BFF with triple negative and mets to lung and lymph nodes

Bff4321

my BFF was diagnosed with triple negative 6 months ago and had chemo then mastectomy then radiation.  One month ago diagnosed with mets to lungs and lymph nodes. Going back to md Anderson end of January for more scans and then will start a clinical trial.  I guess my first concern is why r they waiting so long for treatment?? I am so scared for her.  How can I help????  Honestly.   What is the prognosis??? 

dlb823

I'm so sorry about your BFF's diagnosis.  I can't answer your question about the wait, but perhaps the end of January is when the trial starts and her docs felt it would be worth waiting to get into it.  Also, many major medical centers virtually shutdown over the holidays so that all docs are off at the same time, and that can make scheduling anything difficult in December and pushed into January.  

As far as how you can help, I think the most important thing is to let her share her feelings and just be a really good listener.  Beyond that, any needs will depend on her personal situation, how close you live to her, and how much other support she has.  I would just reassure her that you're available to do anything she needs, whether that's transportation or meals or whatever will allow her to focus on her treatment without worrying about the logistics.  The other thing you can do is tell her about this website.  She will find tons of support here in both the Stage IV and Triple Negative forums.

And since we and our bc's all totally unique, no one can give you or her a prognosis.  A lot will depend on how she responds to treatment, but many women with mets do well for a very long time.   (((Hugs))) to you both ~   Deanna

ziggypop

bff4321 - 

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. It's heart wrenching when we would give anything to be able to 'fix' something for someone we love and can't. If you are close by your friend helping in practical ways is important. Being available to drive & just sit quietly while she is resting after treatments. Helping to make sure that she has anything she needs to make her comfortable. Doing things like cleaning the bathroom or doing loads of laundry seem like small things, but if you are sick from treatments they can be a huge help. If you are far away, sending your friend things like books or movies that you know she would like can help as well. Try to avoid giving her advice like 'you need to think positively' - if she's not thinking positively, it's not because she doesn't want to. Listening. She may need financial help along the way (it's something that people don't like to ask for but having to worry about paying a bill on top of everything else can be really hard). The kind of support she needs from you will change over time, and it'll be long term and might very well be wearing on you. Sometimes when people are faced with something like this they go through periods of pushing people away, of anger, or wanting to just be 'left alone', of lashing out, - remember that she still needs you and try to understand. 

From what I can tell the women here with Stage IV are able to comfort each other in a way that other people could not do (no matter how wonderful or empathetic or close to them those people are). So when it seems like a good time, I would tell her about this site. Also, for you there is a forum for caregivers, family and friends of those with Stage IV. 

Many hugs.