Just dx'd, how do you just live and enjoy the time we have?

naturegirl11

I'm having trouble figuring out how to do this. So stressed and scared. Just got staged yesterday at 11B clinically, had one enlarged lymph nose. Onc biospied, thinks it's affected. Says he only thinks its the one but who knows, can he know this from looking? I was also graded at 2 instead of 3 and I don't know the relevance of this, can't find many women with tbnc, grade 2. Will it affect how the chemo does? Is is a god thing? Will life ever be the same? Can I even do this? I am so sad and the only relief I get is sleeping or dozing off when I can forget about this new reality for me. Can't quit crying.

I'm sorry this is so gloomy. I am so mentally overwhelmed and don't know how to get the warrior in me going. The fear is paralizing. Any insights or tips are appreciated. Hugs to all...

keepthefaith

sry you found yourself here. There are many other women facing the TNBC DX. You can do it and it will get easier once you start your treatment.  It is very over-whelming and it's okay to feel the way you do. We have all felt the same way. Get a good medical team and stay off of google! Come here for support when you need to. I am 4 mos from my DX and it still over-whelms me at times. Put one foot in front of the other and breathe! Let others help you when they can. You don't have to be brave, you just need to show up! There are so many emotions you are dealing with when facing BC. Give yourself some time and if you don't feel better, contact your MO if you need something to get you through.   ((HUGS))

bak94

oh sweetie, it is not easy, especially just after being diagnosed. You will have good days and the fear will lessen. The fear seems to always be there but certainly gets out to the back of thoughts eventually. Once your plan is set up and you start, you will start to go into fight mode and will feel stronger. Sure, there will be low days, and when they happen know that it is ok, and go rest or do something fun or whatever you feel like doing. Come here often, we have all been through it one way or another and even though we can't fix anything we certainly understand what you are going through. There is a lot of good advice here on how to cope. My thing I like to tell people is to go ahead and rest, don't feel bad about it, you need your down time to gather strength for your fight. On the other side of that, try to keep up with your exercise program, or just go walking. Whatever is easiest and no stress, and do what will offer some relief. Consider this time for you, your time to do what you need to do to get healthy. Keep letting us know how you are doing, There will be gloom, but it will lift, and you will see sunshine again!

AmyQ

Naturegirl - this may sound cliched or corny but I truly wake up every day and savor it.  I really started living again at Christmas time. Last Christmas 2012 before my dx I realized I completely missed Christmas.  Yes I went through the motions but never really engaged in the season.  Now this Christmas 2013 I stopped and told myself I was going to enjoy the season and enjoy all that it means because I don't know how many more Christmas' there will be for me.  I did that and wow, what a difference it made.  My house was decorated from top to bottom, I had Christmas music on as long as my husband would stand for it and I just stopped to enjoy.  After Christmas came and went, I decided to enjoy all future days just as I did at Christmas and it's working.  

Yes, you are new to this, but once you have a treatment plan mapped out and get started you will start to feel better.  I needed a little extra help for my blues so my onc prescribed Lorazapam and I only take it occasionally.  I don't think I've needed any in months now but its there to help.

You are still so early in your dx and coming to grips with it all, no wonder you are tearful.  But that's okay - I think tears are sooo needed to begin your journey to your new normal.  Some people are very private about these things but for me, I felt better talking it through.  Not to any Joe on the street of course but those within my inner circle.  Until my dx I didn't know a single person with BC but now know a lot and this too has helped.  

You came to the right place on BC.org - there will always be some sad stories but there are far more good ones and the people you meet here know ever so well what you are going through.  

Lastly, my Catholic faith was reborn in me before my first surgery and I have to say when all is looking down I remember that God has a plan.  This helps me the most. Prayers and good thoughts for you from me.

Amy

TifJ

So sorry you're here Naturegirl, but welcome. As the others have said you are in the scariest time right now- knowing you have BC, but not knowing how to deal with it. Once your treatment plan is in place, you will feel better. I too am TN and thought the diagnosis was the end of the road for me. I am over 3 years out now. Being grade 2 is better than grade 3, but I doubt it will effect your chemo plan. Only rarely do TNs get out of chemo. My doctor also prescribed Lorazapam (Ativan) to help me get to sleep. I imagine you are finding as you lay down to try to sleep your brain is running wild thinking of the "what ifs" and the "why me's". Totally normal emotions!

Please come and join the "Calling all TNS" thread. It is  all TN women and one great husband that can help you with any questions both physically and emotionally. I have not found anyone who truly understands what I have gone through (not even my husband or best friend), but these women do and they will not judge you, only help you. Bak is so right in saying the gloom will clear. It's a pretty crappy tunnel, but there is light at the end of it.

apandy

I am triple negative and have also been told my cancer is grade 2.  I think you will still end up having chemo as that is the standard treatment for triple negative, and it will almost certainly involve a taxane.  I have just had my last chemo and it was tough but doable.  I am planning to go back to work at the end of March, after my radiotherapy, at which point I hope to put all this behind me.

Grade 2 is certainly better than grade 3 as it means the cancer is not progressing as quickly as grade. 3.  As far as I am aware the treatment is the same.

Good luck and hang on in there.  I know it's tough, but it doesn't go on for ever.  I am now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and feeling much more optimistic than I was.  

Anne 

guitarGrl

TNBC is not necessarily a death sentence. Do whatever treatments they offer and fight for your life. We all feel like this when first diagnosed - I wondered if there'd ever be a day when I didn't feel like the cancer was hanging over my head. But I was TN and am now 5 years out from treatment. There are days - weeks even - when I don't thing about it at all. But it takes time to get there.

These groups helped me a lot. Here you are with other people who are going through what you are. They understand and they have helpful hints. Chemo affects everyone differently, but don't let the horror stories deter you. It's good to do some research to understand the treatment options when your doctors present them, but don't sign your death certificate in advance. If you can make it to the 5 year mark, you are virtually home free.

Kayrem

Hi naturegirl. I got through it one foot at a time with ALOT of help from friends and family. I am just over 2 years out from the end of treatment and about 8 months from my last procedure.  I have not wasted much time!  I have taken trips and spent time with family and friends, put on parties and even hosted Christmas this year. 

I get down sometimes when I read the literature but then I think all I have is today for sure. This has really been brought home to me when I heard of a couple of people younger than me dying recently (one from a heart attack another from falling from a horse).  Cancer sucks but it does give us time to rethink how we can choose to live out our days (an opportunity to gain perspective I suppose) that a heart attack can rob you of. There are no guarantees.

I had my palm read two times over 15 years ago in Jackson Square, New Orleans.  Each reading said I was going to live a long full live. When I was diagnosed I was really annoyed about it! I thought what a crock ....until 4 days ago. I just got back from a family vacation on Maui and on last Sunday we went to a craft show. There was a palmist there and I asked him to look at my hand. I said "I have been told my lifeline is long and that I will live a long life." He said that was not necessarily what it meant. He said it could also mean that the life I do lead will be a full life. So I would love to have quantity and quality but I do know that I have been definitely ramping up the quality since the diagnoses. No one has absolute control over how long we spend on this planet but we can all control (more or less) how we choose to spend it (happily or fearful).

Take care everyone.

Anonymous

Naturegirl, in addition to kayb's friend, you will ALSO find inspiration from the Triple Negative Foundation

http://www.tnbcfoundation.org/

TNBC has the latest information on triple negative, and there have been many advances in recent years.

best wishes...

kalmqu13

Naturegirl.....keep your chin up and KNOW you can do this! I was diagnosed in 2007 at the age of 37 with stage 4 triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma BRCA negative. My PET scan revealed a total of 6 tumors. Back then it was hard to find any "good news" on prognosis or late stage survival rates. I am letting you and others know that there is hope. I defied the odds I was given (less than 10%) and have been NED for almost 7 years. Sending positive thoughts and warm wishes your way!!!

Cjamie

Naturegirl, sorry to welcome you into our awlful club. it sucks! but think of this, no matter what happens the worst of it is truly behind you. don't get me wrong, the chemo is the most awlful thing in the world. you do feel like you are dying from the inside out (and you actually are). BUT..... the worst thing that has ever happened to already has.... that was the day that person said those words to you: "you have cancer" . everything from that moment forward is doable. find your happy places and go there when it feels like it would just be easier to give up. those places, things, people are truly worth you fighting to get to the other side. 

in 2012 I thought the worst had happened, my beloved sister was diagnosed in March. I freaked & went for my second ever mammo & guess what? I joined the club in April! all I could think was ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? So cancer #1 and myself (cancer #2) were looking at being in chemo starting  a month apart! THEN #3 was diagnosed with DCIS in June. Of course then the dreaded BRCA gene entered the ugly story (three of us tested positive by July). #4 so far only tested positive for the gene. It was nice in some ways to have my older sis going through chemo together, but a total nightmare at the same time to know that someone I loved was also being exterminated with chemicals at the same time!

The point is it helps to talk to those that are going through a similiar experience. no matter how much friends & family want to understand.... they are incapable of it. Good! may they never find out what it truly means to confront your own mortality. somehow, someway the tears do eventually dry up or at least stop for a moment or two to let in the happy thoughts. think about the things you enjoy or want to someday try.

for Thanksgiving 2012, my BRCA sistas & I celebrated not with pumpkin pie but hysterectomies! what a good time! so far three of us have had complete masectomies, 2 have had reconstruction. We celebrate whatever moments we have together. Cancer # 1 & I often stand in the background during family get togethers & just soak in the mental picture. learn to take lots of mental pictures. I still have a beautiful photo album in my head, I often visit those happy images. Chemo brain be damned! I FOUGHT LIKE A GIRL & SO SHOULD YOU! YOU CAN DO IT, I BELEIVE IN YOU!