Starting Chemo in December 2013

kjfromca

Hi ladies,

Kim - Happy Belated Birthday. I was not on fb yesterday, as it was a crazy day. Wishing you a healthy, prosperous, and joyful year ahead. I feel my breasts and underarm's frequently for lumps... So stressful.

Lisa - So glad to hear that your biopsy came back benign. That's the best Christmas present.

Lisa & Oranje - I take 3 mg of Melatonin. I don't think it helps me sleep. I can take up to 6 mg., maybe I should try that. Also, don't forget a baby aspirin daily is also supposed to be a tumor blocker.

DJJ - Crying is good. It's the bottling up of emotions that messes us up. One of the nail salon tech's at the salon that I go to, finished chemo a couple of weeks ago for bc. The Taxol turned all of her finger nails to thick, wavy and green. She is so frustrated because it looks like nail fungus. I feel so bad for her. I am sorry that you are still suffering the issues with your hands and feet. Wondering if there is some holistic vitamin, herb, or something that might help.

Well off to make swedish bread with the in-laws.

Kim

RobinLK

Barbara - I am back on my Ativan. Everything seemed to be moving too quickly...thoughts, breathing, heart rate etc... I am sorry things have been so tough for you lately. I really don't know how much one person should be required to handle. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Kimie- Good to see you here! Good for you on starting your path to nursing! How exciting! I do self exams, that is how I have found my 4 lumps. Definitely make me nervous, but important to do.

DJ - You go enjoy "rock hard chest guy!" It is eerie how many people we end up knowing that get diagnosed. I don't know if it is just us being hyper aware now, or justice people being diagnosed in general. Sorry you are down. A good cry is very cathartic. I definitely HATE CANCER!

Kim - great picture of the bread! That is huge!!

I am thinking of becoming a hospice volunteer when my appointments and issues slow down. My husband would like to take a trip back to Connecticut before I do that too. Time to visit family I haven't seen in over 5 years. I was planning a trip back East when I found my lump.

My daughter will be visiting from 12/30 - 1/8. It will be good to see her. It has been a year. Hoping to get in some karaoke with her again! She graduated with her Psych bachelors in May of last year. Is currently taking a CNA course, then will take a PCT course and then going for nursing. She wants to specialize in either psych or oncology. She is taking the "Van Wilder" route, but it is what works with her work schedule! LOL

Jodi040812

Lisa so so happy for you!!!

Oranje- are you in my house! I wake up every night around 3 am! Sleep is so messed up now, but I haven't been sleeping since LuLu was born back in December of 2012!! Lol!

Barbara sending prayers your way!!

Hope everyone has a great week! Even if it is not perfect- it is not last year either right!!

chicopeach57

Hey, haven't keeping in touch much, a lot going on. Had both breasts lifted and reduced to match on the 9th. Was wondering what the hell was I thinking the next day. BS saw them that Fri after and said the redness in the right is due to it being the radiated breast. Ok. On Wed it seemed more red and a bit swollen, just happened to have appt with MO. All blood work and tumor markers are normal, woohoo. He looked at it and said it was too shiny and red., to follow up with BS. No fever. So I figure it could wait until my appt on Fri. BTW, I started having back issues a couple of days before, lower back with upper back spasms. By Fri I knew my tit was in trouble. BS puts me on Cipro, supposed to see his nurse today to see progress. Over weekend no progress but didn't get worse, still no fever. So I saw him yesterday instead, he added rifampin with the cipro. If it isn't improved tomorrow will need IV antibiotics. Could have gone through life lopsided, chose to do this, now look! Another messed up Christmas due to cancer. Fxck Cancer! This WILL be the last one.

missy6758703

Oh Chico, that looks SO PAINFUL! Dammit I hate cancer too! I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope the antibiotics kick in and whatever is going on goes away!

I wasn't feeling very good last night...think i had some sort of stomach bug. Woke up this morning with a rash all over my right chest and back and neck. As the morning went on it just disappeared. No idea what the hell that was all about.

I have found the perfect thing to help me sleep at night....it was a struggle to come up with something that would work, but this is what i take. I take effexor and 2 advil PM's at around 9:00pm and usually am sound to sleep by 11 and have been able to sleep all night since i started doing this. I'm not sure if the advil helps, but so many nights my hips would be hurting so bad that I knew i needed something for the discomfort and now when i wake up in the mornings i have no pain and feel rested. I have also stopped drinking anything with caffeine after about 6pm.

Hard to believe its Christmas Eve tomorrow.....my kids and I will do presents and we always have a Papa Murphys pizza and some appetizers. A year ago today i was having my second round of AC.....I hated that shit! I didn't even wrap presents last year, just put them under the tree. This year I had such good intentions......i HATE wrapping presents and one day at work one of my girlfriends asked if I needed any help doing anything this year....i jokingly said "you can come wrap my presents!" she said YES and that she loved wrapping presents! haha! I supplied the wine and she sat there and wrapped! I love my friends!

Well ladies, Merry Christmas to you all..........have a blessed day with your families!

love and hugs,

Michelle

RHGSR

I may have to post in two separate posts so I go back and read everything. I haven't been on here in a while.

Lisa- I'm a doing a happy dance for you. So thankful. I know you are too.

Barbara- I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult. It's enough for us to be sick but then to have the worry of our spouses health too. How are you doing with the holidays coming up?

DJJ- I have that struggle between feeling pissed and sad and then guilty for being pissed and sad cause there are those who aren't here to have the luxury of being pissed and sad. Someone to me that we all have our own journey and no ones is any more or less than another's. It's all perspective and we are all in this together. Well my head heard that but my heart is still conflicted. Survivors guilt maybe?? How is rock hard chest guy?

So you ladies talking about not being able to sleep? May I ask why? I'm curious because I take pain pill or muscle relaxer to sleep. Mostly because of the pain from the steroids I'm still weaning off of. But also because I have pain in my shoulder/arm where the lymph nodes where removed. It's so hard to tell why I have pain because of the darn steroids. I go down to 5mg every other day for two weeks on Friday then I'm done with them. Started 5 months ago on 60mg. Craziness. Then 4-6 weeks for it to leave my system. Yea!! Hysterectomy in February then hopefully I can get my recon started up agsin.

RHGSR

Awwww Chico. That looks bad. I'm so sorry. Have that told you what it is?

This is so crazy... But did you have nipple recon? Your nipple looks great. (Can't believe I just said that)

keepthefaith

chico, I hope you heal soon! I have contemplated on making adjustments to my girls, but decided it's just not worth it to me. I think once you heal, you'll feel much better about it. I agree with Holli on the nipple!:)

Barbara, I know you have a lot going on; please post when you can. I hope things calm down for you soon.

My sleep aid is Organic Nighty Night tea...which, I will be making shortly! It helps me sleep more soundly, I think; although, I do wake a couple times on occasion, but usually go right back to sleep. Seems like I feel more rested in the morning, when I drink it before bed.

This morning, I read my journal from this day last year. I was losing my hair by the handfuls. Now, a year later, I have a full head of curls and craziness going on!

I hope and pray that you all have a joyous Christmas this year!!! We all have come such a long way~

((HUGS))

jbokland

Chico-Yowch! It looks almost like a cellulitis. Hope things start improving and I'll be watching for your follow up posts.

Lisa- I am so incredibly happy for you and your good news. Cheers!

I am 3 weeks out from my lap flap. Still have one drain. ( it's really messing with my holiday outfits! ) I was considering rhinestones and a hot glue gun for Christmas! The radiated/ Lap flap side is super firm but healing well. I have too sleep on my back only for6 weeks. I finally discovered the benefits of an Advil PM to help me sleep.

chicopeach57

I am now on doxycycline and cipro, BS consulted with an infectious disease specialist, will see how it is on Friday. They are treating it as MRSA but haven't actually said those words, just infection. Will see how it is on Friday, still no fever. My sleep aid for the last few days is muscle relaxers and hydrocodon.

Thank you all for the nipple compliments, the whole areole area looks like little Santa caps stuck on right now. Time, I know. I am having to learn patience.

Barbara, will be thinking about you. Be thinking about everyone. What a long strange trip it's been.

RobinLK

I had my treatment today and sat down to chat with a "newbie." She went through the donated hats and picked my favorite. Today was her second A/C, she is basically one year behind me. She will have surgery after chemo. I know that my Thursday chemo sisters, Toni and Esther would do a get together. I am hoping Pat from Thursday and Molly from this thread would also. I know Karen would like to, the woman from today, as long as her counts are good. We could call ourselves "The Sisterhood of the Missing Breasts." I have so much love, appreciation and fun with these ladies. It would be nice to have regular get together a outside of the treatment room. Most, but not all, of us are HER2 positive. Long haul....

Love you ladies. Have a blessed Holiday Season! Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Merry Festivus....whatever it may be! Here's to a bright New Year!!

RHGSR

ok ladies... I am scheduled to get deported ( finally) next week. I've had this thing almost a year (tomorrow actually). Was supposed to get it out on Sept 26 during surgery but blah blah blah with lungs and steroids.

Since my BS had to go off and be on maternity leave :0) (how dare she right ... LOL) I'm having to use another surgical group. From my understanding they will remove it in office using a local. I was under when they put it in so I'm a little nervous.

Jbokland - wasn't yours removed in office?

Anyone else?

Will they let you keep it?

Holli

Lisaj514

yah holli! I actually asked if I could keep mine and they said no as they send it away to pathology (?really). But they showed it to me in the little container afterwards? Had Chest ct scan wed morning due to that cough. It's not too bad really, just annoying but need to figure out why? Had the lung function test where you blow out then in into the tube attached to a little machine and they measure your in andout breath and it gets graphed (what's the full name of this test...don't remember). Well that was normal, but of course "due to my history" (so tired of hearing that) he wanted to to a contrast chest ct scan to look at everything more carefully. Also O2 saturation level dropped from 98% to 90% at one point when brisk walking in his office and pulse up to 100. The possible copd does not seem right to anyone. Should know anything by next week

Hope all had a nice holiday...however celebrated. Unhappiness in my marriage really getting me down and I'm afraid of my choices, stay or not stay, neither feel right. (Don't want to be debbie downer at this happy time of year

missy6758703

Holli I had mine removed in the office as well, the only part that really was sort of painful was the first initial shot to numb the area. I think he gave me three total. Mine was pretty encapsulated so he had to work on it to get it out, but it was not painful. You may just feel some tugging but shouldn't feel any pain. I was surprised at how long the tube was coming out of it. I did not want to keep mine! ha!

Lisa.....I've been divorced for quite a long time now. I stayed in a marriage for about 18 years before I left him and we finally got divorced the month that we would have celebrated our 20th anniversary. We stayed in it "for the kids", like so many others do. We had got to the point where we never even talked to each other.....I dreaded him coming home from work each day and looked forward to the days when he was out of town for work. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.....I was so scared and had no idea what I was going to do, but life has a way of working itself out. I felt a relief and never once regretted my decision. I always was so worried my kids would grow up to be adults and think the way our relationship was, was how it was supposed to be. I didn't want that....I wanted them to see that a couple should be there to support the other, should show love to each other, should have fun together....we didn't have any of that. Their dad and I are now really good friends, and I think that is what my kids can see now....Some people are better at just being friends than being partners. I wish you the best in your future, if you ever need to talk about it, please let me know!

My mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital yesterday.....they live in San Antonio so I feel somewhat helpless. One of the things I never shared with you all is part of my fear of chemotherapy. Nineteen years ago when my mom was 49 she was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. She had to have very high doses of chemo and she had what is called cerebral toxicity from it. Her body reacted toxic to the chemo and she had permanent brain damage as a result. Over the years she lived with me and my family and with time and a lot of therapy and some tough love from me, she learned to walk, talk and function as a person again...she even met a wonderful man and got married several years ago! She had a bone marrow transplant with her sister as her donor. I was just so scared my body would react the same way hers did to the chemo, my anxiety was at an all-time high. It got easier for me with each round.....once i realized my body was handling it the way it was supposed to. But i was certainly scared. I couldn't imagine putting my kids through what I had to go through with my mom. Thankfully, all went well. Well...back to my mom.....not sure what is going on with her, but for the last few months she has lost her ability to walk again, her speech has gotten horrible and her mind has not been very clear and she keeps falling. I have this feeling that there is some drug interactions going on....i would like to see them get her off of everything and maybe start slowly introducing them back in. All CT scans and MRI's are clear so she hasn't had a stroke or anything. It's always something, isn't is?

Well.....it's about pajama time!!! my favorite part of the day! ha!

Love and hugs to all!

Michelle

Lisaj514

oh Michele, sorry about your mom. That story was certainly scary and understandable your concern when you started chemo, wow. Hope they figure out what's going on. You've gone through so much with her. And thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself here. It certainly helps. My mind is just so muddled with all this. We've been married 28 yrs and it's been "ok" for most of it. Bad for parts of it then ok again but not great for a long time. Have I changed since bc? I think so. I want to laugh more, have more fun, talk more, express deep feelings, experience more, share common interests...and did I say laugh and have fun? I'm glad you found your way Michele. The things you say and how you express yourself are spot on my friend. (Too bad ND is sooo far!) :-)

RHGSR

Thank you both ladies for the info on the "deportation".

Michelle - thank you for sharing both of your stories. I can't imagine how much scarier going into chemo was for you. I'm sorry for what's going on with your mom as well. What hospital is she in in San Antonio?

Lisa- what you describe sounds like what happened to me. But my cough started about 3-4 weeks after rads. I even had a bronchoscopy in October when i ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. My lung biopsies were normal as were the swollen nodes they found. My PFTs (pulmonary function tests - the blowing in the thingy you described) were normal. Walking, my O2 SATS barely dropped but my heart rate shot up to 140-170. He said I was just "de conditioned". Kinda irritated me. Especially since I got sick with sinus/cough again last week. Zpack was not working so my GP have me two options 1. Head to ER 2. Get Rocephin, stay on zpack, and use inhaler. We took option 2. I'm better bit still coughing. CXR showed only radiation damage but no pneumonia. Having follow up chest CT next week. I'm sorry about your marriage. I can see how cancer can put a wedge in a marriage. Especially if each partner reacts differently to stressful situations. My heart hurts for you and the extra stress this brings.

missy6758703

Holli she is is Christus Santa Rosa Hospital. I don't know a lot about the hospitals there but they feel it is a good one.

And Lisa, ND is pretty much in the middle of nowhere, BUT.......that is why I work for Delta Airlines!! I can escape every now and then and fly for free! So on my little list of things to do....is to make my way around this great big country and eventually meet you all! I just need April 1st to get here so I have some PTO again! I am officially 6 hours in the hole for available pto! ha! funny how fast that 200 hours of PTO goes when you are going through cancer treatments! Dammit.....those hours should have been spent on a beach somewhere, drinking pina coladas, having cute cabana boys waiting on me. Sigh. Maybe next year!

jbokland

yes, I was deported in office. A breeze! 15-30 minutes start to finish with only discomfort during initial injections of numbing agent. BTW. port scars are notorious for being aggravated and itchy afterwards. I had mine revised during reconstruction surgery.

Lisaj514

True jb, my port scar looks worse than my lumpectomy scars (but my lx scars look great and barely noticeable). I think it's from going into the same area twice. And my lx incisions were closed with glue not sutures. It's just more noticeable and it's in an area of my chest where there has been sun damage so the skin is thicker and lx scars are in a place where the "sun don't shine" so skin is softer and more resilient there. Mine was done in hospital but also pretty easy compared to everything else we've gone through. It'll be a breeze I hope and it's nice to get that alien bump out of your body. Funny but I can still feel the track where the catheter was up to the vein

kimie06

Hi Girlies merry late christmas !!!

chico I hope you are feeling better, why cant things just be easy from here on out !! cripes

Everyone is talking about sleep and such, I was a really great sleeper until lately, my sleep has been sucking ! however the holidays did allow for a litte catch up time, which was nice.

Michelle sorry to hear about your mom and thanks for sharing her story.

I cant even comment on the port but am SO HAPPY you guys are ditching them. I was so fortunate to not have one, pretty much begged to not have one.

2015 is almost here ladies lets make this one count

love to love

Kim

keepthefaith

hi ladies,

I had to go to O.R. for my deportation...annoying. But, it all went well. Sometimes, I think the Dr's just look for ways to spend more of my money.

Lisa, sorry you are going through marital problems. I was married for almost 29 yrs when I finally decided to leave. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do; but, it was the right thing for me and at least I have peace of mind and much less stress! I doubt that we would've survived my BC Dx had we stayed married. We are civil to each other, but never really contact one another. He has since married and I am happily single. We went to counseling, but he decided not to participate after 3 visits. Somehow, I got through it with the support of my family and friends. It's been almost 6 yrs and I can say I am over it!! I hope you can find peace with whatever you do.

michelle, I hope your Mom finds some answers and recovers soon.

Holli, I hope your deportation goes well! Finally:) Congrats!!

Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy New Year!!!

Lisaj514

Thanks for all of your support girls for things other than BC. I feel paralyzed with Indecision. If it was something overt like abuse or cheating there would be no issue but just not feeling it is also hard and we have a nice life with nice things which I wouldn't have without him. And he is a good man in many ways but still there are more things that I dont like. I just can't imagine leaving my home and it's my decision as he does not want this. Well enough of my troubles for now need a funny....

Lol had to share from one of the other threads

Yup still curly but look how long. Sides have been trimmed 2x but not the top

kimie06

exhaustipated !!!! love it...................and the hair !!! crazy curls, looks lovely though

RHGSR

ok ladies. I am officially deported. Woo- Hoo. I asked if I could keep it and they said no :0( but I got a picture. Below is my blog post about it.

Holli

-------------

Deportation

posted by Holli Barrett on Tuesday, December 30, 2014

While the title is misleading and in no way describes my political views on immigration, cancer patients who have had chemotherapy know exactly what I'm talking about.

You see...One year ago today I was in "The Chair" receiving my first of 8 chemo treatments. Today I am sitting in a waiting room chair in a surgeons office waiting to go back for my deportation - or in other words .... MY PORT COMES OUT TODAY!!

Wow.... What a year this has been. Not what I had envisioned for 2014 at all. "MY" plan was to be graduating from Texas State with my degree in applied sociology with a focus on adulthood and aging this December. "MY" plan was to be an awesome homeschool mom and CC director. But cancer has a way of changing those plans and puts into perspective that "WE" really aren't in control after all...

Wait. What? I'm not in control of everything!! LOL!! I found a great little saying about control I'll post in the photo section.

Yes, there are things we CAN control... How we react to our circumstances, choosing to stay stead fast in our faith, choosing to be an active participant in our health by eating healthier and exercising...

I'm sure we've all heard the saying "life happens while you're busy making plans". Oh how true it is.

And why should we worry about our plans anyway. If we except the fact that God has everything planned out for use... Wouldn't that be a huge burden lifted? Easier said than done at times ... Believe me I know. But we are even told in the bible -

Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Proverbs 16:9 ESV

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Check out this link for many more verses concerning His plans for us...

http://www.openbible.info/topics/the_plans_god_has....

---------------------

So back to deportation...

Well... It took about 30 minutes and viola .... I am officially deported!! All he used was a local (a poke and several STINGS) but after that there was only some slight pressure.

I'm sore (hello pain medication) and a little emotional. I mean this port has been a part of me for over a year.

Just like the hair loss associated with the chemo, the port was another outwardly symbol of this disease. The removal will leave a scar. I'm not certain if I will ask my plastic surgeon to revise it (make it less noticeable) or keep it as it is. In a sense the scar symbolizes what I've been through (of course there are many other scars but they aren't visible to your everyday person unless of course it's a certain time of year and there are beads involved :0). In a way it's a badge of honor and a symbol of strength. It says that (whether I would have made it or not) I stood up to this disease, to the chemo, to the radiation, and I won this round. I pray it will be the first and last round. A complete KO!!

Now we gear up for the last leg of the journey in 2015.

3 MORE SURGERIES!!

WE CAN DO THIS!!

I say "we" because so many of you have so selflessly walked this journey with me. Thank you!!

Crazywabbit

wishing everyone a good 2015. A year when we are all healthy and continue NED.

On a sad note I lost my husband of 34 years on Christmas Day to a long battle with Huntington's Disease. Tomorrow night will be hard since my younger son will be flying back to CA tomorrow afternoon. My older one went home to NH on Tue.

jbokland

Ahh Barbara-so sorry to hear, I know this has been a long battle and he is finally at peace. You have been such a constant source of advice and strength for all of us here,,,I hope you find some strength and support from us now.

Hugs

missy6758703

Barbara I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. He was a lucky man to have you by his side for 34 years. I pray you find peace and comfort in the coming months.

I have developed cellulitis in my right breast that i had removed in November. I look like chico's picture! I have to go to the ER every 12 hours for IV antibiotics. Last night I had an allergic reaction to it....developed what they call "red man syndrome". I was just hanging out in a room hooked up to the IV when my head started to itch...not just a little itch, but an OMG wtf is wrong with my head kind of itch! It was like a million bugs were crawling out of my hair follicles. Then the itch started to go to my neck and back ....it was then that i called the nurse who came in and her eyes got very large and she said "oh my! you are covered in a rash!" she unplugged me right away and the doctor came in....gave me benedryl right away and the itching stopped but that pretty much put me out. They waited about 30 minutes then started it up again but really slow. This morning went better and they gave me benedryl before i even started. Going to be a long 5 days.

Happy New Year to all of you!! I have never been so happy to see a year end!! Here is to renewed health, happiness, friendships and love!

Michelle

Lisaj514

omg Michelle, saw on fb but didn't know details till now. Wow you know how to keep things exciting (joking). Seems like a lot of women get infections or complications in the mastectomy boobs. And youwere healing so well until now I thought.

Barb, so sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hugs {{{{ }}}}} to you. got to be hard with your sons leaving now but you have proved your strength this past year and time will help heal. Take care of yourself please.

Holli, beautiful thoughtful blog post as usual. I never thought of my port scar as a badge of honor and a symbol of strength, thank you for putting it that way. It helped me.

You girls are beautiful people and I have learned so much from each one of you. I consider all of you part of my family. I worry about you, laugh with you, cry with you and want the best for each and every one of you....and sometimes I think I like you better than some of my family..lol

DJJ

Barbara, I'm so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.

Michelle, oh no cellulitis. What a pain in the butt! Hope they knock it out soon.

Holli, Yay! No more port! I love not having my port in. Now what to do about the big red scar right on my chest!

Lisa, I'm sorry your going through a tough time. We are all different after this last year and I know what you mean about being happy and having fun! I want more now!

Happy New Years Ladies!!!

Today is Herceptin day! One left after this!!!! Almost done!!!!

Crazywabbit

Michelle, yes, you finished 2014 with a real bang also. Sounds like they really hit you with the strong stuff,vancomycin? covering for resistant staph infections. how many days are they making you get the IV antibiotics? Your bad reaction sounds scary.

Enough with all this s**t. Just give us all a quiet 2015 with the only excitement good travel adventures.

I agree with Lisa and consider you all good friends and hope to meet all of you outside of cyberspace some day.

I feels all those warm hugs, thanks.

Barbara