i feel i don't fit in

kaza

Hi i just wanted to ask if any of my fellow sisters feel the same way.....sometimes when in company, i feel so different, in a completely different place emotionally, as if i dont fit in anymore, it saddens me, it sort of makes me feel so alone and not connected with others, i guess its all part of this emotional rollercoaster

melmcbee

Kaza, im sorry that you are feeling this way. I think the reason i feel that way is because I am different now. Things that used to matter to me just doesnt anymore. I dont think that its we dont fit in anymore we just have a new normal and relate to different issues and people.  You are not alone. Healing hugs

ziggypop

Yes, but then, we all probably look the same to people and they probably look the same to us. But I would guess that in the company we are in, somebody was an abused child; somebody lost a mother, father, best friend; somebody had a miscarriage or can not conceive; somebody has a life threatening illness that we don't know about; somebody suffers with depression or bi-polar disorder; and maybe among the people we see is another woman (or man) who has this disease, but is stage four which is something we can not comprehend. Somebody has it 'better' - at least for now, than we do. and in any big group, somebody has it 'worse'. Somehow we have to find a way to deal with where we are. Hopefully having other people around helps to do that even at the times when it seems so very difficult.

ziggypop

I just thought about my comment above & it sounds 'preachy'. Sometimes I'm just talking to myself. Please disregard.

kaza

melmcbee..thank you.......ziggypop thank you also....i know there are a lot of others much less fortunate than myself, .i am a nurse and i show great empathy towards others...i guess it just takes a lot of understanding the way lifes events change our outlook on things

SelenaWolf

Yes, I felt that "disconnect" often during my treatment.  I would look at them, talking about their jobs, their kids, how frustrated they were with the babysitter, and thought WTF?   I simply could not relate in any way.  Thankfully, for me, the feeling eased in the months after chemotherapy ended and - two years out - I no longer have quite the sense of standing apart.

Rakovina

I totally understand how you feel. When I was first dxd with BC and then again when dxd with ABC, I can remember looking around at all these people who's life is just going on as normal while mine is crashing down around me. It felt like I was a visitor from another time zone or planet. It was very disconcerting.

I find myself people watching a lot more, and wondering what is happening in their lives right now. We are very good at putting on a public face.

smrlvr

I feel,the same way.  I don't know whatnot do about it.  I know I will never be the same.

Lily55

Kaza, I feel that way too.........some days are not so bad as others but right now after a failed recon I am in the pits and feel very alone

kaza

Lily55.....We are certainly never the same, i am so so sorry about your recon not having a good outcome.....i had recon at the same time as mast....not a good look we have no control over the end result....i feel sad at times just would like the old me back. I have decided i have to just accept my body or this b disease is still in control.

I do not know you in person but after reading your posts, you are a lovely lovely lady, try to stay strong we have each other here, i wish i could wave a magic wand, all i can offer is words of support and positve thoughts.   We are all here for you, please keep in touch xxxxkaza  

mamglam

Hi,

I often feel that "disconnect" as well.  We will never be the same having gone through this disease - no matter how small or large!  Sometimes, when I hear people conversing and complaining about their daily lives it makes me sad.  I feel like I just dont fit in.  This could be with friends or with family too.  I find this time of year to be especially hard because my diagnosis was 2 years ago on the 27th.  Wishing everybody here a very happy and restful holiday season.

shoppygirl

Lilly, I am sorry you are so down. Please try to remember that even though your reconstruction failed it does not determine who you are as a person. I have not had recon yet and am currently living with prosthesis so when I go to bed at night I feel like I look like an alien from another planet with no boobs and very short hair. Then I get up in the morning and put on the prosthesis, the wig and all the make up and I feel quite normal. I remind myself that half of Hollywood has fake hair and boobs and I did this to save my life! 

Rakovina, I also find myself watching people a lot more and think 'wow a year ago that was me just carrying on with my normal life!'

I am still waiting for my hair to look normal enough so I can do away with the wig and that might help when it finally happens. When I feel really down I remind myself that I have been through a lot this last year and I should be very proud of myself for being as aggressive as possible to try and beat this!  Also a little trip to the mall helps too!  

Hugs to all!!

Holeinone

Kaza  & all, hoping time will help, being bald & no eyelashes or brows does make you feel like you are a lone alien...lol...even when that changes, I know that I will have that edge that will most likely hang on. Part fear, part gratitude that it is not worse. I am so looking forward to getting my body back, being able to do all those things that I have enjoyed and participated in. 

Lily, so sorry your recon was not successful. 

Let's hope that 2014 gets easier for all of us...

kaza

Holeinone....thinking of you, ......hoping you will soon be able to do the things you enjoy and bring you happiness, sending you hugs ...kaza xx