once this all starts, it will be somewhat of a whirlwind.  And above all else, be kind to yourself.  This is not a result of anything you did or didn't do, but you will get through it.  Let us know if you need anything or have any questions.  Someone is always here online as we have members from all over the world.  Sending you a hug and a prayer...

TB90

Missy:  You just give that husband a big hug and tell him that although this will be a difficult time for awhile, you will have a great life together just as you had thought.

Anonymous

Missy, Welcome to BCO. I'm sorry for the reason you have to be here. I felt the same when I was diagnosed. It was so overwhelming with all of the information being thrown at me at once. However, the more I learned about my treatment, the better I felt. Just take it one step at a time. The feelings you are having are perfectly normal - we've all been there. Good advice above. In the meantime, you have plenty of support on these boards. Try and take someone with you to your appointments (second pair of ears). Some people even take a small recorder to refer back. You will get through this. {{{Gentle hugs}}}

mdg

I am so sorry you find yourself here....hugs!  The beginning is the hardest part.  The uncertainty and waiting is agonizing.  I also did not eat or sleep.  All I could do was look at my 4 year old son and cry.  Just know that somehow it gets better.  Life slowly returns to normal in time.  I am over three years out from my diagnosis now and all is good. 

Don't freak about not seeing the lump on the mammo before.  The same thing happened to me.  I had a clean mammo 4 mo's before I found the lump.  It took me a month or two to really find the lump.  I would think there was something there but then I could not find it again.  When I knew it was there another mammo was done and then they saw it.  I still ended up at stage 1.  I hope you caught it early.

Good luck!