I'm convinced I am dying.

indenial

I mean, I've always been quite the hypochondriac, but now I feel more certain than ever that I'm dying...

I was diagnosed Stage I but they never did any scans or anything so of course I keep telling myself that I probably already had mets and they just didn't test for them. I finished chemo in June and am just on Tamoxifen now.

I have a chronic autoimmune type issue (not properly diagnosed or treated) and whenever it flares up I assume the pain is mets.

I bumped my head hard 2 weeks ago & since it still hurts, I'm assuming it's scalp mets.

My ongoing fatigue? Caused by my body trying to fight more cancer.

I realize this isn't 100% reality-based but it's driving me crazy just the same. I spent years telling doctors something was wrong with me & they never believed me, but in the end it always turned out that I was right & something serious WAS wrong. So even if my doctors reassured me (which they haven't!) I wouldn't really trust them.

The catch-22 is that I don't want to have scans and if I really am dying, I don't want to know. But it's kind of crummy walking around every day assuming I'm about to die. (I wish I could have scans and have the doc tell me they are clear, whether they actually ARE clear or not!)

MsPharoah

Indenial, wow! You described me perfectly, except that I have never had a problem with a doctor or feel a lack of trust. That really sucks! I finished chemo in July, radiation in October and about 60 days after starting Femara, I now wake up with the most distressing joint and muscle pain. When I get up from sitting, I limp, I am so stiff and sore....bone mets? During my chemo, I got a rash in my cleavage....skin mets?? During radiation, I had an area of skin on the right side under the boob that was tender....liver mets?? I want to get a scan to ease my mind, but only if it is clear and I do not have mets. So I see my onc mid-December and will report my symptoms. I think I will lose it if she schedules a scan. I think that what we are feeling is normal and I know I am no help to you whatsoever. Just wanted to acknowledge the feelings you are having.

Love MsP

shoppygirl

Hi

this also describes me as well except I have had scans and I still don't believe them! Different aches and pains keep coming up and I think that is why. I do have a lung nodule that they are watching that has never changed and I have been told is benign but still I am worried ! Crazy!!!

MmeJ

indenial, scans are not standard of care for a Stage I diagnosis. Scans are for further determination of staging and for looking for mets. You don't need them.

I am profoundly skeptical of alternative "medicine," but I think there are a few adjunct (complimentary) things that can be useful for some of us. Have you ever considered hypnotherapy? It can be helpful for some people for reframing their thinking and a drug-free way of relieving some anxieties.

flannelette

MS Pharoah - you can at least stop worrying about stiffness, aching, stiff joints. they are totally well-known ses of Fmara and other aromatase inhibitors. there are lots of posts in hormonal treatment thread about what to do to try to alleviate them.

ziggypop

ondenial - I think you describe all of us. I told my oncologist the other day that I though about calling him because I had an itchy spot on my back that I couldn't reach or see (it was a mosquito bite) . From what I can tell from the wonderful ladies on the stage four thread is that if you have an unexplained pain that continues for more than a couple weeks, then call your doc.

When I get worried, I try to remember what a friend of mine who had a heart/lung transplant said. She told me that she had enough 'symptoms' and enough things that slowed her like down. She said that she didn't want to add 'worry' to her own symptoms. That made sense to me. We have enogh to deal with, we don't need to add crap to it (of course, that's easier said than done). : )

Susie123

indenial, your thoughts are perfectly normal, it looks like you're still in your first year since diagnosis. You're still reeling from hearing the words "you have cancer". That comes with that immediate fear of dying. It takes a while for that fear to lessen, but it does with time. I'm stage 1 also, didn't have any scans either, which is perfectly normal for stage 1. Next month will be 4 years out for me. I still see the onco every 6 months now. He does blood work and an exam but that's it. Give yourself a little time, let yourself go through the emotions, you will get past that awful feeling with time. Statistically, as stage 1 we have an excellent chance of never having to deal with this again. Just keep reminding yourself of that when it's weighing heavily on your mind.