Scared and Devastated

shellbell1963

i just was diagnosed today with breast cancer. I am so upset, scared and devastated. I don't understand this as why us women have to get this. I feel like this is a death sentence for me. I really need to talk to somebody.

ziggypop

Hi shellbell, Of course you are scared and upset, and I'm so sorry about the diagnosis. Do NOT however think that this is a death sentence; it is true that some women die of breast cancer, but many, many more do not. One of the first things my surgeon told me is that as long as breast cancer is confined to the breast, it can't kill you. Did they tell you anything more about your diagnosis & do you know when you'll be seeing a surgeon? The women here will tell you that the hardest part is when you have been diagnosed and don't yet have a treatment plan in place - once that plan is there it allows you to be proactive and feel as if you're are doing the things that need to be done . Many hugs. 

Gully

Hello Shellbell,

I am soooo sorry you find yourself as a new member of our sisterhood!  You will hear this numerous times, but the diagnostic phase, is the worst. Once you get your team of doctors and you get a plan for treatment, I promise you will feel more in control. I got my news Jan 18th of last year! I was really glad to see the year end, but am proud of myself for getting through it. Today, I feel well and you will have a time when you too are on the other side. Let your friends and family help you and be kind to yourself. You did not do anything to make this happen and you do not deserve this, but it is what it is. Lean on the ladies here, they have all been where you are and are very knowledgeable. We get how scary this is for you, and are here 24/7. One piece of advice, DO NOT use Dr. Google....info is out of date.

Beesie

shellbell, I'm so sorry that you've been diagnosed.  It is scary, isn't it?

Here's the thing to understand:  Cancer, as scary as it is, is a very common disease.  1 out of every 2 men, and 1 out of every 3 women will develop cancer during their lifetime.  For women, 1 out of every 8 will develop breast cancer during her lifetime.  Most of those women survive their diagnosis and go on to live long full lives.

Knowing how common cancer is, and knowing that breast cancer can be very survivable, doesn't make a diagnosis any easier to accept or easier to deal with, but I hope it helps you realize that this isn't because of 'you'.  It's nothing that you did that caused this, and it's not that you are being targeted for this horrible disease when others aren't.  Eventually, a lot of women and men are going to have to deal with cancer during their lives.

And that's what you do.  You deal with it.   You have the treatment and you move ahead with your life.  There are lots of us here who have put our breast cancer diagnoses behind us.  And there are thousands more who once were on this board, just as scared and upset as you are today, who are now off the board and off living their lives. 

You are entering a completely new world, with surgery and treatments, but there are lots of us here who've been through it before you and who can offer advice and support.  And one day you will be the one offering advice and support.

Now, on to the practical matters.  What do you know about your diagnosis?  Do you have a copy of the pathology report from the biopsy?  Have you talked to your doctor about what's next in terms of any other tests or a recommendation for surgery?

And most important of all, (((Hugs)))!  You are not alone!

momand2kids

Shell,

we all understand. Right now is the hardest part of this entire journey--- so much unkown... As you gather your team and get more information you will start to feel more empowered and more in control.  But for this part, make sure you take care of yourself. The anxiety can sometimes get the better of us, so don't  be afraid to ask your doc for some ativan or some other anxiety med.  You will only need it for a short time-but it can really help--especially if you have to go to work every day.  

Once you start making a plan for surgery, treatments, etc you will feel much much better.  When I was at this stage, my surgeon took my hand, looked me in the eye and said "the vast majority of people who have this will never see it again"..... 

Come to this site-- ask lots of questions--stay away from Google-- so much out of date information.  I stuck to this site and the hospital site and that really helped me.  I also wrote down all the good things the docs told me and put them in my pocket each day--and looked at them when I felt the anxiety creeping up.  

You will have to get up to speed quickly, but you will be able to do it.  All the information you will need is here-- Another suggestion I have is to get a digital voice recorder and bring it to all of your visits--- docs are usually ok with this.  I found it helpful even though my husband was with me taking notes--I liked to listen later when I went home.  I always show up with a full list of questions... you will have many and your docs should be able to answer them.

please let us know what we can do for you..   

shellbell1963

Thank you so much all of you for responding to me. My dr appt is on Wednesday, so I shall see my plan of treatment. I am trying not to think the worse but its hard. I have supportive friends, but my husband isn't saying much therefore I think he doesn't care. I am grateful I found this site. Thank you again!

Ariom

Hi shellbell, so sorry you've had to join us here, but you'll find this a good place to come while you wait for results and treatments etc.

It's a terrible shock to the system, we all know what you're feeling right now, and I wouldn't underestimate your Husband just yet. He may just be feeling helpless and scared too. Men have a hard time with this because it isn't just something that they can fix!

Have you got your biopsy results, which state exactly what has been found?

I guess Wednesday will be the day you'll find out what your options are, and you can ask all the questions that will come bubbling up. If I may suggest that you take someone with you, and you write down the questions you have. It is amazing how numb you can become and the words don't sink in. Another set of ears is a very good thing.

I wish you all the very best, and hope you'll come here for support and advice if you need it. This is a warm and welcoming place, where everyone understands and relates to how you are feeling. There are so many off us from all over the world, that there will always be someone here to answer you. Take care!

kjsimpson

Shellbell,
Yup, a tough way to enter the 50's.  ;-)  I understand your emotions.  I was diagnosed two months before my 50th birthday, in August.

The good news... cancer is NOT a death sentence these days.  Especially if you are ready for your most important acronym of the road ahead... KCA!!  (Kick Cancer's Arsk!!) 

Five months ago I was terrified.  Thinking of six rounds of chemo, a double mastectomy, and weeks of radiation treatment was just too overwhelming! I had to compartmentalize it.  First, get the best docs on my team.  Then, get through chemo.  Now that chemo has wrapped up, I'm working on wrapping my head around the upcoming surgery.  In a few weeks, I'll wrap my head around the radiation treatment plan.  But the one driving force in all of this is that I AM Stronger than Cancer!  And so are YOU!!

You got this!  And we are here for you!

Dtowles

Hi 

Take heart...not a death sentence ...While all of our specific diagnosis' are not the same, there are great stories out here and I am one of them.  Diagnosed in late May of 2013, I started Chemotherapy in early June, had Lumpectomy in late October and my pathology report from that surgery in Mid November has me now Cancer Free. I will remain in a regime to kill the whole possibility of cancer in my bod...and my doctor told me that they do not use term remission. I am cancer free!  So grab this challenge with both hands...wrestle your fear to the ground and get on board with deciding to survive this challenge! God bless and good luck!