completely losing my shit need to talk to someone PLEASE!!!!!!

edenneworleans

diagnosed with dcis.....double mastectomy in a couple weeks. was dealing with it very well for the first 2 months, everyone said how great my attitude was. i was astounded by my calm and buddhist response. then two weeks ago i started to crash and burn. anger. depression. acting out. irritability. rage. self pity. i have become angry and hurt about everything...not just the loss of my breasts. angry about everything.  havent been able to talk to anyone about any of this really....when ive talked to my sister (primary caregiver) she shuts me down in an effort to remain positive. this resulted in us fighting after we tried to go to a support group a couple weeks ago and she hasnt spoken to me since. shes supposed to care for me after the operation, but now i dont know whats going on.. now im at my parents house for xmas...sister is coming too....dont want to deal with her or my family or having my relatives ask about my condition, do not want to deal with awkward cancer christmas. dont know how i will put on a happy face for everyone because i am constantly on the verge of tears. thoughts of suicide. thinking i cant go through with this surgery. so angry to be going through this as a single woman. i know women go through this all the time and they survive and are resilient and live great lives and find love afterwards. in spite of this, i dont see much of a future for myself. heart is completely broken, dont know how to get through this holiday, dont know how to get through this operation, dont know if i even want to bother trying to get through it. i have noone to talk to. please, somebody, talk to me. 

RobinLK

Sorry things have turned so black, but it is truly normal to feel all the emotions you are dealing with.  You should call your BS and ask for an immediate referral to a counselor. I know one was offered as part of my team.  There is soooooo much on our plates with this DX. It is important to be able to take care of all of our needs both emotional and physical. It may be that your family isn't ready to fully face what you are dealing with, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't. You have to. Your sister may still be perfectly able to be your caregiver in the physical sense, but you may just need to add some new "players" to your team to handle the emotional support piece of this.

Gully

edenneworleans,

I am so sorry you are part of our club! Take some deep breaths, and know that the way you are feeling is completely normal, and you are in no way alone. There are literally thousands of us out here. You did the right thing to reach out. No one who is not in our shoes can understand the trauma of this dx. They just cant get it.  I was so angry after my dx that I could hardly speak for a few weeks. I could not believe that my wonderful life when to shit so fast! I had my BMX last March, I had IDC in both breasts, so I know I made the right choice about surgery, but I am not going to lie, I do miss my breasts. It will be a year for me on this rollercoaster in Jan. I had immediate reconstruction, which is no walk in the park, but I think it did help me emotionally. My reconstruction is now complete and I think it turned out pretty well. My family has been good for the most part. There are family members however, that I just avoid, its not worth the turmoil. Christmas is hard this year, just not into it. I tell myself this is normal for us in the beginning, and it is. Try to be kind to yourself, and do what you want to do and skip the stuff you dont want to do. You must allow yourself to go through the grieving process, it sucks, but you will feel better on the other side. 

maltomlin

Hi

I was stage 11b, with 3 positive nodes...........that was over 5 years ago.........and yes .......we're all angry with what's happened to us, but you do get through the treatment and you do get to feel better, as time goes on.

Please don't be negative, once the treatment is finished , you'll feel so much better.

aemcat313

edenneworleans,

I am so worried about you! You sound so depressed and like you want to give up. I know that feeling having struggled with depression at various times in my life. I try to remember that its temporary, cry a lot to burn off the despair, and hang on. I hope you will contact your doctor tomorrow for a referral to a counselor or therapist to talk to about this. Until you can see someone, I hope you have a good friend you can confide in - I find venting always helps! Also there are free services specifically for breast cancer - I haven't contacted this one yet but have been thinking about it - "Reach to Recovery" -  it sounds like they can connect you with someone who as gone through breast cancer in your area - to talk via phone or even in person - google "Reach to Recovery" or go to http://www.cancer.org/treatment/supportprogramsservices/reach-to-recovery. Their number is 1-800-227-2345

As for the pending holidays - as if they weren't stressful enough normally! I don't know how your family will react to this, but I'd suggestion being up front and honest with them at the beginning of the holiday by letting them know how you feel and exactly what you want - for example whether or not you want to talk about it, etc ("Hey Everyone, I'm having a hard time dealing with this right now, going through lots of ups and down, and would like to just avoid the whole thing and enjoy Christmas Day" - or whatever makes sense to you). I hope that your family will be understanding and give you what you need!

Hang in there, and good luck. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

flannelette

I guess I'm out of the loop but - double MX for DCIS? Do you have brca1 or 2 or - why such, what seems to me, drastic step - I don't follow all the cancer info stuff but isn't dcis stage zero? don't people usually get lumpectomies and rads? It sounds to me like you want love, a partner, and loss of breasts is one big obstacle that is dooming your chances. You would probably have a much different reaction if you were older, had a stable loving partner who you know loves you boobs or not. Yes, if i were younger and single and hoping, I think I would be pretty much blind sided too.

 You are feeling your feelings and your sis does not help by trying to shut you down - you have to feel them, since they are there. I don't actually think that a buddhist approach is to not have feelings or to not allow your self to feel them. I actually have the feeling that you must allow you feelings to be acknowledged because they won't stop clamoring for attention until you listen to them and honour them and get to know them better. If you like reading Buddhist stuff, pema chodron might have something to say in one of her books to help you here.

Xmas is loaded with awful stuff if you are in a scary place, and having to put on a happy face is asking too much. I'm sorry you can't escape it - maybe you can, to some degree. when you are on the verge of tears all the time it is sheer torture. Wondering if you can go on an antidepressant very very soon if this continues. fighting with your so-called support is a pretty shaky and scary way to start treatment - you need someone who will boost you up, not fight with you  then refuse to speak???????

You are in a space where you shouldn't have to put on any charade to please anyone.

Not sure how into buddhism you are, but do you know there's a Buddhist thread here that has been asleep for a long time - maybe there's a spark of insight in it somewhere - you might have to read way way back, but if you do post there a few people who have it set as their favourites might chime in. There is also an atheist thread, also long asleep, where there are some wise women, but most are long past the heavy, scary times of dx so not sure.............and then there are the many kind women in all the threads who can listen to you and help you feel more understood and hopefully less alone and more loved.

I'll give the 2 threads i mentioned a bump and some people might chime in, and I'm sure others reading this might be able to direct you to where you'll get lots of support of the kind you most need.

((Big warm hugs!!))

TB90

Hi Eden:  I was just recently diagnosed with bc so can relate to your overwhelming feelings right now.  I am also a suicide prevention worker, so was very concerned to hear you mention that you have had thoughts of suicide.  That is actually quite normal, given how afraid you are of the future and all the unknowns.  What I would like to say to you though is that breast cancer is NOT a death sentence, but suicide definitely IS.  Your feelings right now (believe this or not) are actually temporary.  You will work through your feelings and a new normal will surface.  Suicide is a permanent response to a temporary problem.  Please find someone to talk with who will accept your feelings and not try to minimize how you are feeling.  Your feelings are valid.  You just need lots of support and tlc right now to get you through this very difficult phase.  There are terrific supports out there, either in person or on line, phone support, etc.  If you need help finding someone, please tell me the general area you live in and I will find resources for you.  You can also private message me.  Sometimes family is not able to be the best support as they cannot face such difficult feelings in a loved one, so if they cannot be your support system, do not stop there.  The women here are also amazing and have been life savers for me.  When I was facing my surgery four days ago, I pictured them having been there before me and my feelings of extreme isolation left me and and I actually smiled to myself as I could not believe how much support I was receiving from women whom I had never met.  I have terrific family and friends (many of who are also social workers), but I needed to hear from women that had experienced this.  We will be right there with you.  Just please give us the opportunity to help )))))) 

wenweb

I agree with flannelette.  It  also sounds like you are going through the 5 (or some say 7) stages of grief.  It's normal, and if you try and make yourself thinks it's not, it will  impede your processing of having gotten a cancer diagnosis.  

One day at a time, deep breaths, take care of yourself, and most of all, don't let other dictate how you are feeling.  Feelings are real and important.   If we listen to how others tell us we "should be feeling", we deny ourselves the opportunity to incorporate everything we are going through into the new reality of our lives.

 So sorry that you have found yourself here, but we are all here to support you. 

You will get through this!

Denise-G

Two years ago, I had a Mastectomy right before Christmas (I'm also single) and started Chemo on Dec 27th. Two weeks after I told the guy I was dating I needed a Mastectomy, he told me he was in love with someone else.  Haven't heard from him since.   Looking back, I wonder how I made it through that Christmas.  I had all those feelings you are experiencing.  I was Stage 3 and they were looking for Stage 4 and I did not think I would be here for Christmas, 2013.  But I am.  You will be here for Christmas, 2015. 

It's so hard to deal with those fresh feelings, especially dealing with family and friends.  Putting on a happy Christmas face and faking it isn't the answer.  And crying every second isn't either.  You will get through...it is so hard and so awful right now.  Sending you a virtual hug. . .

aaoaao

Eden, your feelings are normal and like others have said temporary.  Please don't do anything drastic.  I actually tried to commit suicide when I was a teenager and always regretted it.  I hurt the people that love me, I was only focusing on my pain and not theirs.  As for your sister, if you've always had a loving relationship I'd give her another chance.  Recently, me and my sister got into a fight (she said some pretty mean things to me) and we didn't talk for several days.  When we finally did talk it was very awkward.  We just didn't bring the fight up at all.  I know she loves me and I love her but breast cancer is a hard thing for our love ones to deal with too.  My sister avoids talking about my disease at all.   Whenever I bring it up she actually shutdown and changes the conversation.  I finally realized that she isn't trying to be mean, she just can't deal with the thought of losing me.  If I need anything though, I know she'll be there.  So I try to find other places to vent, like this site.  It's okay to be a basket case when you're dealing with cancer but it does frighten our loved ones.  When I get too emotional, I just tell them I need a little space and time right now.  If these feelings of depression continue, you should talk to your doctor.  You may need a little medication help for a while to help with any anxiety.  I wish the best for you and please come here and share your feelings anytime you need.

edwards750

I was wondering the same thing flannette...a double MX for DCIS? Sounds drastic to me. I know everyone is different but my sister in law had DCIS and did the lumpectomy and mammosite and 5 years of Tamoxifen. As for your sister's reaction I can understand how the topic of BC is so frightening especially when it happens to someone you love. None of us asked for it but we got it unfortunately. I am appalled at the number of spouses and BFFs who desert their significant others in their most terrifying hour of need. It is beyond reprehensible. We are praying for you. Keep the faith. diane

baywatcher

Eden, I understand how you feel. I had the same feelings: depression, rage, self pity, despair, and I went to a very dark place. This started after my surgery. I think you are feeling grief. It does get better but it took me 4 full years and I didn't think I would make it. I still have many doubts that my surgery was necessary. 

How did you find your DCIS? Do you know what grade it is? Is it in both breasts? How did you decide on a double mastectomy?

gildedcage

edenneworleans - Reaching out to you after reading what you are going through. This is all terrifying and I'm so sorry you have to be here. What you are feeling is very normal and you are not alone. It will get easier and it will get better - trust all of us on that. This experience is a rollercoaster of emotions but none of them are forever and you will be surprised at how strong you will find yourself as this continues on. Give yourself the chance to get to that stronger place. 

About halfway through my chemo treatment I began to get very sad, frightened and overwhelmed. I found it difficult to talk to the people in my life. I needed to talk about my fears and my sadness. My husband wasn't able to bear it and did the "you've got to be positive" thing too. We decided to join some support groups. He joined one for caregivers and I joined one for patients. It has really helped him and normalized for him all that I am going through. I don't know if your sister would be up for something like that but it would be helpful for both of you.

I'd really suggest getting a therapist as well, someone who specializes in working with people with cancer or illness. The emotions when you are diagnosed are so overwhelming that you really need someone to talk to who can just allow you to feel what you need to feel. Just having that is really healing. 

As has been mentioned by others, I'd suggest going in for a second (and maybe third even) opinion before completing surgery. I ended up getting three different opinions from three different doctors and it changed the course of my treatment as a result. It was important to me to be able to have some control over this hand that was dealt to me. I found control in researching my treatment options and being sure I understood which one was best for me. I used these boards to find answers to questions I had about treatment and that helped me greatly as well. Please know that you will come out the other side of this. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk more. I connected with a woman who had gone through treatment in the previous year and I'm going to tell you exactly what she told me: Life is harsh and beautiful and worth living. Fight for your life. 

Solen

I agree with flannelette, why a mastectomy for DCIS?  I have the BRCA2 gene, had DCIS at 41 was NOT advised to have mastectomy.  Of course, I got DCIS in other breast 13 years later, so my recent mastectomy. 

At the same time, I am 5 weeks from my mastectomy and life is pretty much back to normal.  Yes, I had an amazing uncomplicated recovery.

  I am so sorry your sister is being so negative, family can really be a pain at times!  She must have her own issues she is not coming to terms with. Really, right now it IS about you.

NOW.....you are down, I know how it feels, truly I do. the FIRST time I was diagnosed, I was in doctor's office balling my eyes out, thinking my life was OVER. (my mother had passed away a year and a half before from breast cancer)   Funny, at the exact same day and time, my son's birth mother was having a sonogram.  Unknown to me, I wasn't going to die from my cancer, my oncologist suggested I proceed with adoption.  My friend was pregnant, and after my cancer diagnosis she told me her cousin was pregnanat and giving the baby up for adoption.   Yes, through my cancer diagnosis, came my son.  Odd as it seems.  When I thought my world was ending, it was just beginning.  He is in the next room whistling and playing on his ipad.  We just had a wonderful family walk on the beach...will be making dinner soon.  Life is amazing, 12 and a half years after I thought it was OVER!!!!  I am so happy being his mom.  I think back to that dark day when I thought it was all over for me.  I share this story hoping you can see that as things can change for the worse in a moment, the can also change for the better.  Really they can.  Continue to reach out for help and find those that help you and inspire you and bring them into you life.  You can make it through this Christmas, and you will have many more ahead of you.  And many joys will come your way.  Gotta go!  My son is nagging me for dinner after the walk on the beach.  Wishing you the best!

edenneworleans

thank you all for responding. things are very bad right now. i do want to give up. as far as second and third opinions, i dont have health insurance and dont know how to get one without it. so there is a 4cm mass in the left breast. my breasts are not very big.... a small b cup maybe. so the doctor said with the tumor so big and the breast so small, lumpectomy would produce very unsatisfactory results. plus a lumpectomy would still take out most of the nerves that provide sensation to the nipple. mass is also very close to nipple and it cant be spared. So she says mastectomy on left breast. i tested negative for BRCA gene, which gives me the option of keeping the right breast. she strongly recommends i remove it though , for a number of reasons. my MRI showed something small in the right breast, but they were unable to biopsy it. so she says i would keep having to have the breast monitored, get MRIs, etc. without health insurance its unclear who would pay for imaging and stuff over the course of my life. im lucky that there is a medicaid program that will pay for surgery right now. if i keep the right breast, and later need it removed as well, medicaid might not pay. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to believe. i want to believe that i dont have to lose my breast/s.

i am really struggling. i just tried to call a couple friends, the one who returned my call ended up pissing me off so bad i hung up. and im starting to realize you probably cant talk to most people about this. i will look into a therapist, i dont have insurance, but maybe i can find something.

edenneworleans

does anyone know anywhere i can call to talk to someone? the guy from reach to recovery gave me the # for something called share, but it was a voicemail and it takes up to 24 hours for a callback.

1MindyydniM1

Please don't harm yourself. If you feel the need to do this please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room and if you cannot get there....count to 20  or call someone...try to stall yourself. You will be ok in time. You are able to identify the causes of the way  you feel, so this is the first step. You have to cross through the dark to get into get into the light. Just hang in there. I feel very upset for you because I have been at the darkest depth of depression and I had no one to talk to so I wrote in a journal every time I felt suicidal. I never read any of it until a year later and after I read it I burned the journal. Seeing the book burn made me feel that all my thoughts and feelings on paper were no more.  It helps to talk about how you feel but only to people who accept your choice on what is right for you and your life even if its a stranger that will listen.

 I also feel the need to support your decision. I say this with respect and a kind tone of voice through typing...lol but  I see a bunch of people saying that having a bilateral mastectomy for DCIS is drastic....I think that is ridiculous. I don't understand how this is drastic? I feel it is a great decision and one that will prevent any recurring cancer and the need to undergo the fear of stressing about it coming back. Yes....it is difficult and no one ever said it will be easy but I completely support you in this decision...as a new nurse I would choose this for myself ( and I currently am) and I would advise my loved ones of this. Keep your head up and at the end of the dark tunnel is the light...just stay focused

1MindyydniM1

suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255

1MindyydniM1

I think you are doing the right thing. I support your decision. I am not sure if you are getting reconstruction after the mastectomy but I believe Medicaid will cover that. Your life is more important than your breasts...its amazing what doctors can do with reconstruction. Please don't give in.....your life is precious no matter what.

edenneworleans

thank you 1MindyydniM1

so as i get more depressed and angry i keep getting into it with people. like my sister. or that guy i work with. or the flight attendant last night. and i cant tell if i am a jerk or if they are  jerks or if im just oversensitive or if people are actually stepping on my toes. my friend just told me that she hasnt been calling me while ive been going through this because ive "been so manic" for the two months since i found out, "so over the top". What? you know i have breast cancer and that i am facing a double mastectomy and you havent bothered to call me because you think ive been too manic since i found out? i got so mad i hung up.  but then im like, maybe shes right, maybe i am the asshole. i dont know what to think or believe anymore. im very confused about my own emotions and behavior right now. but i seem to be on a collision course with a complete mental breakdown. and a complete breakdown of the happy and stable life i have finally managed to build. 

farmerlucy

eden - I too am very worried about you. I so understand your despair, and the fact that your heart is broken. That is EXACTLY how I felt. ((HUG))

 How have you been sleeping? So often things look a little better in the morning. Maybe you can take a tylenol PM or something similar and see if you can get some good sleep.

Take things minute by minute if you have to. Tomorrow call your doctor and tell him you are struggling. He can give you some anti-anxiety meds to get you through the holidays. I was nearly catatonic with despair after my dx. My brother is a gynonc and recognized what was going on. He said I needed antianxiety meds, an antidepressant, and counseling.

Just get through tonight. I am SO glad you reached out to us. Everything you are feeling is completely normal.

In the coming days if you need some help finding a counselor, let me know.

We are here for you. We care. So does your family.

Solen

You are not the asshole!  Of course you are manic!  Of course you are over the top!  Who wouldn't be!  You should have heard me when I got my second diagnosis, I was planning my funeral, who was going to take care of my son........your mind gets overwhelmed!  My husband and I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was so stressed not knowing what the outcome would be.  Sadly some friends go MIA when things like this happen.  My son has autism, and so most of my non supportive friends have already taken a runner.  So I also know what that feels like.  But know that on this journey we call breast cancer, you will meet many amazing supportive, kind caring people.  They will make up for those who don't have it in them to stand by your side.  Cancer is a frightening and scary thing to most people..........they don't know what to say, they don't want to think it could EVER happen to them..............so it is the easy way out to bury their head in the sand. 

You know how I mentioned being in the doctor's office balling my eyes out????  I wasn't crying for me.  I was crying for my mom.  I was thinking "S&I%!  this is what it feels like, to be told you have cancer!" I thought I knew how to help my mom, but until someone told ME, I had no idea how sucky and lonely it felt, I was crying because I don't think I was as supportive as I could have been.  unfortunately, it is one of those things that you don't understand until it happens to you.  Your friends have no idea, and have no idea of what to say or do.  Tell them, or write them what YOU need from them.  Some people will amaze you will their support, others will disappoint you.  Spend time with those that help.

Yes, I question mastectomy for DCIS and truly we should all question anything our doctors say. Think about it, research it.   And then decide.  I do have to say, I am totally fine after my mastectomy.  Was not as bad as I anticipated and there is a nice relief in knowing that I won't have another breast cancer!  The time leading up to it was much harder than the recovery.

Good luck, I hope you find the answers you are looking for,

RobinLK

here's a link to resources through American Cancer Society. ACS Resources

Beesie

Eden,

You will be okay.  Whatever you choose to do, you will be okay.  If the current plan to have a BMX is too difficult for you to deal with, you can take it one step at a time.  You can start with a lumpectomy, and see if it is enough to get clear margins.  Or you can start with a single MX and then move on to the BMX.  DCIS is not an emergency and if you are not ready to have a BMX, you don't need to have a BMX.  You don't have to jump in with both feet - not for this.  DCIS is one of those situations where you can stick your toe in the water (or maybe your foot - but you definitely don't have to jump in head first). 

Whatever you decide to do, the fact is that a breast cancer diagnosis changes your life and how you look at life.  That's a big thing to have to deal with, and it takes time for anyone to adjust. Many women need to talk it through with a professional.  Many women think that they are handling it all fine and then one day they just crash. I had my days where all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and wish it all away.  This is hard.  It is scary.  So see if you can find a therapist or counsellor.  Maybe the hospital where you are being treated has someone on staff who can help you.   

Mindy, I'm going to disagree with something you said.  Well, in part I'll agree. A BMX is not drastic for DCIS when someone consciously chooses it because of their diagnosis, their risk level, and their own peace of mind. But if you feel that a MX or BMX is being thrust upon you, that it's something you don't have a choice about, or if it's been suggested that it's the right thing for you to do (even if it's not what you want to do), then it is very scary and it can seem drastic. I've been there.  I've had those feelings. I had to have a MX and it was the last thing in the world that I wanted.  So I think I understand how Eden feels. I had many of the same fears and concerns. And the fact is that medically a BMX is not a necessary treatment for DCIS.  Eden can choose to have a BMX, but she doesn't have to have a BMX. 

Eden, if a BMX is what you want, great, then go for it.  But if it's scaring you too much, then take a step back.  With DCIS you are in a position where you can do that.

Solen

Beesie has some REALLY GOOD advice!

edenneworleans

i really appreciate all the amazing responses. just as an aside, i do not have health insurance. medicaid is paying for the surgery, so i dont know if i have the power to say," hey lets try a lumpectomy first before we think about mastectomy". and then i think about it, and i see the kind of dent the biopsy left in my breast, and that only took out a tiny core of tissue....so i can only imagine what taking out a golfball sized tumor would do. either way, they are going to destroy at least my left breast. this is all so confusing, and happening so fast, so little time to make the decisions, and i am so easily overwhelmed, barely able to keep my head above water at work, let alone do all the research i should be doing.  i thought i was coping so well at first, but maybe i was just in denial.

Holeinone

Eden, I have smallish breast, B cup, my surgeon was very pro lumpectomy, turns out I have lots of lymph nodes w/cancer...stage 3... Did I make the best decision, hell, I have no idea....talk to your surgeon. Breathe, your diagnosis is horrible, but it could be worse...that's what I keep telling myself. Your sister will never "get" it unless she walks in those shoes....

Oh I almost forgot, he took a golf ball chunk out of me, looks fine...

Solen

4 cm of DCIS can be a LINE 4 cm long, not a 4 cm round lump!  DCIS is cancer that is STILL contained in the milk duct.  Many oncologists, mine included call it "abnormal cells" rather than cancer.  And I think, despite not having insurance, you can ask....what happens if I choose a lumpectomy?  How big is the DCIS, a lump or a line?  If i choose a lumpectomy first, will I be able to go back and get a mastectomy if needed/wanted?  Will a sentinel node biopsy be done? (where they inject dye into area of DCIS and only take one or two lymph nodes to see of cancer spread), what reconstruction options are available?

Write your questions down and do not be embarrassed to bring them to the doctor, lots of people, myself included do this.  It is an emotionally charged situation and it is hard to remember everything.  If the doctor is not patient with your questions, you may have the wrong doctor. 

Even if you do not have insurance, you have a right to the correct treatment, based on your health situation.  And don't feel like you do not deserve it. you do.

aemcat313

edenneworleans,

I'm concerned that some are are telling you you don't need a mastectomy because its "just" DCIS. I think your doctor has the best and most complete picture of what is really going on and should be your primary guide, though if you're unsure about it, have another discussion with the doctor and possibly get a second opinion. That tumor isn't small by any means, and sounds like your doctor is considering this and the future. Personally I support your decision. Per Medicaid, I hope you'll call them and ask them if they would cover a second opinion, or any other questions you might have about breast cancer treatment. I would think they would cover it, but I just don't know.

I was heartened to hear you tried calling Reach for Recovery (sorry they couldn't help you right away) - this tells me you are willing to help yourself and take action. I've been trying to find a 24 hotline specifically for breast cancer, but haven't found anything. The person I spoke to at the American Cancer Society did give me the number for Hopeline, a general hotline for people who need to talk about their problems/depression/anxiety. 1-800-442-4673. I gave them a call and verified they are 24 hours.  She also mentioned a hotline (not 24 hour) called SHARE (I think). Not sure what the response time is, you leave your name and number and they get back to you, but it is cancer specific. 1-866-891-2392. 

FYI, just a little about myself, I'm also going through the decision phase too - was diagnosed a little less than 2 months ago, planned for surgery in late January. Definite mastectomy of my right breast, but contemplating a bilateral mastectomy as another option. I intend to go with reconstruction from my abdominal area or inner thighs.

I'll be thinking of you !

1MindyydniM1

Beesie,

I know its hard and I hate that anyone has to go through this. I will face it soon and of  course it is the last thing in the world i would want too ( I couldn't agree more) but under the circumstances of having cancer of having the very high risk of cancer its something we have to face and I hate that. Even if it was suggested she has the right not to have one or to have one. It sure doesn't help that she feels super pressured to have it due to the insurance situation. I know doctors start with a lumpectomy and meds but a mastectomy  is an option for treatment of DCIS and is medically necessary for many reasons ...perhaps she isn't a candidate for radiation...or the cancer cells are at the margin of the tissue that was sampled or there is suspicion of cancer in the other breast. Only she and her doctor know her extensive medical history. Maybe there is another reason her doctor suggested it...who knows...but at least we can support her and all support one another and view each other's opinions. I enjoy reading these posts so I can learn more and be more diverse in my views. Thanks for sharing your input.

wyo

eden

I hear the wheels spinning as you deal with all this and while I think its great that you are coming here for support and we are here to listen- we are not trained therapists and your feelings of hopelessness and writing you are having thoughts of suicide is very worrisome.  You are brave to acknowledge you feelings and thoughts.  I feel you need to talk to someone about how you are feeling right now in addition to all the discussion about surgical options.  I think when you are stressed to the point of feeling suicidal that takes precedence  to allow you to make thoughtful decisions about what you want to do about your diagnosis.  When you are feeling hopeless you can't make good decisions.  

I will tell you as a surgical nurse for 30 years- no one on the team gives a damn if you have blue cross or medicaid.  You are a woman with cancer and they are there to take care of you not do a wallet biopsy- physicians- well they are paid differently depending so you may get more of a financial "vibe" from them and the admissions people.  If you decide you want to start with one surgical option and work your way forward once you have a better idea of things- do it. 

 Don't let anyone say you should have your breast removed because you are uninsured and diagnostic imaging payment will be uncertain- you will still require monitoring and regular physicians visits with a double mastectomy.  

Eden- we don't know you outside of this forum but we think your future is worth investing in and I hope you seek out help if you are not feeling that your life is important and needs to be protected.