Scared for the return of cancer

superbuggle

Hi

I had a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removed, chemo and radiation in 2012. I'm trying to move beyond cancer but live with the fear everyday that it may have spread. I hate that I have the burden to monitor my body - it's up to me to know whether or not something feels strange. 

When I had a port in my chest for needle access to give me my chemo, I had a clot in my sub-clavian vein where the tube for the port went. They found the clot because I said my arm felt painful (diagonal line from my pointer finger to my elbow - felt when I bent my wrist). They took the port out and put me on blood thinners - clot gone.

I am now feeling the pain in my arm again. They gave me an ultrasound to see if there was another clot - none. It would almost be nicer if they knew it was a clot cause then there would be a solution. They don't know what it can be. It's freaking me out and a week later, my finger is swelling more and more. 

Any ideas what it could be? I seriously thought it was a clot. This is the same arm that my breast surgery and lymph nodes were removed. I have mild lymphedema in that arm (very very mild) but I don't think it is swelling associated with lymphedema - I take good care of that arm. No cuts, no infection. Nothing. I found a small hard lump in my armpit along the lymph surgery scar. A doctor looked at it, they did an ultrasound and told me they think it is just scar tissue, but to keep an eye on it (??!!!). Fuck. Sure. No worries. Add it to my list of shit I'm scared of. My family doctor (not knowing why my arm is swelling) told me to get that armpit lump looked at again. I will go this week. I also booked an appointment with my lymphedema physiotherapist on Friday just in case.

Anyone experienced this before? Do you feel burdened to "catch it early"? Are you tired of doctor appointments, examining every little thing wrong just in case? Does the fear go away after a while? I guess I'm still in the 5 year period where they say the return or metastasized is most likely?