Hard to get in the xmas spirit

raynaj

I'm just wondering if anyone else is finding it hard to get into the Xmas Spirit this year? I am very grateful that I am here and nearing the end of this battle, just out of surgery. If it wasn't for my son, I don't think I would even put up a tree this year. Maybe its just the fact that I can't do that much yet physically. I'm sorry to complain, I know there are others out there going through much worse things than I am right now. Maybe its just because of the long road of being poked and prodded and fatigue and hair loss and nausea and pain and fear and uncertainty. We've all been through so much and yes I am thankful, just not in much of a Christmans spirit. Anyone else?

MyraVH

Hi raynaj,

Same thing here, not in the mood. We didn't put up any lights, tree or any Xmas decor. Same thing last Halloween. I feel that I just want to focus on my treatment and recovering from each bout of chemo and taking my meds, exercise if I want to, eating good, rest. Also part of the reason too is to save on the electric bill since there's already a lot of expenses since I was diagnosed. I think it is ok and not feel guilty about not getting into the Xmas spirit.

SelenaWolf

I didn't have the energy to put up any Christmas decorations the year I was having treatment and, since my last chemo round was two days before Christmas, I opted out of any/all invitations to Christmas dinner.  Just wanted quiet time with my husband.  My in-laws were quite insulted (also because I turned down attending their 50th Anniversary party a few weeks earlier for the same reason) as they seemed to feel that - since they were doing EVERYTHING - all I needed to do was show up.  They didn't (or wouldn't) understand that even getting out of bed was a huge deal after four months of dose-dense chemotherapy and the last thing I could have done was drive 2 hours to their house for a meal and 2 hours home.

Last Christmas, I caught that awful influenza that was going around; I went to bed on December 21st and didn't get up again until January 12th.  Wow!  Was I sick!  No decorations made it up, no baking got done, "Christmas Dinner" was macaroni-and-cheese on a tray in bed.  Again, ran into flack from my in-laws, who seemed to feel that a "... little cold..." shouldn't get me down, and that I should be up and at 'em.  Didn't even bother to defend myself.

This year, is better, but - then - I'm two years out now.  My tree is up and decorated, and the front porch has a pretty garland, and I'm actually enjoying it this year.  But, since I enjoyed a quiet Christmas Day with my husband for the last two years, I've decided that it's now my "tradition" to continue.  I've refused any/all family (i.e., in-laws are NOT pleased) commands to go for dinner and am planning a quiet meal for two by candlelight in my own house.  After what I've been through, I feel that I'm - that we - are worth it!  Everyone else can wrangle over Boxing Day.

I guess what I'm getting at it, is that you have to take care of YOU first.  If that means no decorations, no tree, no "celebrating", that is entirely up to you.  If ever there was a time to put your foot down and be selfish, it's NOW.  Don't let anyone guilt you into doing anything that you may not feel up to or uncomfortable with.

ziggypop

Yep, I'm having a hard time feeling it. I'm a ways out from treatment, but for whatever reason I'm just not that into it. I think part of the reason is that my dad died last February - we knew that last year would be his last Christmas & so went all out on making sure every family tradition would be followed. I don't have kids and my brother's kids are now all over 20 and none of them have kids. With no little ones around, it seems strange to do the whole Christmas morning thing. I think maybe starting new (and easier) traditions might be the way to go.

J9W

I stopped the whole Christmas treadmill a few years ago. No cards got sent out, no presents got bought, very few but totally sentamental decorations got put out, and it was one of the best holidays ever. So, I've kept it all low key and have learned to love the holidays again. Maybe you can find one or two decorations that make you smile and put those out but let the rest go by the wayside.

DivineMrsM

There's too much social pressure to maintain holiday cheer for weeks on end...I'd say from Thanksgiving to Christmas. C'mon, is it really natural to be hyped up for that long? There have been many years even prior to bc that I didn't feel much like Christmas until a week or a few days before. There's especially too much pressure on women to create this mythical, Hallmark, Norman Rockwell type of magical Christmas for all generations in the family. Chose to celebrate Christmas on your own terms.

I filter a lot of it. I don't watch many holiday shows or movies. Sometimes when I watch TV, I mute the commercials. They are ALL about Christmas commercialism and make it seem like everyone but you is out whooping it up this time of year. I also listen to very little holiday music and shopping on-line rather than fight crowds.

When it comes to decorating, a little can go a long way. A lighted Christmas basket in the kitchen, a strand of lit garland on the fireplace mantle, a Christmas tree that is pre-lit. A few lights still make a festive atmosphere. I don't bake like I used to, just a couple favorites.

My advice: make it easy on yourself, because no one else is going to step in and make it easy for you. Figure out short cuts and stop doing the things that are tedious. And DON'T feel any guilt about it.

Andirod

I am also having a hard time with getting into the Christmas spirit ! This is my first year with my diagnosis, but being diagnosed in January of 2013 it has been almost a year. I lost my Husband in 2012 so that Christmas was a blast as well !!

My daughter put up my tree, and it is beautiful. I will not be buying any presents or going all out as I have done in Christmas' past, but I do kind of feel guilty about it.

You are right, there are people out there that are worse off than me. I will make the best of it :-)

raynaj

Andirod, sorry about losing your husband last year. It's too bad we have to feel guilty after going through all we have gone through.

DivineMrs: I totally agreed with the pressure put on women to put on this elaborate event, the shopping, decorating, baking cleaning and entertaining are enough every year that I just end up tired and not enjoying myself. The true meaning of Christmas has sure been lost, its so commercialized.

J9W: You probably have the right idea, if we did less we would have the time and energy to actually enjoy the season.

Ziggypop: sorry about your Dad, maybe you should just start your own traditions now.

Selenawolf: I feel for you where family and inlaws are concerned, how anyone would fault you for not wanting to travel 4 hours feeling the way that you did, it amazes me how selfish people can be. I have sure learned throughout this that I am not doing things that I don't want to anymore, Life is too short and if someone is offended too bad. Your candle lit dinner sounds nice.

I usually get a little bit christmasy on Christmas Eve, its my favorite part of the season.

Rayna

DivineMrsM

Maybe I'm wrong, but I would think most women diagnosed with bc re-evaluate their lives. What is working, what doesn't work? It is a time to re-prioritize that which is important. I've done this after various trials in my life: miscarriage, death of my mom, then my dad and eventually bc.

Is Christmas only an outward display of hope and cheer? Does the person with the most decorations win? Why allow society to dictate what Christmas means to you on a personal level and how you chose to celebrate or not celebrate it?

I think it's a time to dig deeper into how each one of us feels. Let go of the superficial trappings of the season and be true to yourself.

It is often something unexpected that touches my heart at Christmas. Several years ago, just before I learned I had bc, I went to my son's Christmas concert. In the middle of it, he had a trumpet solo of "Oh Holy Night" where he played the entire song and the rest of the band backed him up. He hadn't told me of it before hand, it was a surprise. That made my whole Christmas.

Those are the kinds of things that make Christmas special to me.

Enerva

Hi all, i am just not at all into xtmas now. I stopped a few years back and so much has happen that i dont feel anything especial in December any more. My mom past away this July and now i am all alone, broke up with my bf before my dx but even from before that i was always buying xtmas presents and making people happy. It all changed now. I am ok i dont want any body to feel sorry for me i am actually having my exchange surgery on Dec 24, and when the PS asked me if it was ok for me that date been xtmas eve and all, i said sure its ok i have nothing to celebrate so that will give me a reason to be happy on xtmas day. lol I also think its due to not having childrens, if i had a kid i am sure i could still be into xtmas, I have to admit it was so much fun been a kid and believing in Santa and xtmas. So yes if you have small kids try your best, but dont go out of your way for adults unless they are there 100% for you. I have a big family but 7 hours flight away. They dont want to celebrate xtmas cuz of mom but i told them its not fair to their kids mom would be happy if they had a great xtmas.   

sandra4611

Hi everyone. I just found this thread and am so glad I did. I thought perhaps I was the only one feeling this way. The Christmas movies are nice, the music too...but it just doesn't seem to mean much. I don't have any decorations up. Can't spare the energy and frankly, don't have the interest. If I had little kids it would be different, but they are grown.

2013 has been a terrible year. I had a moderate brain stem stroke at the beginning of the year, followed by the discovery of a large aneurysm in the ascending aorta of my heart that needs open heart surgery, and then the breast cancer diagnosis. All in 6 months. My life has changed, just like all of yours did. I was an accountant working full time then teaching two hours of Pilates and Zumba each night & Saturday mornings. My husband and I taught ballroom dance as well. It all came crashing down around me after the stroke. I had to quit everything and apply for Social Security early. We had been counting on my salary for another 18 months until full retirement age and planned to put everything in the bank as our retirement cushion. While I'm happy to be getting something each month, since I just turned 65 this month, they now take over $100 a month for Medicare. With both of us retired now, there is just no money for fancy Christmas trips and gifts. I think I'm spending about $100 on each "kid" and my husband and I decided to stop getting gifts for each other. That money goes to paying for stroke rehab. I used to love giving presents, decorating, and going to parties and holiday events. Maybe after the shock of this year wears off, I'll catch the Christmas spirit again, but not this year.

I'm 4 days out from surgery #3. I'm sure that is playing a part in my "Bah Humbug" attitude. I've had three surgeries in three months and for someone who never gets sick, never missed a day of school or work, never even had the flu, 2013 SUCKED! All this concentration on health is getting me down. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Fortunately I have a counselor to talk to and a marvelous supportive husband. Fortunately my cancer was caught early. Complications have been hard to deal with though. Come on 2014. Next year HAS to be better.

elimar86861

I broke tradition last year, when I was doing chemo, and didn't put up a tree. The world didn't stop turning, and the holidays came and went anyway. I say do only what you feel up to doing.

If you have relatives that are going to pick you apart for breaking from the usual traditions while you deal with cancer, well, let me just take a guess that they are the types that would find something to pick apart regardless. Ignore. You don't have time for that nonsense.

Sometimes the best Christmas gift you can get is rest, relaxation and peaceful healing. Sometimes you just have to give that to yourself.

raynaj

Sandra4611: Your not kidding, have you every had a bad 6 months. I am so sorry you have so much to deal with. I think I read on another Thread that you had an infected TE, you have just had surgery to fix this, right? Is everything going okay so far? I know its only been a few days but I hope you are feeling okay and the surgery was a sucess.

It's so nice when we have supportive husbands, mine for the most part has done pretty good. They do the best they can as well as dealing with their fear for us too.

I hope you can have a good Xmas and things start going well for you, as you said 2014 has to be a better year, I couldn't agree more.

Love, Rayna